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angels among us (1 Viewer)

M

mathewnick

chapter 5 Angels among us

In life every possible thing that can or will ever happen has already happened somewhere. It is up to you to decide what parts of the everything you wish to bring into your life. With each choice you make, options and possibilities are deleted from your path and new ones take there place. If dorothy had taken another road to the wizard, would she have met the lion, tinman and scarecrow ?. Nothing is set in stone. Free will exists to a degree, with each choice made, certain possibilities disappear and new ones are created.

I got a new job at Automotive Lighting, a factory that made car headlights for General Motors, Toyota, Rover and others. The pay was two hundred and twenty five pounds a week. The most I had ever had. The people there were dog rough and dirt cheap. Most were friendly. Some had done time for murder. I worked night shift for four years and this seemed to suit me.

My dad said to me one day, "is this all you want to do, is this all you want to be ?". You could have knocked me over with a feather. I thought dad, you don't tell your children that they are dreamers all there life and expect then to become something. You don't show little interest in there lives and education and expect then to become something. Every time they say they would like to do or have something one day, you don't say to them, "on the carpet", a reference to a magic carpet. I was flabbergasted. I said, "i'm just grateful to have gotten this job dad". Such was my confidence level, even after being shown love.

We didn't have a lot growing up and with no education the only way to get some money was in a factory. I had an unconscious fear for a long time about self sustenance. Where the money would come from ?. How I would get to see the world ?. How I would get out of poverty ?. One thing my parents instilled into all there children was, you have to work. For everything you want. For everything you get. If you didn't you were out. No muss no fuss. I am grateful for this, it passed the time, although I took it to the extreme.

I needed a car to get to work so I asked my bank for a loan. I was accepted and bought an escort cabriolet from the auto trader. It was midnight blue, an xr3i, 1800 with alloys, electric windows, the works. I was really happy and cleaned it weekly. The insurance was horrendous, six hundred pounds, first year, twelve hundred the second. They wanted two thousand for the third year after a couple of accidents. The interest rate was high but I had little understanding of such things at the time.You learn.

I was watching television one night when the newsreader said they were receiving reports of a car crash in Paris involving Princess Diana, it was late. I thought oh dear and went to sleep. My father awoke me the next morning with news of her death. I was already in mourning so my mind was otherwise occupied.

My father called me into the lounge one night to look at a light in the sky. It was eight o'clock. I Iooked out the window and there was a really big bright gold light off in the distance, quite low in the sky. It was motionless, suspended in mid air. It looked like it was about three miles away. I watched it for about five minutes, it didn't move. The next night it was there again and again for four nights in a row. Could have been anything. Light has many facets.

My friend Michael moved to London a year previously. His friend Chris had already been living there a year. Marcus was at the end of his breakup with Graham and had just attended court for his stalker incident. He called me one day, I was sleeping, I slept days, worked nights. I heard my sister say I was sleeping. Something told me to get up and ring him. I did. He had come home after the club and the door was busted off, he had been robbed. They took some clothes and furniture. His money was well hidden. This was the final straw for Marcus. I went over. He said he'd had enough, he was moving to london. Big move. I was looking through some of the local gay magazines he had lying around. On the back page there was a picture of my guy, my Dieter, the guy I had left at the club. It was ten months later. I had been out a few times but had never seen him. He was at the Angel bar's birthday party. I couldn't believe it. I showed Marcus the picture. He knew bits of the story at that time. Marcus said, "be careful with a pretty boy like that, everyone will want piece". I said, " I know, do you think he's too good for me, I know, I thought that". Marcus said, " I didn't say that". I sat there staring at the picture debating whether to keep it or not. I had kept a picture of my previous boyfriend and it had made me really ill, physically and psychologically. I decide not to keep it. It was a decision I would regret. Many times.

