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Attack of the Blobwoman (1 Viewer)

(I thought I would create a better version of my Blobwoman story. I’ve tried to flesh it out and give it more depth. Feedback would be most appreciated)


Chapter 1: The Discovery

Carole Williams loved science. It had been a passion of hers ever since she was a little child. She’d spend hours a day trying to create a project that would serve a good purpose to the world, but she hadn’t quite managed to achieve one.

Her passion for science led to her to train for a teaching role at a school and she quickly proved popular with the class. They felt that Carole really knew her stuff knowledge-wise and how to use the equipment physically wise. While her personal ambition hadn’t quite been fulfilled Carole was happy enough with her life and job.

That was until the day of the announcement….

“You wanted to see me boss” Carole reported to her Supervisor Melanie

“Yes Carole I did, please take a seat”

Melanie sat down in her office chair and looked a tad regretful and long faced

“As you know the school has been struggling with funding problems in recent months and sadly all the departments have been told that they need to trim the staff. I’ve thought long and hard about this decision, but I’ve decided that you are one of those I have to let go, I’m so sorry.

Carole tried to put a brave face on the decision but as she left the office to pack her stuff her mind was burning with rage. She had never particularly liked Melanie because she felt that her style displayed too much authority and didn’t let anyone whether it was teacher or student express themselves in any way. But now that she’d been fired for nothing more than budgetary reasons, she now had a burning hatred that was as bright as the Earth’s sun. She believed that Melanie had really fired her because she was jealous of how good she was at teaching and performing science.

Had she looked back she’d have seen Melanie crying her heart out at having to make that decision. She believed Carole was her best teacher and she was simply too expensive to keep on…

As she got into her car to leave Carole shook back her light brown hair and glared at everyone around her. If Melanie didn’t respect her then surely no one else around here did so either.

“I’ll show you all what I’m capable of”. I’ll create an amazing piece of work and gain all of your respect”. She thought angrily to herself

Then she set off for home and at this point she was just desperate to get home and relax.

Such was her desperation that on this particular night she took a shortcut onto a singular road instead of taking the usual motorway. She was halfway down this road to her home when she looked up and see what appeared to be a shooting star.

“I wish there was a way that I could rule this planet and become something more than I am now” Carole thought to herself hopefully even though she knew it would never happen

As the thought passed through her mind however she noticed that it wasn’t a star at all, it was actually a meteorite and not only that she also saw that it was heading into the area close to her car. The meteorite flew into the big forest of trees and crashed into the woods right next to the road Carole was on.

Carole drove into the parking area at the woods entrance and investigated where it landed. Switching on her torch she waded her way through the thick mossy branches and patches of wet mud which got her hands and clothes quite muddy until at last she reached the crash site. The ground was venting smoke and the meteorite had appeared to burn up into a small rock crater, which was now a brownish red colour because of its fiery entrance. Carole was just about to touch it when suddenly it started cracking and then burst open into small pieces. Carole ducked behind a bigger rock to avoid any injuries.

When she regained her courage, she poked her head out to see what remained, and she was amazed. Revealed on top of the only remaining piece of the meteorite was a small glowing blob of light green goo, which seemed to be a little sentient as it was moving around on its own slightly.

“This is so cool and exactly the sort of thing I need to achieve my dreams, I’d better get this home quickly”

Without hesitation, Carole scooped up the blob using a stick and carried it all the way back to her car where she placed it in her lunch container. She vacated the area, intrigued with her find and what it might do...

Chapter 2: The blob strikes

As Carole reached her apartment building and parked her car, the blob in the lunch container was the only thing on her mind. She made her way straight up to her apartment, not stopping for anyone or anything. Once inside, she locked the door and sealed the windows. She was feeling very excited and giddy at the jelly substance in the container, and she could think of nothing else.

Firstly, Carole decided to compose herself by having a relaxing shower. She took the blob of goo into the bathroom with her just in case it ran amok and caused havoc in one of her other rooms while unsupervised.

“I wonder if the discovery of this strange goo was influenced by the wish I made” Carole thought to herself as she showered. “It’s plausible but surely nothing more than circumstance as I just happened to be in that place at that moment”

Once out of the shower she looked at the blob again and realised it was quite similar to the one she’d watched in a Simpson’s Halloween episode. Carole’s heart beat a little faster at this thought, and she was wondering if this goo could potentially do for her now what it had done to Homer there. Carole then put her Pyjamas on, a plain red top with some white shorts and spent the next half an hour just studying the Blob’s behaviour. It hadn’t moved out of the container in that time, but it was moving eagerly like it was trying to tell her something. Carole felt like it was trying to tell her something so maybe speaking to it about her woes would help her.

“Oh strange blob life form you have no idea how difficult my life is. All I’ve ever wanted in my life was to have some form of success and I’ve always felt impeded by so many stupid and arrogant people getting in my way”

“Well now I’ve found you those days are over”. Whatever amazing science you’ve brought here I am determined to create something that will make me something greater in this world. You relax in that container tonight my slimy ally because I will have great uses for you”

And with that speech Carole decided it was time for bed. As she lay her head down on the pillow she drifted off into her dreams of showing everyone her discovery

Although it couldn’t talk the blob had grown fond of Carole for rescuing it from its crash site and while she had been ranting about her dreams of becoming something more and ruling the world, the blob had just sat there watching her behaviour and listening to her words and the more it heard the more interested it became in Carole who didn’t know that the alien life form had actually come to earth to try and achieve this very goal and having listened to everything she had to say, it had made up its mind.

