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An Essay I wrote for school (1 Viewer)

  • Thread starter Forrest_Roberts
  • Start date
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Forrest_Roberts

Here is an essay I wrote. Please,no political controversy. This is an essay I wrote for a school assignment. I just want to know if you think I wrote the essay properly,y'know if the structure is alright. I want no political opinions whatsoever.


An Essay On Gun Control
By Forrest Roberts
"The right of the people to keep and bear Arms,shall not be infringed." says the second
ammendment to the US Constitution. unfortunately,there are some people who would like to
violate this right. More gun control will save more lives,they say,but the answer is self
control,not gun control.
The second ammendment to the Constitution of the United States fully states,"A well
regulated Militia,being necessary to the security of a free State,the right of the people
to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed." Some gun control enthusiasts have gone as
far as to say that the second ammendment says that only a militia has the right to own
firearms,but it clearly states that then people's right shall not be infringed.
The real problem lies not in firearms,but in the people. Self control is needed in the
maintaining of weapons. If a criminal is going commit a robbery in store that prohibits
firearms,he will not reconsider his crime just because of this law.
If you go by what you see in the media,then you probably do not know that guns save as
many,if not more,lives as they take. Positive situations involving firearms do not reach
the media as the negative ones do. Again,the problem lies within self control,not in gun
control. Gun control goes against what our founding fathers originally intended and
violates our God-given right to defend ourselves.
 

funkyjoez

Senior Member
You need a thesis statement where you outline what you will discuss in the essay. That's your main problem.
One thing that I've learned about writing essays is that in your body paragraphs, you should write a fact (which you did) and then analyze triple the length of that fact. So if you write a sentence of concrete details, write three sentences of analysis, you started analyzing, but didn't elaborate on your argument.
It seems like you're trying to write a persuasive essay. I can help you more, but you need to write more I think if you want a better essay. A wise man once told me to write like a miniskirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.
 
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