Marcus made his move to london, I wished him luck. I helped him take some stuff down in my car. I visited him two or three times a year for about three years. He eventually got a council flat after spending six months in a hostel and some time dossing. It didn't come easily too him.
I rang Marcus and asked him if he wanted to come to Ibiza, he said "yes". I bought the tickets and off we went. We stayed in San Antonio town. The hotel was nice. Full of kids. We were half board which I was glad about. Ibiza is a fast, hectic place. The bay was disgusting, the faeces was obviously pumped straight out into the bay. It was floating everywhere. We went to the gay beach one day, straight from the clubs. It's really nice, Playa Es Cavallet. The sand is white, the water is crystal clear blue. They have sea food restaurants on the beach and cocktail bars. It's a bit of a trek to get to but well worth it. I had a prawn salad and a coconut cocktail. Paradise. There is only one gay club in Ibiza, it's quite small and not that good. There's a dark room up stairs. We went in for a few drinks and saw John Paul Gautier in there. He was coming out of the dark room, in his trademark stripey blue and white top. I ordered some drinks. The bar man walked off without taking my money and never came back. Marcus said, "you can go next time". After the clubs we would go around the cruising area for a while. There were some nice men hanging around. I went with one of them in the bush, he was really sexy. He kept sniffing poppers and passing them to me. Afterwards I met up with Marcus, I was in a bit of a mood, I was missing my Angel, my Dieter. Marcus was talking to Chris Geary, the wannabe model and dancer, at the bottom of the castle lift. I said "what are you talking to Rumplestiltskin for ?". I was being rude. I don't even know the guy. Marcus and I got a taxi and went back to the hotel. We got out and Marcus said, "nick, I got out the taxi and that boy looked at me, looked at my crotch, back at me and back at my crotch". He said, "I looked down and my dick was still hanging out". I just looked at him, then doubled over. I couldn't stop laughing for a full five minutes. The way he described it. The more I laughed, the more he would try and tell it again through his laughter. That was the best laugh I have ever had in my life. The next night, back to the bush again. Marcus disappeared. This young guy kept staring at me. He was quite cute. He followed me over some bushes and onto a cliff edge. He took out my penis and started sucking. I was masturbating him. I wasn't really in the mood. I couldn't come. Afterwards, he put his hands in my pockets and said, "give me all your money", I said, " you what ? ". He became quite forceful and I became quite annoyed. I thought in England your supposed to tell people first that your a rent boy. He took out my money. I said let me keep two thousand pesetas for a taxi. He wanted it all. There was about sixty pounds there. I wanted enough to be able to get home. I was getting more and more annoyed that he had deceived me and now he thought he was going to leave me with no way of getting back to the hotel. We started fighting, pushing each other back and forth, it was really quite dangerous, we were on a cliff edge, about one hundred and fifty feet up with a platform of about two feet. He eventually handed over the two thousand pesetas and put the rest in his pocket. I didn't mind. I thought he must need it quite badly. We walked down and Marcus was walking towards us, I called to him. The rent boy must have become frightened. He asked me if I wanted the fifty pounds back. I said, "no", you keep it. I told Marcus about it. Later I thought I should probably have given it all to him, kinda silly risking your life for twelve pounds. We clubbed it for the rest of the week and topped up our tans. We flew home and back to work. We knew we would come back again.

I was awoken from a deep sleep one night at home. A reverberating sound seemed to come up from the earth's core. It was like a train getting nearer or a plane approaching. When the floor and walls started shaking I realized it was an earthquake. It was very frightening. My parents were abroad. The first thing I thought of was my sister's kids. I hoped they were ok. The next day my sister told me they slept through it. My sister didn't. I found out on the news it was a six point eight. I wouldn't like to feel a more powerful one.

I went to Marcus's for the weekend. We met up with Chris our friend and went to Hampstead Heath. It was a sunny day so I took the roof off my cabriolet. When we got there Chris wanted to go cruising. There is a place there where gay men go to hook up with each other. We entered the wood and Chris pointed to some guy and said, "look truck drivers, bet he's got big balls". Marcus and I just looked at each other. Chris was famous for saying funny things. Marcus asked him once what his boyfriend was like and Chris replied, "he's got big seed". Marcus and I often laugh at Chris's comedic tongue. Chris's being tight only adds to his personality. He's known our friend Michael longer than us. He once turned up at Michaels, threw some loose change on the table and said, "put anything to that, an get a bag o rice".

