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Blood and ink. (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
The nights are heavy,
heavy as, my collection,
of my deepest
darkest moments.
The pages took my blood ink
and tears of the past decade.
like my good friend,
she was like sister to me.
Always by my side no
matter what,
I'd have been so lost
without her
or even dead for what I
went through.

It's funny, I never really
thought I'd wear her down
like my blood soaked books,
I mean she knew more
about me than my own family.
I had a tendency to do that
with everything that happened to me,
whether or not I could control it.

Many years of tragic experiences.
and also beautiful memories,
quite possibly the very best
of my life so far. Literally
thousands of pages kept
stored in my safe, so terrified
that they would
rot or be stolen,
I couldn't bear the thought
of all those years being took,
as if I hadn't had enough
taken from me already.

1f313df2e38129c62016606a7211dc63.jpg



Clean [emoji108]
J.h
 
Last edited:

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
This is more prose that poetry. Consider developing into a short story.

Thank You, is that positive.
Actually this is what I am planning on.
I have been writing just 5 weeks.
Thank You [emoji120]
 
Last edited:

FrancisD

Senior Member
Thank You, is that positive.
Is that a question?

it is as positive as you wish it to be. As prose it has a rather compelling dark quality, maybe you could build on that. It does have some grammar issues, but as it is a picture and not text, it is hard to offer line edits.
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Is that a question?

it is as positive as you wish it to be. As prose it has a rather compelling dark quality, maybe you could build on that. It does have some grammar issues, but as it is a picture and not text, it is hard to offer line edits.

Thank you, yes it was.
I am working on everything day by day.
It is all new to me, I value your input.
Thank You [emoji120]
I will paste the text in.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
bdcf346b1b2ab7131765df0f89c08c9e.jpg


The nights are heavy,
heavy as my collection,
of my deepest darkest moments.
The pages took my blood ink
and tears of the past decade,
like my good friend,
she was like a sister to me.
Always by my side no matter what,
I'd have been so lost without her
or even dead for what I went through.

It's funny, I really never
thought I'd wear her down
like my blood soaked books.
Fragile and composed,
I mean she knew more
about me than my own family.
I had a tendency to do that
with everything that happened to me,
whether or not I could control it.

Many years of tragic experiences
and also beautiful memories,
quite possibly the very best
of my life so far. Literally thousands of pages kept stored in my safe, so terrified that they would rot or be stolen, I couldn't bear the thought of all those years being took,
as if I hadn't had enough taken from me already.

J.h

While writing you would come across pages as trace paper, where you would see carved words, that you would feel, did that too really occur. That's why writing is important, for your own reconstruction.

Keep writing.... Blood and Ink

Since you call us X,
You are Z
Good luck J Z

Ritu
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
While writing you would come across pages as trace paper, where you would see carved words, that you would feel, did that too really occur. That's why writing is important, for your own reconstruction.

Keep writing.... Blood and Ink

Since you call us X,
You are Z
Good luck J Z

Ritu

Thank You very much Ritu.
I am really tired , and unsure whether that is a question or criticism.
I must be z then [emoji3590][emoji3590]
You too x
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
You are saying I should give the females names. I’ve had 2hrs sleep. A bit slow to react.
Thank You.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I think that there is the opportunity to twist this so it doesn’t feel so prose like, I think the challenge is to go through it and remove what isn’t needed. I often start off with a central concept, sometimes just one line which I then write around. Once I have a body of text that’s when I strip it back and work on the structure and how the lines sound as poetry. I hope you don’t mind but I’ve had a play around with carrying out a heavy edit for you. Feel free to use as little or as much as you like.

Cheers

Syd





The nights are heavy,
heavy as my collection,
of my deepest darkest moments.
The pages took my blood ink
and tears of the past decade,
like my good friend,
she was like a sister to me.
Always by my side no matter what,
I'd have been so lost without her
or even dead for what I went through.

It's funny, I really never
thought I'd wear her down
like my blood soaked books.
Fragile and composed,
I mean she knew more
about me than my own family.
I had a tendency to do that
with everything that happened to me,
whether or not I could control it.


Many years of tragic experiences
and also beautiful memories,
quite possibly the very best
of my life so far. Literally thousands of pages kept
stored in my safe, so terrified that they
would rot or be stolen, I couldn't bear the thought
of all those years being took,
as if I hadn't had enough
taken from me already.

J.h
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Hello,

I think that there is the opportunity to twist this so it doesn’t feel so prose like, I think the challenge is to go through it and remove what isn’t needed. I often start off with a central concept, sometimes just one line which I then write around. Once I have a body of text that’s when I strip it back and work on the structure and how the lines sound as poetry. I hope you don’t mind but I’ve had a play around with carrying out a heavy edit for you. Feel free to use as little or as much as you like.

Cheers

Syd

Thank You Syd, no not at all.
I need this information to growI am grateful
for all of your help. I’ll go through it later.
Thank You [emoji120]
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Not to worry it will make gem for your imagination, since you are a poet.

Keep writing JZ

Ritu

Thank You Ritu, I’ll say briefly.
I had a woman talking to me as if she is making a task force or archetypes to take out the bad guys to save mankind.

Too much for my brain as I’ve had little sleep all week. Then she got pissy and said I have no emotions I have adapted , I am a magician archetype just like you wtf.

I read about archetypes, it is superfluous Greek mythological bull that has been debunked.
[emoji1787][emoji136][emoji136][emoji3590]
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Thank You Ritu, I’ll say briefly.
I had a woman talking to me as if she is making a task force or archetypes to take out the bad guys to save mankind.

Too much for my brain as I’ve had little sleep all week. Then she got pissy and said I have no emotions I have adapted , I am a magician archetype just like you wtf.

I read about archetypes, it is superfluous Greek mythological bull that has been debunked.
[emoji1787][emoji136][emoji136][emoji3590]

Wow!!! That's amazing. I wish all women get that empowered.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
That’s what my she poem is about, a bad ass femme fatale, but real life. Also a bit ott.
She was really rude to me , but also really beautiful and an amazing writer haha x

As long as you are enjoying the rudeness as beauty, you have really got inspiration for writing.

All the good luck again.

Ritu
 
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