“You my dear are very ambitious and will make a great partner”. What you don’t realise is that i have plenty of uses for you too” it thought to itself

The alien goo decided it was time to strike so it bashed against the container repeatedly until it finally fell to the floor. As it did so the lid broke off and the blob was free to move around. Luckily, Carole was snoring so loudly, so she didn’t hear anything it was doing. It then proceeded into the bedroom.

The blob slithered its way across Carole’s bed all while making sure it didn’t touch her body as the cold feeling would surely wake her up. It made its way up to her mouth and it was a wise choice as Carole not only snored loudly but also with her mouth wide open. The blob waited for the opportunity and jumped into the wide hole presented to it. The blob had done it, it had got itself inside Carole’s body.

The blob flew down the neck and windpipe, passed by the rib cage protecting the heart and didn’t stop until it reached Carole’s stomach. It then merged itself into the stomach acids and became a part of Carole’s very DNA. This meant that it took on her persona and could feel everything that she did. In its actions it felt that this was going to be a deadly combination.

As the clock struck midnight the blob was ready. Carole’s stomach suddenly grumbled loudly, and her eyes shot open wide eyed and hungry…

Chapter 3: The perfect partner

As Carole was still fast asleep her eyes were pupil less and glowing green. The blob wanted to wake her up but not until they reached the kitchen, so it made her body stand up as if it was controlling a life size puppet and then walked her downstairs.

The blob looked around the living room for something to wake Carole up and that’s when it saw a footrest by the sofa. The blob placed it in the centre of the room and ran up towards it. It tripped over deliberately, and Carole’s body flopped on its stomach and banged its head on the radiator.

Carole finally woke up with her head in a lot of pain and her eyes feeling bleary. But once she regained her focus, she was shocked to find herself in the living room

“How did I get here? Was I sleepwalking?”

Carole was trying to gather her thoughts when she suddenly heard a sinister laughing shake through the room

“Who’s there? Show yourself”

“Hello Carole” said a purring voice

Carole’s blood froze with what the voice had just said

“How do you know my name?”

“Let’s just say I’m going to be a big part of your life from now on”

That was when Carole noticed the container where she had kept the blob was on the floor and the green goo was nowhere to be seen. She took a moment to work out what the voice had said and suddenly it twigged

“No it can’t be… it hasn’t…. Surely not?”

Carole lifted up her red top and looked down at her stomach and realised there was a flashing green hue coming out of her bellybutton

“The blob, it’s invaded my body!!!”

“I wouldn’t say I’ve invaded it” came the reply. “More like I’ve made it my home, and just to correct you it’s no longer your body, it’s ours to share, we’re going to be a great partnership”

“I don’t understand” Carole said nervously

“I came to this planet to find a way of ruling it” the blob explained “You telling me all about your own desire to become something greater was all I needed to warm to you so I found a way into your body and our rise to glory can start here”

Carole was suddenly very excited to hear what her new friend was saying. A chance to conquer the planet had suddenly gone from a pipe dream to a genuine possibility.

“I’ll explain more to you as we go along but first, we need to get your body to a level capable of ruling this pitiful mudball. We must make it bigger, stronger and more adaptable so nothing can stop us.

“How are we going to do that?”

No sooner had those words passed Carole’s lips than her stomach suddenly let out a monstrous gurgling noise loud enough to wake the whole building her apartment was in

“Are you suggesting what I think you are?”

“Yes now you must feed, consume, grow bigger and I will help you every step of the way”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Carole ripped open the refrigerator and devoured everything inside before following suit with her freezer, her cupboards and the fruit bowl. She ate everything in sight including:

2 cartons of grapes
A pack of 6 sausage rolls
6 packs of biscuits and crisps
6 Bananas and 5 Apples
2 big cartons and 10 small bars of ice-cream
4 pizzas
2 bags of chips
6 packs of noodles
And so much more

Carole saved her favourite for last though: 12 tins of beans. Carole absolutely loved beans; she could eat them all day. So, she opened all 12 tins, piled them all up on one plate and warmed them up. She was just about to eat them when the blob stopped her.

“Hang on Caz, let’s make this process quicker and more interesting, I want you to make a suction noise with your mouth”.

Carole obeyed and to her amazement the beans started to flow into her mouth. She stopped it as the last of the beans made their way in before chewing

“BUUUURRRRRP”

“Your mouth can now operate as a vacuum cleaner which can bring food to you quickly” “Also if you want to chew things more easily, I made your teeth indestructible to the hardest of substances”

This revelation suddenly reminded Carole of a large rack of beef that was sat in her oven. Deciding that she didn’t believe her new partner she reheated it and took one large bite through the bone racks. Incredibly not only did her teeth feel or look just fine but she had completely broken through the entire bone with ease.

“How are you giving me all this”?

“I’m a life form that’s full of magical ability” whatever a host wants or needs then i will get it, now take a minute and admire what you’re becoming”.

Carole stood up to see how her body had changed and she was shocked at what she’d become. Her angelic jawline had been replaced with round blubber with a defined double chin. Her hands and arms had swollen up and were a lot beefier than before, and her fingers had become awash with fat making them as thick as sausages. The same things could be said for her legs, feet and toes while her butt which had previously been barely visible was now one giant bubble. But the biggest difference was Carole’s belly, which was basically now a massive round dome complete with 2 rolls of flab. Carole was at least happy that it had spread throughout her entire body instead of having to carry it all in her stomach, but she was starting to feel a bit of pain inside as well as sluggishness.

