I wrote this story awhile back, and I recently gained new interest in it. I never really gathered any critique on it, so I like to know what you guys thought. (This is only a snippet mind you.)It would really help to have honest, and raw opinions on it, as I am changing parts in the rewrite. Thanks in advance and enjoy.
Xarra, Alterran City
Xarra, Alterran City
"Move! Calibus strike inbound!" Wailed Capt. Grueger, as he ushered a Saraan family to the hotel's rear. The young Captain's heart pounded with fear as he directed the small group, but oddly there was something else, excitement, a heightening of the senses, a persistent twinge in his abdomen, and the undeniable curiosity as to what lie ahead.
His jaw stiffened as the sudden burst of adrenaline propelled him beyond human limits. He felt faster, his movements more sharp and deliberate, even time yielded in his wake; bringing a new depth and clarity to his perception.
Grueger hurried the family into an area he deemed safe. Directing the band of panicked Saraans into the hotel's large and spacious kitchen.
The anxious captain bore his weight heavily upon the sturdy kitchen wall, his rifle poised eagerly at his hip. "Lay on the ground," He instructed. "Get as close to the floor as possible." His body tardily descended the brick construction, coming to rest in a crouching position.
The Saraans readily obliged, hurling themselves upon the tarnished wood floor at Grueger's command. The Krutzwig captain breathed discontentedly, trying at length to resist peering into the treacherous lobby.
His muscles twitched in anticipation, from the tip of his trigger-primed index finger, to the soles of his over traveled feet. The captain contemplated whether a glimpse into the lobby was worth the danger it conveyed, biting lightly upon his dry, pale lips as he thought; the mild contact eliciting a trickle of blood from his lower lip.
The inquisitive side of Grueger's self won over his actions, and the young Captain found himself reluctantly gazing into the vacant lobby.