Marcus and I would often go to Brighton in the summer. We would drive down with the roof off and go along the coast for an hour. It's really nice there in the summer. There's quite a big gay scene for a small town. There's a couple of saunas there and a popular but very dangerous cruising area. People have been stabbed there on several occasions. Marcus and I went for a look in the day once. Some guy was standing in a cove with his penis out. It was huge. The biggest i've ever seen. He looked a bit rough. I talked to him for a minute. He wanted me to take him to a local hardware store. I told Marcus, he said it was so he could get some paint thinner or lighter fuel to inhale. Marcus said, "let's take him back to the hotel and bath him". I laughed, we went for lunch instead. We went out to Zap club. We had a competition to see who could drink the most Jack Daniels. Some dancers came out on stilts, putting us both at ease. We met up with Chris the next day and stayed at his friend's hotel. We got drunk and I started mooching around all the rooms. I opened one door and some overweight old guy threw his quilt back and said, "want some o this? ". I ran back to my room. I was sharing with Chris and Marcus. I jumped on the bed and over the other side. Chris had half woken up and said, "what's goin on ?". The guy came storming in the room and stood there. I, said "she's sick", meaning Chris doesn't feel well, as if I was looking for a doctor. I don't think it washed. The next day Marcus couldn't stop laughing about it.

The following year Marcus and I went back to Gran Canaria. One night after the club I was walking home when some young guys asked me if I wanted drugs. I said no and carried on walking. I was really drunk, I still had my Jack Daniels and coke in my hand. They followed me still asking. Suddenly one of the boys punched me in my face. I was shocked. I punched him back. His mate joined in and kicked me. There was about eight or nine of them. I ran down the road to get away. This happened right outside the police station. If i'd have been sober I could have gone in there. The young guys chased after me. They were only about fifteen or sixteen. I threw my drink and sat on a wall. They approached and took my money. They took some cigarettes and there faces lit up. I couldn't believe how excited they were. Times must be real tough for these kids. In my drunkenness I thought it was a gay bashing, then I realized, these boys don't have enough to live on to be moralistic. They were just doing what young boys do, trying to survive. I was relieved when I realized they were uninterested in my sexuality. Marcus had been staying with a Swedish guy he'd met at his hotel. When he came back the next day and saw my black eye he couldn't believe it. The next night they actually tried to get Marcus. The same kids. There was a knock on my door at four in the morning. It was an out of breath Marcus. I said, "what's the matter ? ". He said he was coming home when they approached him, he took off his shoe and went to hit one of them with it. He ran to the nearest hotel and banged on the door, pointing at the kids. They ran off, Marcus continued to gesture to the receptionist. Only there was no receptionist there. You have to get up early in the morning to get one passed Marcus. I think he ran all the way home.

We took another holiday the same year to Sitges, Spain. I didn't enjoy it as much as Gran Canaria. It's a small town and a small gay scene. Some guys we met there had been robbed. They were stupid enough to give there safe keys to some guy they met. There's a small pretentious gay beach there, nothing to write home about. People make out on the beach at night, some queens told me to be careful as some guy was making out with people and robbing them. I saw a big red globe in the sky and told Marcus I'd seen mars, he said it was probably a star or something. We laughed.

I made a few visits to the club in Birmingham. I never saw my guy again. I slowly began to realize I'd broken his heart. He wasn't going to forgive me. I didn't want to believe it and chose not to for a while longer.
I decide it was time to move out of my parent's house aged twenty nine. I went looking at some houses and saw a nice one near work. It was a new show home. I got a mortgage and moved in. I negotiated all the fixtures and fittings and some of the furniture. It was a three bedroom semi-detached priced sixty nine thousand. I offered sixty three and to my surprise they accepted. It had an en suite bedroom and was fully decorated. A landscaped back garden, fitted kitchen and patio doors. It was perfect. Everything but the guy. I sold my car to meet the mortgage. The car insurer wanted two thousand a year. So long. I loved the house and the garden. It was a lot to clean. The garden was a lot of work. I had been working seven nights a week for the last three years. Nothing else to do. Buying things for the house. Never enough.

I bought my first computer. I spent hours and hours on there. The information age. They're not wrong. What an amazing invention. The world wide web. The information at one's fingertips is staggering. It's like everything you wanted to learn in school but never did.