“Happy”? The blob asked

“Not until you tell me what’s the purpose of all this”

“It’s quite simple really, I’m just turning you into a life form so terrifying and destructive that we can achieve our goal of conquering the world”. “I can tell you don’t care about anybody and the fate you’re going to give people will give you so much pleasure”.

Carole was delighted. For the first time in her life, she had actually met someone she had something in common with and it shared the same ambitions that she wanted to fulfil. However, she couldn’t celebrate it properly as her stomach felt swollen and it was giving her increasing pain.

“What’s up Caz? We need to find more food” the blob cried almost impatiently

“I feel like I can’t eat another bite without exploding. My stomach is so tight it’s hurting, I can’t go on”

The blob chuckled

“No need to worry, time for an upgrade I think”

Suddenly Carole felt the blob swirling around in her stomach and giggled as it pushed against her skin as it caused a tickling sensation. Eventually it died down and Carole suddenly felt a strange feeling. A feeling as if her stomach had suddenly been made out of elastic. Crucially the feeling of wanting to burst was no longer there.

“What have you done?”

“I made your stomach to feel like rubber. “You can eat all you want and not feel like you want to explode”

“Oh that’s so cool” “I have to enjoy this for a moment”

And with that Carole had a play with her new bouncy belly. She particularly enjoyed stretching it forwards and watching it come back into position. She poked it with her fingers and loved how they just sunk into the flesh before bouncing back out. She even stuck some ornaments underneath and realised she had to lift her stomach up to get them out again.

“It appears we’re out of food in this home of yours” the blob surveyed as it snapped Carole out of her fun.

“Fortunately I think you’re ready to make our presence known on this world so are you ready?”

“One second, I shall get myself looking presentable”. “I can’t go out in just my PJ’s but thankfully I bought something in case this ever happened”

Carole excitedly rushed into her bedroom and dug out a set of large clothes that she’d recently bought in case anything caused a gain of weight. Firstly, she squeezed into a black button-down blouse which just about covered her stomach and then into a set of smooth wide legged white trousers.

Next She tucked the blouse inside her pants as she attached a pair of red braces to keep them up before slipping into a pair of black shiny shoes and adding a white blazer which she left unbuttoned.

Lastly, she pulled out a lipstick tube from her draw and coated her lips in bright glossy red. When she finished Carole gazed dreamily at her new appearance in the mirror.

“Magnifique, if you want to consume the world you may as well do it in style”. “My lips will certainly leave a mark on my victims when I’m finished with them”

“You look absolutely splendid Caz and we’ve done a fine job on our body so far but now you’re ready we really take off”

“Let’s go, must find more food and get bigger” Carole spoke in an almost zombie like manner

The exit door looked much thinner than it had a couple of hours ago, but nothing could stop Carole now. Using her battering ram of a stomach she pushed through the door and chunks out of its side burst in all directions to the floor. The woman and the blob were on the hunt for food and amazing power.

Chapter 4: An evil within us

Despite the increased ballast slowing her down, Carole had made it out of her apartment building with little problem. Helped further by the fact that because it was 2 in the morning, no one was up to see her. It was only when she got out that she discovered more changes to her body.

As well as her plumper build Carole had also gained a bit of height as the blob dissolved the food in her body. She was now well into the 6-foot range, and it wouldn’t be long before she got into the 7’s. All of this continued to fuel Carole’s happiness, and she was going to savour every second of eating and transforming while she could.

“Got any ideas about where we’ll find some food?” Asked the blob

“As a matter of fact I do”. “There’s a massive food court just 10 minutes down the street which is home to some of the biggest food supplies in the city”

“Then what are we waiting for? Our need to consume grows with every bite, To the food court”

And with that Carole put her feet in motion and lumbered into action. Each step she took was more like a stomp because her body had almost taken the shape of a bowling ball with limbs, and she had her arms stretched out to keep balance and avoid toppling over. She let out a grunt with each stomp and it wasn’t long before she started feeling tired.

“I’ll take over for a bit” The blob offered as it sensed it’s host feeling the strain. “You direct where I’m going”.

“You’re a real help, I’m still getting used to my new timber” “just keep walking straight for now” Carole assured her friend.

As they made their way further down the street, a bright light suddenly caught Carole’s eye.

“It’s a newsagents shop, that building contains all sorts of food”. “Let’s make a stop in here before we attack the food court”.

“Sounds good to me Caz”

Just about squeezing her monstrous girth through the tiny door, Carole saw that there was no one at the counter or indeed in the shop at all.

“Quick no one’s around, let’s get eating”

Carole tore her way through the aisle which contained big bars of Cadbury’s chocolate as well as the bags of sweets such as Haribo. As her need for food grew stronger, she was feeling frustrated that she couldn’t fit more stuff inside her mouth and speed up the process.

As she grabbed another large Cadbury bar, she tried to fit the whole thing into her mouth. She pushed as hard as she could when suddenly it fit perfectly in one go. Carole’s eyes rolled down to her mouth and she almost screamed as it had stretched wide and long enough for the bar to achieve this.

“What happened here?”

