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Ashes (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Your words
Splash
Across the pages of my soul
Red, hot
Raging
Expressions in bold
Colorful
Perceptions
Plastered across parchment
They stamp out
The small, dainty script
Til only your signature remains

And now my soul is black and blue
Hot to the touch
Inflamed
Charred unrecognizable
Blackened slips of paper
Disintegrate
At the slightest touch
…No more love letters
Only ashes
Within

Its just remarkable Happy. Just too lovely. The flow of the imagery in those feelings just draws reader get all immersed in that... Shock.... despair....pain altogether.
Extraordinary .

Waiting to read about some happy feelings from you someday,

Good luck

Ritu
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
Its just remarkable Happy. Just too lovely. The flow of the imagery in those feelings just draws reader get all immersed in that... Shock.... despair....pain altogether.
Extraordinary .

Waiting to read about some happy feelings from you someday,

Good luck

Ritu

Ah, thanks Ritu. It's nice reading what someone feels when they read what you wrote. As always, I appreciate your comments and feedback.

I'm still thinking about Twin Flames but I haven't thought of a way to write it yet...
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I really love the rhythm and flow of this piece it has a great heartbeat to it that carries the reader through.

For me, I find this use of the soul an abstraction, it’s hard to write about an idea or a concept, I would love you to deal with the idea of soul through a more concrete medium and metaphor, ground it and you give the reader something tangible.

Cheers

Syd
 

happy-hippie

Senior Member
Hello,

I really love the rhythm and flow of this piece it has a great heartbeat to it that carries the reader through.

For me, I find this use of the soul an abstraction, it’s hard to write about an idea or a concept, I would love you to deal with the idea of soul through a more concrete medium and metaphor, ground it and you give the reader something tangible.

Cheers

Syd

Thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. I am thinking about it and how to use metaphors as you suggested.
 
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