One night I was sitting browsing on the computer when the door knocked. Eight o'clock on a sunday night. I opened it and the most beautiful guy was standing there. Tall, blonde, broad shoulders, about twenty six. As I opened the door he looked at me and laughed. I don't know whether it was his nerves or whether he was laughing at me. Either way it didn't set him in very good stead. He said he was looking for his uncle, he'd moved around here somewhere, they have a white car. It was raining slightly and he looked agitated. I couldn't help him, I said I don't know. He said, "come on mate, i've come a long way". I thought what does he want from me ?. Does he want me to invite him in, what ?. I couldn't think fast enough. I might have plucked up the courage to ask him in, if he hadn't of laughed as I opened the door. I'd have done a lot more besides, for him. I have a complex about certain things, I don't think it takes much energy to do or say the right thing and I expect it from others. If I don't get the respect I show to others then I don't care who you are, you wont spend very long in my company. Sometimes I think this is to my detriment. I said sorry and closed the door.

Marcus and I were ready for another break. We booked to go to palma in mallorca. It has a tiny gay scene and a small cruising area. We only went for four nights, I was quite glad. It has a third world feel to it. We went to the sauna. We got a taxi. It was quite far. The taxi wound round ever smaller and smaller lanes. I just looked at Marcus. I thought he's gonna get stuck soon. The roads were so narrow. We went in. The staff were quite friendly, asking us about London and England. We stayed in there most of the day relaxing. The club scene was kind of grotty, at the back of one bar they have a gay cinema, with chairs in rows. The gay area isn't very nice but the main high street in town is quite cosmopolitan. We were both glad to get home.

I hadn't been feeling well for a while. I felt like there was a weight around me and on top of me. I felt like I was in a rut. I was unhappy. I started having suicidal thoughts, regularly. I would lie in bed all morning, wondering what was wrong with me. The symptoms were difficult to describe. I felt down, heavy, low. I needed to figure something out but I didn't know what. I knew something wasn't right with me. I would later find out it was depression. I had it for about three months. I couldn't seem to shake it. I had been fed up before but nothing like this. I went to the doctors. He prescribed prozac. Two weeks later I stopped taking them. They were giving me heart palpitations. I felt tired all the time, worn out. I became fed up of work. The depression continued.

I had been working at the factory nearly five years. My supervisor was an ignorant, arrogant, horrible man. He was good at his job. He was forever asking me to work over. To be a team leader, without the title or pay. To be the scrap manager. To come in for meetings. Do this, do that. This went on for two years. My team and I were forever in the office. Good enough isn't good enough. More work less talk. Warnings if your off sick. Warnings if you lean over. Warnings if work comes back. In the office, you didn't do enough. This went on for over two years. He spoke to you like a child, unless he wanted something. He had the nerve to say to me once, "you should look after yourself you know". It was a nightmare working there. I actually had a nightmare one day, the first time ever and last. People wouldn't talk to you. They would shout, swear, argue, lie. It isn't my style, never was. I give people the respect and courtesy I would like to receive. Lead by example ?. Humility the worst form of conceit ?, Who knows, it didn't work. After nearly three years of this negativity I couldn't take any more. I left a few months later. One woman said to me, " he could have gotten in a lot of trouble for what he did to you, you know". Things happen for a reason, I know this now. I was just glad it was coming to an end, soon.

I sat watching television one sunday morning. Some woman was being interviewed. She was talking about angels. She was about fifty. She said she had been taken out of her body, around the world and all sorts. I thought is she for real or what ?. She seemed so normal, so convincing. I looked her up on the internet, Diana Cooper. I ordered one of her books and read it. It was interesting. A little light on angels. I didn't really believe it but I try to keep an open mind. In the book it says angels often use white feathers to show you they are around, or to help you make a decision. If your unsure about something and you see a white feather, do it. Diana says if you ask the angels to reveal themselves to you, they will. I said to myself, out loud and in my head, 'angels will you reveal yourself to me, please', and thought little more of it. The next morning I was making breakfast, I closed the fridge door and turned around. There was a silver spiral of light in front of me. It faded quickly. It was there for about a second. I couldn't believe it. I told my parents. My dad said it was probably my imagination. The next morning I was making my sandwiches for work when a small white feather blew in the kitchen window. You could have knocked me over with it. I couldn't believe it. A paradigm shift was about to take place. I spent hours wondering what this meant. They don't teach you this in school. I couldn't quite get my head around it. Spiritual beings of light ?. Existing on a different plane, dimension ?. No, it's too much. Intelligent light ?.