“Oh come on Caz do you really think I don’t listen to what you’re thinking?” The blob retorted

“You wanted to fit more food in your mouth, so I granted your wish”. You could fit a whole watermelon inside because the stretchiness extends to your neck and windpipe”

Carole decided to try it with an ordinary melon, and it worked exactly how the blob had arranged it. She was just about to do it again when a loud voice froze her in her tracks

“HEY YOU!!!”

It was the shopkeeper. An angry bald man who was around Carole’s original height of 5,7. His eyes were gleaming with fury at the mess she had caused to his shop which was now littered with chocolate and sweet wrappers as well as half-drunk bottles of pop.

“What have you done to my shop!!?”

“Err, I was hungry, me and my friend were hunting for food”

“You know what I don’t care what the reason is, I’m calling the police”

Just as he was about to pick up the phone however the shopkeeper looked at her again in a puzzled manner

“You and your friend?, “I only see one of you, where’s the other one hiding?

“Would you like to meet her?”

“Yes because she’ll be going to jail with you”

“Ok friend it’s time for you to come out now” Carole smirked

And to the shopkeepers horror her eyes turned into the pupil less glowing green that indicated that the blob was now in charge

“Hello handsome” it laughed evilly. “Let’s have some fun”

Using its monstrous arms the possessed Carole grabbed the shopkeeper and smothered him until he was blue in the face. The man screamed and tried to run but he was stuck to Carole’s stomach as her entire body was getting increasingly more gelatinous. He tried to snap the braces on Carole’s pants in hope the elastic would hit her in the eye but it was useless

“Tug them all you want, their extra stretchy and can’t be snapped”

Then Carole sucked her stomach in before exhaling and the extra rubber bounced into the shopkeeper and sent him flying across the room.

As he lay on the ground, Carole approached him and his face was paralysed with fear.

“What are you?”

With one eye now normal and the other still glowing green the 2 entities cried simultaneously…

“WE ARE THE BLOB”

And she picked him up, stretched her mouth out and started to force him down her throat. His screams of terror and mercy fell on deaf ears. Carole put both hands on his head and the weight of them crushed his skull rendering his last moments motionless as she forced him inside and ingested him.

“BUUUUUURRRRRRP”

Carole then noticed that the whole thing had been caught on CCTV. She wanted to keep her new body away from the police as long as possible. She stood eyeball to eyeball with the camera and smooched the camera lens with her big red lips. Then she chewed the camera up using her metallic like teeth and left it crumpled in a heap in the corner before popping herself out of the door.

As soon as she got outside Carole suddenly felt a tingling throughout her body. The blob had just finished processing what she’d eaten in the corner shop and turned it into fat which meant only one thing. Carole started expanding in size and girth again. Her height pushed into the top end of 7 foot and was pushing 8 feet. Her belly continued to grow bigger and was getting softer thanks to the gelatinous life form inside her. Suddenly her expanding feet bust out of her shoes like a knife through butter revealing her shiny red toenails and the back of her blazer split open forcing her to take it off. When the expansion stopped Carole looked at herself and felt less like a human and more like a waterbed because she was jiggling everywhere.

“HA HA HA HA What amazing power”

“It feels good doesn’t it Caz?”. “Your almost ready to conquer the planet but first I believe we have a food court to ravage”

Getting back onto the Main Street Carole realised she was now big enough to walk on the road without taking damage from a car and she suspected that this wasn’t her final form yet either. The remainder of the journey was just as frightening as Carole caught and ate an actual Cat as well as sucking up a whole flock of pigeons which were fighting over scraps of bread. All the while the blob pumped her body with artificial pleasure to reward her for the good job she was doing.

Eventually they reached their destination: Happy go lucky food court which was a huge rectangle complex with a big smiling emoji as the sign on top. Carole squeezed her way through the doors and went inside….

Chapter 5: The food court

This food court was unusual in that the corridors were always open, even though the food shops were closed. Carole lumbered through the dimly lit hallways, her belly jiggling with each stomp of her feet she took while it grumbled for more food. Carole loved coming to the food court on her days off, and the only issue she was facing was which place to ravage first. She could try the sweet shop and eat her favourite jellybean flavours, there was another shop that sold pizza bases allowing you to make your own and with her new abilities Carole could just touch it and it’d be ready. There was also a massive shop of cheese at the far end, and Carole was certainly looking forward to going there. The thought of stuffing entire cheese wheels down her wider stretching mouth was making her drool. Wherever she started, there was plenty of opportunity.

Suddenly Carole caught a view of the most magical place she had seen in the building. It was a big pink rectangular shop, and its title was simply called “Shake and Cake”. Inside there were some of the biggest and well-designed cakes that Carole had ever seen ranging from special events like birthdays and weddings lavished in white icing to normal chocolate covered ones.

Carole shivered and her whole body wobbled as she gazed through the shop window with saliva dripping from her hungry mouth.

