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Angels (1 Viewer)

beaux

Senior Member
This is an article for my english 311 class. We're going to submit our assignments to magazines and such after we finish them. Any crits would be appreciated. I'd especially appreciate any help on the conclusion/closer.

Do you believe in angels? Some people think that they are real, and others think that they are just 'hocus-pocus.' Whether you do or don't, the question of angels’ existance has been around for thousands of years! In fact, people have been writing about and drawing pictures of angels since 3000 B.C. The earliest of these artifacts comes from ancient Sumeria, a country that is now known as Lebanon.

The Sumerians had very strong beliefs and perceptions about angels. Most interesting was that they called angels "the shining ones." The Sumerians gave us a description of these brightly glowing people in writing on eleven clay tablets. They said that they were taller than the average Sumerian and had shining faces. They even said that they had "eyes like lamps" and "faces like the sun." Doesn’t that sound like something from a sci-fi movie?

Even more interesting is the way the Sumerian society seemed to advance technologically and artistically right when these 'angels' showed up. Before the Sumerians, the only kind of writing and art was done in cave-dwellings and on cliff walls. Yet suddenly, around 5,500 years ago or 3000 B.C., there was an explosion of artwork and sculpture! People started creating statues and reliefs on everything imaginable. And wouldn't you know it? Their favorite subjects were tall, bright and big-eyed angels. Most of these types of people that they depicted had wings too! Not just two wings, though, like you may be used to seeing. Their angels had two, four, or sometimes even more wings!

So if you thought angels are only in books and movies, think again! So if you thought angels are only in books and movies, think again! Angels have been around a lot longer than that.
 

beaux

Senior Member
had to add some more

Do you believe in angels? Some people think that they are real, and others think that they are just 'hocus-pocus.' Whether you do or don't, people have been talking about angels for thousands of years! In fact, people have been writing about and drawing pictures of angels since 3000 B.C. The earliest of these artifacts comes from ancient Sumeria, a country that is now known as Lebanon.

The Sumerians had very strong beliefs and perceptions about angels. Most interesting was that they called angels "the shining ones." The Sumerians gave us a description of these brightly glowing people in writing on eleven clay tablets. They said that they were taller than the average Sumerian and had shining faces. They even said that they had "eyes like lamps" and "faces like the sun." Doesn’t that sound like something from a sci-fi movie?

Even more interesting is the way the Sumerian society seemed to advance technologically and artistically right when these 'angels' showed up. Before the Sumerians, the only kind of writing and art was done in cave-dwellings and on cliff walls. Yet suddenly, around 5,500 years ago or 3000 B.C., there was an explosion of artwork and sculpture! People started creating statues and reliefs on everything imaginable. And wouldn't you know it? Their favorite subjects were tall, bright and big-eyed angels. Most of these types of people that they depicted had wings too! Not just two wings, though, like you may be used to seeing. Their angels had two, four, or sometimes even more wings!

And it didn’t stop with the Sumerians either! Egyptians were the next big civilization to come around (2500 B.C.) and they had angels too. Their angels were often protectors and friends of humans, pretty much like what we call a ‘guardian angel’ today. The most famous of these angels was Isis. Isis was queen of all the other Egyptian goddesses and was very powerful. Her strongest attribute was that she could use magic, and she used it on many occasions to bring her friends back to life. They called her the ‘Lady of Heaven’ and ‘Lady of Life.’ What made her really angelic though were her wings. She had huge wings! They extended almost twice as far out as her arms.

Not all ancient cultures though say that their angels had wings. The Norsemen, for example, were much too brutish to talk about feathers and things. They were fearsome warriors that ruled Northern Europe around 1000 A.D. They lived in harsh, cold weather and spent a lot of their time attacking each other. So it makes sense that their angels were always covered in armor, fur and weaponry. You might have heard of one of these angels, he’s pretty famous. He carried a gianormous hammer, sparks flew from his beard and he had fantastic strength. Have you guessed it yet? He’s now become the popular comic book character, ‘Thor.’

Just like Thor, the angels we hear about today have been in the making for thousands of years from the ancient Sumerians to the Norsemen and lots more. Those cultures gave us their stories about angels, but what’s the truth? Are they real? Who knows; maybe someday we’ll find out.
 
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mammamaia

Senior Member
both need a good proofread to catch all the errors... and the second version needs line breaks where your print version has indents, to be able to read it without going blind...

i'd strongly suggest losing most [or all] of those '!'s and taking out teen-coined words like 'gianormous'... unless, of course, this is aimed at teen-zines...

love and hugs, maia
 

beaux

Senior Member
oh ya, sorry. It is supposed to be geared towards a younger audience.

Hmm, about the indents, the text editor doesn't allow spaces at the beginning of paragraphs. Is there a key or code you can type for tabs?

Thanks - b
 

skullfire

Member
Holy Satan!

This should definitely be labeled for kids. Precisely, whatever comes before pre-teens. Even then it might be insulting, though. I think the author needs to find a balance: If you're going to be dumbing it down, then you need to find a way to impart bigger ideas more compactly. If that even makes sense. Wow, though. It scares me that this was written by such a high level student. Even at this level it is friggin scary to see stuff written this way.
 

beaux

Senior Member
lol, you're definitely direct:)

In defense of my university, I should tell you that I've spent the last three years drawing - not writing;) Other than the general english requirement, I haven't written anything more than an email in several years. Writing's just now becoming a new side-dish for me, a little at least.
 

skullfire

Member
Hey, I take that back. That was a little harsh. It's harder than people think to put words and sentences together. Especially these days, with education out the window and every child left WAY behind.

I think your story is cute.

Good luck in both your drawing and your writing. Maybe you can write and illustrate children's books? That would be fun.
 
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