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Allow me to introduce you to my school (1 Viewer)


Senior Member
Louisiana State University—sometimes I like to refer to it as LSU, Inc.—is a public university that prides itself in having a “unique” campus. Our campus is unique in that the old style buildings remain unchanged; well, our academic buildings at least. Our stadium, Death Valley—or what I like to call Cash Valley—has been under construction for the past two years.

During these two years of stadium construction, hundreds of parking spaces have been eliminated for an increasing population of commuting students, but you won’t see me complaining. As students (AKA stockholders) of LSU, we must all learn to adjust to the constantly changing environment of our unique university [corporation]. As an incredibly lazy commuter who prefers to walk less than a mile to class in the morning, I choose to schedule 7:30 a.m. classes and wake up somewhere around 5 o’clock to get first pick at parking. The melodic whisper of the 300-pound jackhammer on the roof of my 8:30 Biology class truly conveys the importance of a good education.

The faculty doesn’t complain either. You certainly won’t find Dr. Tenure or Prof. Sixfigures holding any protests outside the chancellor’$ office. They simply don’t have time for that. Heck, they hardly have time to teach their classes. However, there are teacher assistants—those kids who barely have more education than you, yet end up grading your essays—to help with this matter. LSU thinks of everything.

Then, there are those pesky non-doctoral instructors that tend to show up for class every single day, but they’ll be gone soon. LSU, Inc. is downsizing. It was finally decided that these nuisance instructors were just unnecessary. Why should so many teachers teach so many small classes when you can, more cost-effectively, put several hundred students in one auditorium? This business plan is slowly coming into effect, but it requires more money for construction. Fortunately, the kind-hearted students of LSU are more than happy to help cover the cost by paying a few dollars more in student fees each semester.

LSU students are a creative and laid-back bunch. We’re probably just like the students at your university, only we have a few different things to voice our opinion about. For example, students at LSU have decided to routinely concern themselves with the usage of the confederate flag. Some LSU football tailgaters (AKA high-profile customers) have chosen to fly a purple and gold version of the confederate flag to show both southern pride and school spirit. This sparked a lot of controversy, which means white students had the opportunity to pretend to be experts on confederate history, and black students had the opportunity to quote Kanye West.

It continues to be a typical “hate vs. heritage” debate. The problem arises when you hear the word “heritage” come out of the mouth of a white person who uses the n-word in the same breath. Then, you hear the word “racism” come out of the mouths of black people who, also in the same breath, will allude to Black Panther ideals. The administration's verdict: The flag continues to fly. After all, “Amurka” is about free speech—and as the chancellor realizes, the customer is always right.

Additionally, we pride ourselves in being a major party school, but as the years go by and the admission requirements increase, LSU drops lower on the list. “The Harvard of the south” is what administration wants us to be. A 3.5 GPA requirement will just send more students to the “other” university. Then, maybe I can start waking up later.

Raising admission requirements to Harvard’s standards will simply give qualified students a choice between Harvard and LSU. Maybe, after all is said and done, LSU will start printing coupons.
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Senior Member
haha, they'd never have the balls to publish that. I write for the paper and they still wouldn't let me put it in.


Senior Member
Small world. Well...not THAT small I guess. I live in Alexandria, La. I'm only about 1.75 hours from Baton Rouge.

I liked it, too. I can feel the mood you were in when you wrote it. Funny how most cynics are also intelligent, don't you think?

At least the Tigers are awesome.