“Have you ever felt like you’ve died and gone to paradise?” She asked the blob

“I can just taste them from here” came the reply. “Let’s get you inside and feast”

“Hang on a minute, we can’t trip an alarm by breaking the glass, there must be a better way”

“In that case I may have a great idea, hang tight for a minute”

The blob went quiet for a minute, so Carole decided to recap a whirlwind night. She’d found an alien life form, it had merged with her DNA, they’d eaten relentlessly to become an all-conquering monster and devoured a newsagent as well as the shopkeeper himself. Carole pinched herself to see if it had all been a weird dream but no this was reality and she sensed the best was yet to come

“Ok Caz” the blob returned “you’ll enjoy this idea, I want you to spit as hard as you can at the door”

“Not sure what to expect here but you’ve not let me down yet”

Carole spat at the door and instead of saliva what came out was a projectile of green slime which upon contact with the door completely dissolved the glass leaving her with free entry inside. For a minute Carole worried if she’d accidentally spat her friend out but she was quickly reassured

“I’m still here Caz, I’m fused inside your system remember”

Carole squeezed inside and was ready for another feast

“Let’s do this”

She picked up a cake the size of a balloon and stretched her mouth as big as she could. Then she shoved the whole thing inside, chewing it with ease before swallowed it. Carole let out an excited laugh, and from there she was relentless. Whatever the size of the cake, she ate them at a frightening pace. Her face increasingly getting covered with sticky icing, crumbs and chocolate. The shop also had iced buns and muffins, which stood no resistance to Carole’s ravenous appetite. She chose to eat these in between the big cakes so she could savour them more. Then she had even more fun by using the powerful motor in her mouth to suck the cakes and muffins into her ever-expanding gullet. To say she was enjoying herself was describing it very kindly.

About halfway through Carole’s binge, the expansion in her body took its toll on her clothing. The braces on her pants which had looked stretched ever since she’d put her new clothes on finally had to give way. Because they could no longer snap off, Carole had to unclip them, and she could only watch as they flew across the other side of the room. She was disappointed at that but realised that she might not be needing trousers soon.

Seconds later there was a mighty POP!! as the top button on her blouse burst free. Carole was mightily relieved at this because it was getting stuck under her swelling chin which had now long doubled and was tripling so it’s popping had given her neck some much needed breathing space. Seconds later…

POP, POP, POP, POP, POP!!!

The rest of the buttons gave up and flew away revealing Carole’s dome of a stomach. This was swiftly followed by a RIIIIIP!!! as loads of tears started appearing throughout the back of her blouse and her trousers as a sea of newly formed fat overpowered them so it could have space to breathe

SNAP!!!

PING!!!

The bracelets and rings covering Carole’s hands and arms all snapped and burst away. Some of them flew into the cakes which she only saw when she chose the next one as her prey. Barely anything could stop Carole now

By the time she reached the final couple of cakes, she looked unrecognisable from the woman who’d woken up at midnight. Her body was now a big blob of flesh with a round head and face, cheeks and lips that looked like they were full of cotton, a chin that was nearly trebled and merging with her neck, arms that looked like she’d swallowed a pair of armbands, sausage fingers, bubble butt and tree trunk legs. This was the most fun Carole had had for years, but now the blob had been fed so much food it was ready to perform its grand finale.

Chapter 6: The monster is born

Carole was just about to reach the last couple of cakes that were on the highest shelf when she suddenly felt a strange and slightly painful sensation from her stomach downwards. It was like her organs were dissipating inside of her and her lower physical structure was collapsing. Before she knew it Carole suddenly felt like she was shrinking because the top shelf seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. She looked down and saw that her feet and legs were melting away into a pool of sludge and her lovely bubble butt was deflating too. Eventually it stopped at her round dome of a stomach leaving Carole sitting on the floor like some overstuffed beanbag

“What’s happening to me!!?” Carole cried in a state of panic

“Calm down” the blob assured her “this is all just part of the final stage”

“What final stage?”

“I’m afraid the time has come where I can no longer help you”. I am being fully absorbed by your body and you are going to take over from me”

“No… you…can’t mean…. what I think you mean”

But before Carole could say anymore, she suddenly felt herself stretching higher and wider until her head crashed through the ceiling. She then felt the same sharp pain in her torso like her rib cage, heart and spine were all just melting away. Her skin was now close to breaking point, and Carole knew it wasn’t long before her old human life would be no more.

“I guess this is goodbye”. “I’m so grateful that I found you and I can’t thank you enough for changing my life for the better” Carole said almost tearfully

“It was my pleasure, thank you for giving me the platform to achieve our dream”. “Now go out there and finish what we started”. “Farewell Carole” came the reply

Then 2 seconds later there was a mighty POP and Carole Williams was no more. Not in the flesh anyway...

Carole realised she was still alive, and she was still feeling hungry. She opened her eyes to discover that she was now a 15-foot tall, 1000-pound blob of light green jelly. The stretching she had felt was her gaining her size and width while her organs and skeleton had been dissolved to make her living tissue out of jelly. The bursting of her skin finally created the mould.

“This feels so incredible, I can do whatever I want like this” Carole said excitedly

She gazed around the remains of the cake shop and saw her old human skin splattered across the walls. Then she noticed an incredible sight developing next to her. The main reception desk was pressing against her new blob like form before it was then sucked into the gelatinous mass and assimilated. Another huge grin spread across Carole’s face, and she made her vow

“I will make you proud slimy, I will take over this planet, people will scream and run from me, but they won’t escape my wrath, they won’t refer to me as Carole Williams, they will instead refer to me as….

THE BLOBWOMAN!!!”
 
Last edited:

Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
Very entertaining! Such a unique idea. I really like the pace and tone. I can't even imagine what happens at the end. I'm assuming it's part of a bigger piece. It would be a page-turner for sure.

There are a few typos you should find with spell check. Also a few punctuation errors for example:

“The blob wasn’t a dud after all, it s helping me realise my dream, this is amazing!!!”, “I’m becoming Carole 2.0” she whooped with joy.