I went to marcus's for christmas and the new year. We had a good time in london. I returned home on january first. I was just approaching my home on the train when I started to feel really horny. I got home and had to go into the bedroom and masturbate. I felt hornier than I had ever felt. Almost like someone was touching me. I fell asleep. Someone licked my tongue. I knew instantly who and what it was. He was saying goodbye. He lifted me out of my body. We kissed, our lips parted. I said, "oh please, please". He said go back. I wouldn't let go. He bit my lip, gently. I released, he stopped. I held on again, he bit harder, it hurt, I quickly let go and woke up. I looked at the clock. I'd only been asleep a few minutes. I thought, that felt real, I was really tired, I went to sleep.
The next day I was sitting watching television when I remembered what happened the night before. I burst out crying. I knew what had happened was real. I knew it was my baby, my Dieter, my angel. He had killed himself. Either that or he had died naturally. The pain was intense. I tried not to think about it for a while. Unsuccessfully.

I went to work as usual. I began feeling strange. Like there was a presence around me. I had never been religious or spiritual. Something seemed to be constantly touching my genitals. It got worse. whenever I went near an electrical appliance it burst with excess electricity, scaring me. The phone would ring, no one there. I began to think the house might be haunted. I felt like someone had a permanent grip of my penis. I would go to the toilet at work and look at myself. My penis seemed to be moving back and forth. It frightened me. This went on for about a week.
I came straight back home from work one night. Something is very wrong with me. I don't know what it is. My sister rang me. I told her there is something I want to tell you, but not on the phone. She wouldn't let it go. My mom was with her. I told her I felt like there is a presence around me and it keeps touching me. She was naturally bewildered. We talked for a couple of hours. I said I would let them know if it got worse. I took two weeks off work. Appliances would make loud noises. My mugs on the mug stand started swinging by themselves. It happened again the next night. After ten minutes I rang my sister and told her. She said you need to get out of that house. I said if it gets any worse I will. I seemed to be loosing my mind. I wandered around the house seemingly unable to concentrate on anything. I wondered what was going on. I opened the fridge and there was a piece of paper in there with the word neurotic written on it. I didn't remember putting it in there. I didn't. I didn't realize it at the time but I had to go and look the word up on the computer. I didn't know what it meant. I couldn't have written it. My not realizing this will give you some idea of the state I was in at the time. I talked it over with my parents and my dad said, "if you've picked a spirit up in London, you need to take it back to where you found it". I just looked at him and thought, where I found it ?.

I rang the local vicar and asked him if he would come round and bless the house. I felt really crazy.

The next night the phone rang again. Nobody there. The cups started swinging. I'd had enough. I ran out of the house and rang my dad to come and fetch me. He took me to my sisters. She made me some soup. I was in a right state. I went in the kitchen to check the toast, as I leaned over the toaster revved up. I ran in the lounge and said does the toaster usually do that ?. My sister said, "yes". She told me the next day, it didn't, she didn't want to frighten me, she had heard it from the lounge. She wanted me to put the mugs on the mug stand. I did this. She watched as the mugs started swaying for about eight minutes. My mom rang to see how I was. I heard my mom asking about the mugs. My sister replied, "they did seem to swing for longer than I would have expected. My mom became concerned. She told me to make an appointment with the doctor. I did. I also made an appointment with the clairvoyant, I thought she will be able to tell me what's going on. I went to bed and tried to sleep. I couldn't. I got up and made a drink. My sister got up. I had felt someone touching me in the bed. My genitals, my hair. I knew who it was.

4961 words http://mathewnickse16.tripod.com/ for more
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
mathew...

even in the uk, there is no 'u' in 'among' ;-)

as for the piece itself, it can't be read in one big block like that... indents don't work on posts, so you have to go back and edit it [click the 'edit' button] and add a double line space for every place you had an indent...
 
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