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After Sunset at the Beach (1 Viewer)

Cris V

Senior Member
Stretched taut in places with diagonal
strips of orange and purple, the red of a rage
filled evening and loose tendrils cutting
away to stretch closer to Earth, to heaven.

They say the hour after sunset is the
best for light and colors, as if wild horses
stomped each drop of color from the sun, a gallop,
a stampede, an assault on the eyes in
the moments before sky becomes one with water.
 

Cris V

Senior Member
A little background on this one. It's written in the Golden Shovel form, which is:
  • take a line or lines from a poem you admire
  • use each word in the line as an end word in your poem
  • keep the end words in order
  • give credit to poet and poem

I used two lines from Pablo Neruda's “Horseman in Rain”.
 
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PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner
Cris, post-sunset is my favourite time of day. The colours bring peace ...and a sense of closure to the day. Your poem captures the mood perfectly.
@Pamelyn Casto I believe you also wrote a Golden Shovel poem
 

Pamelyn Casto

WF Veterans
Yes, PiP, I've written golden shovels and love working with them. Chris V, I like what you've done here. A question for you: how do you credit the other poet? The way I do it, and the way I've always seen it done, is my poem will have a title and beneath the title I would include a parenthetical statement: "After Pablo Neruda." I find writing golden shovels quite rewarding, especially during times of writer's block. There's nothing like the inspiration we can get from a talented poet.
 

Cris V

Senior Member
Thank you, PiP. It's one of my favorite times as well.

Pamela, this is the first one I've written so wasn't sure how to credit the source poet/poem only that I needed to do so. I like the way you do it. Would you include the source poem's title as well?
 

Pamelyn Casto

WF Veterans
Chris V, no I wouldn't include the source poem's title. Because the lines from the source poem will be shown down the right side of the new poem. Terrance Hayes, the inventor of the form, shows his with the "after" info I mentioned above. See his outstanding golden shovels at https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/55678/the-golden-shovel With that little bit, an editor would be able to quick check the mentioned poem. By using (After Pablo Neruda) under your title, an editor would likely know what you're doing. You've clearly acknowledged your source. (And editors have seen "after" for other uses so most would likely be familiar with your usage.) That parenthetical keeps it all nice and clean and clear.
 
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