“The blob wasn’t a dud, after all, it's helping me realize my dream, this is amazing!!! I’m becoming Carole 2.0” she whooped with joy.

I also think you could emphasize her motivation a bit more. The loving to eat is pretty easy to follow, but then you lost me a bit when she drove into the parking area at the woods entrance and investigated where the meteorite had landed. What was she thinking? How would this fulfill her dream? And then again, when she decided to eat the blob. Why did she know that would give her powers? You don't need a lot. Just some internal monologue would work. "I heard that these meteorites carry a delicious edible blob." I know you can do better than that, but you catch my drift. Where is her logic?

Also, be careful of starting too many sentences with "Carole." You should switch between, Carole, she, and her, but you can also eliminate the repetition. For example, if she is the only one present you can say:

Another huge grin spread over Carole’s face at the possibilities ahead

The possibilities ahead generated a huge grin from ear to ear.

Good work!
 
Very entertaining! Such a unique idea. I really like the pace and tone. I can't even imagine what happens at the end. I'm assuming it's part of a bigger piece. It would be a page-turner for sure.

There are a few typos you should find with spell check. Also a few punctuation errors for example:

“The blob wasn’t a dud after all, it s helping me realise my dream, this is amazing!!!”, “I’m becoming Carole 2.0” she whooped with joy.

“The blob wasn’t a dud, after all, it's helping me realize my dream, this is amazing!!! I’m becoming Carole 2.0” she whooped with joy.

I also think you could emphasize her motivation a bit more. The loving to eat is pretty easy to follow, but then you lost me a bit when she drove into the parking area at the woods entrance and investigated where the meteorite had landed. What was she thinking? How would this fulfill her dream? And then again, when she decided to eat the blob. Why did she know that would give her powers? You don't need a lot. Just some internal monologue would work. "I heard that these meteorites carry a delicious edible blob." I know you can do better than that, but you catch my drift. Where is her logic?

Also, be careful of starting too many sentences with "Carole." You should switch between, Carole, she, and her, but you can also eliminate the repetition. For example, if she is the only one present you can say:

Another huge grin spread over Carole’s face at the possibilities ahead

The possibilities ahead generated a huge grin from ear to ear.

Good work!
I’m happy you liked the original piece of work. I still felt it needed more work though so I’ve created an even better version that I feel is my best yet
 

gwell66

Senior Member
(I thought I would create a better version of my Blobwoman story. I’ve tried to flesh it out and give it more depth. Feedback would be most appreciated)
The name pulled me in with the promise of some silliness, camp and fun.
Chapter 1: The Discovery
Carole Williams loved science. It had been a passion of hers ever since she was a little child. She’d spend hours a day trying to create a project that would serve a good purpose to the world, but she hadn’t quite managed to achieve one.
Her passion for science led to her to train for a teaching role at a school and she quickly proved popular with the class. They felt that Carole really knew her stuff knowledge-wise and how to use the equipment physically wise. While her personal ambition hadn’t quite been fulfilled Carole was happy enough with her life and job.
That was until the day of the announcement….
“You wanted to see me boss” Carole reported to her Supervisor Melanie
I havent found the beginning of your story just yet. What I mean by that is skip the exposition. All of that stuff can be important character development but show it as the story progresses.

The way this works now, it's kind of like the narrator is going "Hey, you wanna read a story? Let me just spill some info first and then you can get to the story"

Now we have the promise of an issue, there's tension bc she'[s reporting to her supervisor. But let's read on slightly bc there might be a slightly better way to lead into this.
“Yes Carole I did, please take a seat”
Melanie sat down in her office chair and looked a tad regretful and long faced
“As you know the school has been struggling with funding problems in recent months and sadly all the departments have been told that they need to trim the staff. I’ve thought long and hard about this decision, but I’ve decided that you are one of those I have to let go, I’m so sorry.
Carole tried to put a brave face on the decision but as she left the office to pack her stuff her mind was burning with rage. She had never particularly liked Melanie because she felt that her style displayed too much authority and didn’t let anyone whether it was teacher or student express themselves in any way.
BAM Here's our opening. Here's our tension, our conflict bt characters AND an opportunity to establish Carole as a science lover all in one. Craft a scene that shows her boundless enthusiasm for the kids. Something eye catching that gets her and the kids really going. Then she can be reprimanded by the supervisor for being too loud or unorthodox. "The curriculum doesn't say the kids need to have fun, it says they need to understand natural selection. I fail to see how you dressing like a bird teaches them natural selection."
"It's a finch. It's Darwin's finch! It was one of the most wonderful examples of natural selection and he perfectly presented it. Did you know he was afraid to even-."

"It's a distraction! I want my staff to look professional, not like they came straight from the Rainforest Cafe"

Something comes up. The conversation ends. Melanie says to come see her in her office tomorrow. Carole spends a bit of time anxious about what's just happened. Maybe she reflects on some things to show her love of science. She comes in the next day, dressed to the 9s. But she's nervous. Then she has a seat and this firing scene happens. Also some of the dialogue should be adjusted. Like the "As you know," cardinal sin of writing. If a character knows something, don't tell them.

