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Alana - poems for April 2021 (1 Viewer)

alana

Senior Member
5.
Cardiac box
full of memories and dust
A plastic bag stuffed with rope,
a blue milk crate full of records.

I was looking for you everywhere–
under Christmas trees and between shoulder blades
at the tumble-turn of pool’s end
in a pair of eyebrows that looked like mine

Chased down this box
suddenly here in my unsteady hands, unknowable–
the rope, the records, the birthday cards
Like leftover scrabble pieces with no vowels
 

alana

Senior Member
Alana, what a beautiful poem. So full of emotion. That last line is great by the way, in all its imagery. It carries the entire poem.


Thanks, Darren. I was trying to put into words that feeling of losing someone and realising there's a whole world gone with them that now you'll never fully know. I'm glad the meaning carried through. :)
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
I agree with Darren, this poem is heartbreaking to me, after losing my mom, I searched for scraps of her, reread her cards, looked at old photos, thought I saw the back of her head in a crowd of strangers... You expressed the loss and the feeling of struggling through the loss... well done...
 

alana

Senior Member
I agree with Darren, this poem is heartbreaking to me, after losing my mom, I searched for scraps of her, reread her cards, looked at old photos, thought I saw the back of her head in a crowd of strangers... You expressed the loss and the feeling of struggling through the loss... well done...

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my father last October and I feel just the same... it's such a strange, bottomless feeling. <3
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
6. Pieces


There are pieces, everywhere:

Pieces shattered
edges jagged

Pieces lost
shadows lingering

New pieces
harshly lit

and tiny niggling pieces
that worry like a pebble in a shoe.


Love this....

"Pieces lost
shadows lingering".....

My favorite line... when we lose someone, we lose a piece of our self... but the pain lingers... I was wondering, would "linger" work better than "lingering".... maybe... ;)
 

alana

Senior Member
Love this....

"Pieces lost
shadows lingering".....

My favorite line... when we lose someone, we lose a piece of our self... but the pain lingers... I was wondering, would "linger" work better than "lingering".... maybe... ;)


Yes I think you're right! 'linger' works much better there. I always oscillate between the continuous and the simple and usually come down on the side of the simple as well. Thank you!!
 

alana

Senior Member
7. The Midnight Race

Swathed in shadows, clad in liquid courage–
..........................................we line up our steeds for the midnight race.
..........A chatter, a whooooop-deeee-hooooo, and then they’re off!
..............................High hopes to not disappear without a trace

Teetered wobbles, mud-stained knees and elbows–
..........................................our stallions start to swerve, creak and wriggle
..........Hi ho up ahead! Shouts rain down, portcullis sighted
..............................We rein in, taking stock, as in rush the giggles

Seven of nine, the odds are kind tonight–
..........................................though in the puddle they’d surely dissent
..........The trudging two, limping leftovers, grumble-grumble
..............................Latest casualties of the Chocolate Road lament
 

alana

Senior Member
9. Winter

The final harvest nears
and I am out collecting seeds.
The seeds of native flowers and ancient trees,
the seeds of my mother and her mother before.
Gifts given, but not received–
offerings abandoned.

Jack’s words, not mine,
dug deep into soul compost:
“I have nothing to offer except my own confusion.”
Can you imagine? My imagined inner garden, grey–
built on this slum detritus,
a waiting wasteland.

But as the sun wanes,
water ebbs towards earth.
The veil is thin now–and my collection is growing.
Little sparks lingering in hands lined like my mother’s–
anticipating light’s return,
and spiralling anew.
 
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Darren White

co-owner and admin
Staff member
Co-Owner
I like how you shaped your poem, two short lines, two long, two short in each stanza.
It's a beautiful poem, not only hinting at winter in nature, but also at growing old.
 

alana

Senior Member
I like how you shaped your poem, two short lines, two long, two short in each stanza.
It's a beautiful poem, not only hinting at winter in nature, but also at growing old.

Thanks Darren. I took a poetry class with a wonderful teacher earlier this year who really emphasised the importance of the shape of a poem - line length, font, use of punctuation and symbols, etc - as much as the words themselves. I love the challenge and structure of those aesthetics - sometimes makes the words harder, sometimes easier!
 

alana

Senior Member
10.

Grocery store receipts
and golden strands of hair
lay wrapped up in my sheets
and bleached in hot sun’s glare

I wrap myself in words
and feathers blushing red
a derelict songbird
hanging on by a thread
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
I adore the way you use imagery in your poetry. Many of your poems are beautiful and delicate puzzles to be lingered over and I find myself coming back to read them again and again.
 

alana

Senior Member
I adore the way you use imagery in your poetry. Many of your poems are beautiful and delicate puzzles to be lingered over and I find myself coming back to read them again and again.


Thanks Jen, this is a really lovely compliment. It's nice to know that the time spent agonising over the way my words fit together (like all of us here I'm sure!) is not in vain ;)
 

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