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Adultery; (2 Viewers)

Blade

Creative Area Specialist (Fiction)
WF Veterans
An odd term actually.:distrust: It is supposed to be a crime yet it starts with the word 'adult'. A mixed message word IMHO.:-k
 

Blade

Creative Area Specialist (Fiction)
WF Veterans
I enjoy judging others myself.:encouragement: What is the point of having standards if you can't apply them? Besides if you assess someone as 'unworthy' and get rid of them it reduces the amount of time when your life will be a bitch.:cheerful:
 

Blade

Creative Area Specialist (Fiction)
WF Veterans
I just used the term 'crime' for lack of a better word though in many jurisdictions it certainly is as well as being a justification in petition for divorce.

in any case if you judge an adulterer as 'bad news' and shun them it is bound to enhance the quality of your own life.:encouragement:
 

Plasticweld

Senior Member
It's so easy to judge others Blade but life happens and it's a bitch sometimes.


I completely disagree with this statement. First we judge people all the time. We are only what our values are, while we may not always agree exactly what those values are we will normally only associate with those who have similar values. If you look at the forum membership and who hangs out where and who is buddies with who, it is self evident. While it is possible to respect someone with opposing values and priorities it is impossible to be best buds with someone you think is a dirt bag who can't be trusted. All of that process is a form of judging we all do it everyday, this is why the site has a number of banned members, I can think of no instance in which that process happened that it was not a long and difficult process. I can not think of a single time that I read someone's words here and just wrote them off never to respond to any of their posts anymore. I would not call that process easy.

Life does not just happen. Maybe this is just my perspective but everyday I make choices that represent who I am and what I value. Each new day gives me a chance to be whoever I want to be. It is not random, it is not by mistake.

Each new day is no different than the quick reply box at the bottom of each post. You can leave it blank, or you can put in a response. The response represents who you are and what you think, each time you do that you are opening yourself up to rejection or criticism, or the chance to make a new friend or gain the respect of the others here.


If life just happens then you could theoretically just hit random keys on the key board and it would represent your thoughts and who you were.

Dither pardon me disagreeing with you to this extent, your words which I take to heart caught me in this fashion...Bob
 
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BeastlyBeast

Senior Member
Adultery is always going to be around. It's been around since the first marriage - whether you believe that's Adam and Eve or homo sapiens 1 and homo sapiens 2 is irrelevant - What I am shocked by is how inconsequential and rather accepted it has become. 10, 20 years ago, if a person had committed adultery, it was huge. You were shunned by your family, it was in the press for weeks (if you were famous or a politician), and your life was really never the same afterwards. A lot of people felt hurt. Nowadays, it's considered a way to spice up your marriage. At best, it's considered sad but human; simply a common part of a midlife-crisis, destined to happen in longer-lasting marriages, especially if they aren't as romantic or eager as they were on the honeymoon. At worst, it's applauded. I swear, a director or someone involved with Orange is the New Black left her husband abruptly, in order to be with another woman, and the FB comments were nothing but praise... really!? I don't think it's scary that the issue exists. I think it's scary that in little more than a decade, a "serious, crushing marital issue" turned into an "applaud-able life choice that's just human or natural"...
 

dale

Senior Member
Bazz this may just be a cynical old guy talking but I have noticed that sometimes women just like snakes better no matter who is at home.

lol. and on the flip-side, i know some dudes that have a fine-looking, sweet, loyal woman at home; but for some insane reason just can't keep themselves from nailing the skank of the week when the opportunity presents itself.
 