I'm reading ahead and notice you wrote Melanie is torn about the decisions which is odd bc she's given Carole the impression that they're kind of clashing enemies.

perhaps have Carole feel a bit more positively about Melanie. Or, if Carole has a temper, highlight this a bit as a character flaw of hers. We could have Melanie reviewing her performance with another supervisor (Sometimes teachers on the chopping block get put on improvement plans where multiple supervisors collaborate on reviewing. Melanie keeps trying to give her lifelines during the tandem review but Carole is too stubborn and angry to see it. So Melanie has her hands tied.
But now that she’d been fired for nothing more than budgetary reasons, she now had a burning hatred that was as bright as the Earth’s sun. She believed that Melanie had really fired her because she was jealous of how good she was at teaching and performing science.
Slight contradiction as we are told she thinks it's just budget. But then she immediately tells us she thinks it's also a jealousy thing. But if Melanie has been kind/likes her, we need a reason to believe that Carole would see this as jealousy. Also I think this would be better if "the bright as the sun" could be a more unique, science-y metaphor.
Had she looked back she’d have seen Melanie crying her heart out at having to make that decision. She believed Carole was her best teacher and she was simply too expensive to keep on…
As she got into her car to leave Carole shook back her light brown hair and glared at everyone around her. If Melanie didn’t respect her then surely no one else around here did so either.
Whoa so this implies Carole has some HUGE issues. That would be very good to see reflected, maybe in the way she argues over her performance review (or over something you come up with)
“I’ll show you all what I’m capable of”. I’ll create an amazing piece of work and gain all of your respect”. She thought angrily to herself
A little too on the nose. It's great that we're establishing motivation though! It's a solid motivation.
Then she set off for home and at this point she was just desperate to get home and relax.
Sentence is a little repetitive. Might be better to start with "At this point". Or honestly, I'd say skip this line bc the next sentence describes her desperate, angry journey home which is great bc that's what I was oing to suggest.
Such was her desperation that on this particular night she took a shortcut onto a singular road instead of taking the usual motorway. She was halfway down this road to her home when she looked up and see what appeared to be a shooting star.
“I wish there was a way that I could rule this planet and become something more than I am now” Carole thought to herself hopefully even though she knew it would never happen
Whoa. Ruin the planet? That's extremely heavy. We need to lead in to Carole being this angry and deranged as a person. Plenty of people get fired but it's really unique for someone to go straight from a firing to "I want to destroy the planet". For someone this deranged, she prob should have caused more of a ruckus at work. It also makes it hard to think melanie liked her.
As the thought passed through her mind however she noticed that it wasn’t a star at all, it was actually a meteorite and not only that she also saw that it was heading into the area close to her car.
Just curious, are you going for more of a 8-12 year old reader group? Some of the cadence reads like a more advanced kids story. Which is honestly a great thing. You have a defined narrator voice that fits a certain genre and demographic. You have a flawed character with relate-able problems and the setup for deep emotional conflict. I just wasnt sure if this cadence and tone were intentional. If not, it might be good for you to know your writing style does a good job capturing that kind of energy.
The meteorite flew into the big forest of trees and crashed into the woods right next to the road Carole was on.
This could be pretty epic and Carole, science geek, could be having a much larger reaction as she watches it descend.
Carole drove into the parking area at the woods entrance and investigated where it landed. Switching on her torch she waded her way through the thick mossy branches and patches of wet mud which got her hands and clothes quite muddy until at last she reached the crash site.
Is torch flashlight? I feel like torch was an odd vocab choice to use for this particular story.

The last sentence is a little bit of a run on.
The ground was venting smoke and the meteorite had appeared to burn up into a small rock crater, which was now a brownish red colour because of its fiery entrance.
Same thing let this breathe a little bit. Give it a good two or three sentences to describe.
Carole was just about to touch it when suddenly it started cracking and then burst open into small pieces.
Build to Carole working up the courage to touch it, too. Build the tension which then gets a mini release when POP goes the rock. When it starts cracking, perhaps something in the way it cracks or spews smoke alerts Science mind Carole to run and so that's when she runs. Build up with a crack. Have her run. Then POP.
Carole ducked behind a bigger rock to avoid any injuries.
When she regained her courage, she poked her head out to see what remained, and she was amazed.
Perhaps have a duel between her curiosity and fear with her love of knowledge quickly winning out, motivating her to look. Then she looks and her eyes go wide.
Revealed on top of the only remaining piece of the meteorite was a small glowing blob of light green goo, which seemed to be a little sentient as it was moving around on its own slightly.
Take your time. Describe some movements that would let her figure out it's sentient.
“This is so cool and exactly the sort of thing I need to achieve my dreams, I’d better get this home quickly”
I'd take out the "This is the sort..." part. It's a slight stretch for her to think this could help her achieve world ruination. She could fantasize about being the first to find alien life and the kind of prestige this might bring. She might be excited to plum the depths of its genetic makeup to learn something no other human knows. Something to satisfy her vanity for sure.
Without hesitation, Carole scooped up the blob using a stick and carried it all the way back to her car where she placed it in her lunch container. She vacated the area, intrigued with her find and what it might do...
I like the ending. leave us with some promise of more to come. So overall this just needs a little more meat on its bones! A few things to lead us into Carole and the depth of her craziness. Some more character development would go real well too with melanie. I hope the reasons were clear and made sense. (I could just be wrong!) I thought there also might be some humor but there wasn't too much just yet. This kinda story feels like it would really benefit from some.
 
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gwell66

Senior Member
SO I did a funny. Since I used the back arrows to navigate to the previous page and then used the forward arrow, it brought me back to the original version of this page. That version didn't have my post. So I panicked, thinking I had clicked away and lost everything I wrote. Phew.
 
The name pulled me in with the promise of some silliness, camp and fun.

I havent found the beginning of your story just yet. What I mean by that is skip the exposition. All of that stuff can be important character development but show it as the story progresses.

The way this works now, it's kind of like the narrator is going "Hey, you wanna read a story? Let me just spill some info first and then you can get to the story"

Now we have the promise of an issue, there's tension bc she'[s reporting to her supervisor. But let's read on slightly bc there might be a slightly better way to lead into this.

BAM Here's our opening. Here's our tension, our conflict bt characters AND an opportunity to establish Carole as a science lover all in one. Craft a scene that shows her boundless enthusiasm for the kids. Something eye catching that gets her and the kids really going. Then she can be reprimanded by the supervisor for being too loud or unorthodox. "The curriculum doesn't say the kids need to have fun, it says they need to understand natural selection. I fail to see how you dressing like a bird teaches them natural selection."
"It's a finch. It's Darwin's finch! It was one of the most wonderful examples of natural selection and he perfectly presented it. Did you know he was afraid to even-."

"It's a distraction! I want my staff to look professional, not like they came straight from the Rainforest Cafe"

Something comes up. The conversation ends. Melanie says to come see her in her office tomorrow. Carole spends a bit of time anxious about what's just happened. Maybe she reflects on some things to show her love of science. She comes in the next day, dressed to the 9s. But she's nervous. Then she has a seat and this firing scene happens. Also some of the dialogue should be adjusted. Like the "As you know," cardinal sin of writing. If a character knows something, don't tell them.

I'm reading ahead and notice you wrote Melanie is torn about the decisions which is odd bc she's given Carole the impression that they're kind of clashing enemies.

perhaps have Carole feel a bit more positively about Melanie. Or, if Carole has a temper, highlight this a bit as a character flaw of hers. We could have Melanie reviewing her performance with another supervisor (Sometimes teachers on the chopping block get put on improvement plans where multiple supervisors collaborate on reviewing. Melanie keeps trying to give her lifelines during the tandem review but Carole is too stubborn and angry to see it. So Melanie has her hands tied.

Slight contradiction as we are told she thinks it's just budget. But then she immediately tells us she thinks it's also a jealousy thing. But if Melanie has been kind/likes her, we need a reason to believe that Carole would see this as jealousy. Also I think this would be better if "the bright as the sun" could be a more unique, science-y metaphor.

Whoa so this implies Carole has some HUGE issues. That would be very good to see reflected, maybe in the way she argues over her performance review (or over something you come up with)

A little too on the nose. It's great that we're establishing motivation though! It's a solid motivation.

Sentence is a little repetitive. Might be better to start with "At this point". Or honestly, I'd say skip this line bc the next sentence describes her desperate, angry journey home which is great bc that's what I was oing to suggest.

Whoa. Ruin the planet? That's extremely heavy. We need to lead in to Carole being this angry and deranged as a person. Plenty of people get fired but it's really unique for someone to go straight from a firing to "I want to destroy the planet". For someone this deranged, she prob should have caused more of a ruckus at work. It also makes it hard to think melanie liked her.

Just curious, are you going for more of a 8-12 year old reader group? Some of the cadence reads like a more advanced kids story. Which is honestly a great thing. You have a defined narrator voice that fits a certain genre and demographic. You have a flawed character with relate-able problems and the setup for deep emotional conflict. I just wasnt sure if this cadence and tone were intentional. If not, it might be good for you to know your writing style does a good job capturing that kind of energy.

This could be pretty epic and Carole, science geek, could be having a much larger reaction as she watches it descend.

Is torch flashlight? I feel like torch was an odd vocab choice to use for this particular story.

The last sentence is a little bit of a run on.

Same thing let this breathe a little bit. Give it a good two or three sentences to describe.

Build to Carole working up the courage to touch it, too. Build the tension which then gets a mini release when POP goes the rock. When it starts cracking, perhaps something in the way it cracks or spews smoke alerts Science mind Carole to run and so that's when she runs. Build up with a crack. Have her run. Then POP.

Perhaps have a duel between her curiosity and fear with her love of knowledge quickly winning out, motivating her to look. Then she looks and her eyes go wide.

Take your time. Describe some movements that would let her figure out it's sentient.

I'd take out the "This is the sort..." part. It's a slight stretch for her to think this could help her achieve world ruination. She could fantasize about being the first to find alien life and the kind of prestige this might bring. She might be excited to plum the depths of its genetic makeup to learn something no other human knows. Something to satisfy her vanity for sure.

I like the ending. leave us with some promise of more to come. So overall this just needs a little more meat on its bones! A few things to lead us into Carole and the depth of her craziness. Some more character development would go real well too with melanie. I hope the reasons were clear and made sense. (I could just be wrong!) I thought there also might be some humor but there wasn't too much just yet. This kinda story feels like it would really benefit from some.

Wow there’s a lot of good suggestions I could put into the story. It is only a first draft of the new version of the story and there’s a lot of transition needed from telling to showing so Thank you. I was wondering if you could do it for all 6 parts considering this is only the opening we’ve covered
 

gwell66

Senior Member
Wow there’s a lot of good suggestions I could put into the story. It is only a first draft of the new version of the story and there’s a lot of transition needed from telling to showing so Thank you. I was wondering if you could do it for all 6 parts considering this is only the opening we’ve covered
Might take me a little bit to get to more but I'd be happy look over some more. Really glad it helped!
 
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