Mistique

WF Veterans
I find the whole topic and especially judging about it complicated. When I was younger my world was simple and my judgement harsh. I didn't say it out loud, but I felt utter contempt for anyone cheating on their partner. In my head I was like the queen shouting 'off with the head' whenever I heard of someone cheating. I judges others and myself in the same way and I considered myself 'not the type' to cheat. That is untill I got married to a guy I loved, but I wasn't particuarly close with. He wasn't interested in my thoughts and feelings and I didn't mind as somehow I had developed the idea growing up that men and woman simply weren't capable of being close in that way. In my mind you fell in love with a guy, but you shared your thoughts and feelings with your best (girl) friend. Then I met Frank. He was a guy I could be close with the same way I could with a girl. He wanted to know my ever thought, he wanted to talk for hours - and we did - and he cared how I felt. It turned my world up side down, because I honestly didn't think it was possible for a girl and a guy to be close like that. I didn't have sex with him - so in that sense I didn't cheat - but I shared my every thought with him and I fell for him hard. I left my husband for him. I didn't know if things would work out between me and Frank, but I did know that I could never settle for a guy I had no connection with again. I judged myself the same way I did everybody else so for a very long time I hated myself for the choice I had made (to leave my husband for another guy). I still believed I wasn't 'the type' and so for me to have made that choice anyway I had to be a rotten human being. Now my judgement has mellowed. I chose not to cheat on my boyfriend, but I also know that sometimes you make choices in your life that go against what you believe to be right and wrong and so when I hear of someone else who did cheat I try my hardest not to judge and leave them to decide for themselves if this is a choice they can live with or not. Maybe I'm just babbling here, but that's my two cents :)
 

InstituteMan

WF Veterans
I suspect adultery is overrated, both in terms of its fun and in terms of its evilness. It's not that stuff doesn't happen, but you don't have to go looking for stuff, either.
 

Crowley K. Jarvis

WF Veterans
I'll agree with Plastic here.

Sure, random, unfortunate events happen to us all. Accidents and tragedy that we can't control. Of course. Random disease, or being the victim of a crime. Things like that happen, yes. But a large portion of our lives are defined by our actions. And what we're discussing is certainly a choice.

I will agree that spouses being away from each other and under stress can lead to it being easier to seek romantic or physical fulfillment in another person instead. Sometimes that 'stuff' does happen.

The point I'd like to make is this.

You chose to get married and make that promise. Breaking it is also a choice. Also, even without mentioning moral beliefs, the negative effects (and the drama) are pretty widespread and generally unpleasant.

I myself believe it's wrong, but I won't get in someone's face about it. I just don't believe in stupid decisions, in any aspect of life. ;)
 

Boofy

WF Veterans
Eh, I don't think that we as a species are really built for monogamy. We aren't built for a lot of things. We can choose to try because we are conscious beings but I don't think that people who cheat should be judged so harshly by their peers if they fail. I'm no stranger to the hurt that comes with having been cheated on but I choose not to allow it to reign over my life. Sex is just sex, after all. Making love outside of your marriage is the real crime. If you don't love your significant other, you love somebody else, you owe it to the person you made vows with to tell them the truth and leave or to try to make it work.

Personally, I don't see the point in adultery. Some people crave the honeymoon period of a new relationship or the thrill of chasing something they haven't got, or doing something they know they shouldn't, but in the end it all boils down to the same thing. Starting a relationship is easy. Staying in one is hard. We as a society seem to expect instant gratification. We have fast food and instant messaging... hell, you can get a divorce for £300 if you want to. So your marriage doesn't work for a day, a month, a year? The grass isn't greener on the other side. You're going to have these same marital issues with the hot blonde at Top Shop or that guy down the hall who smiles when you collect your mail. What we all need is somebody to live with, for the rest of our lives. When you get married, it is for a reason. You'll forget that reason from time to time but it's your responsibility to find it again. That is what marriage is.

Essentially, I don't think that I am the type to commit adultery but I do understand that it's probably inevitable that many people will. I don't think it defines that person. Heh.

Ok, unglaze your eyes now folks, I'm done ;3
 

dither

Member
WF Veterans
Jeez, what a response, i'd almost forgotten this.

Some interesting posts there. I had no idea that it was such a big deal.
 

Schrody

WF Veterans
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JustRob

FoWF
WF Veterans
Adultery is a whole package of things and the comments posted here seem to wander between them. What are its fundamental components? I'll try to identify them. First there's sex with more than one partner, then failure to keep a person who trusts oneself adequately informed, then failure to maintain a valued relationship. I think the way that people react to adultery is how they react to its individual components, not to the package as a whole. Does every component have to be present for it to be adultery? If just one is present is that enough? I am sitting here in bed next to my angel typing this. To a certain extent she regards even this as detrimental to our relationship. Adultery is just one place in a very big field. In any relationship we may wander around in that field over time but what matters is the cumulative effect, not any specific incident. She'll forgive me as long as I don't type too much more. Maybe sometimes I don't tell her things because doing so would serve no useful purpose. I suspect that she does the same for me. The subject is just too complicated to be summarised. As for sex ...
 

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