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A Very Much Needed Journal Entry to Keep Me From Going Fucking Bonkers. (1 Viewer)

Swift84

Senior Member
The modest ambiguity of this title has more than likely confounded many of you. Allow me to elaborate.

I almost killed myself earlier this week. But not by attempting to use the traditional form of suicide. This unfortunate occurrence was more involuntary. I suppose some would argue that suicide could be involuntary because of all the factors that influence it. But the same people who say that will also vote for Democrats just to support Democrats. It's the political equivalent of being pussy-whipped, and the "intellectual" blathering about involuntary suicide is just cock talk. (Democrats may point out that there are many voters who vote for Republicans in the same manner. That is true, yet I feel Democrats are more easily offended, so there you go.)

Returning to the main topic at hand, my situation stemmed from a new television series that has received excited praise from both critics and normal audiences (critics are abnormal audiences, in case you didn't get the implication, twit). The title of this show is "Heroes," which explores a readily ignored concept, a concept that hasn't been tackled by hundreds of feeble writers: people with extraordinary powers. This show ignores the conventional superhuman angle, in that the characters of this story are not costumed superheroes but rather regular "Heroes" who dress normally, or as normally as can be expected in this fucked up American consumer culture.

The revolutionary part of this show is how these normal people deal with their extraordinary powers in normal ways. "Holy shit," you might say, "I might have to stop eating bagels and disgusting, tasteless TCBY ice cream to catch this show." Well, people like you should keep eating your shitty food. (People who eat bagels and tasteless TCBY ice cream may point out that people who eat nothing but hamburgers and hot dogs are actually eating shitty food. But those who eat bagels and TCBY are more sensitive about their eating habits. So there you have it.)

So the question is, how would normal people react to great powers? How would they use these powers? To give an example, one character has the ability to walk through walls, an extremely original concept that wasn't allocated to a brunette female teenager in The Uncanny X-Men who had the nickname "Shadowcat." So I jest. The power has been explored before. But the innovative part is that this time the character is male instead of female. In one episode, this character walks through a wall to talk to someone. He speaks with this person for a while. Then he walks through the wall again. But you know what made his exit so fucking cool? So goddamn heroic? He walks backward through the wall. That's the kind of genius writing you have to be ready for when you watch this show.

Or how about the character who can see into the future? He usually gets scared of what he sees and wets the bed later on at his parents' house. I would call this character "deftly written by the show's talented scripters."

I haven't mentioned one of the show's most infamous and admired characters, though. His name is ... well, it's something trendy-sounding. Something like Skyler or Larkman. No matter. This character is a serial killer, and once he kills someone, he absorbs his/her powers and is able to use them in the future (as opposed to seeing into the future, gotcha!). In other words, let's say there's a character named Matthew, and he has the power of super speed. Let's also remember that Matthew is a normal fellow, so he mainly uses his power to wash dishes at home and in restaurants with quick ease. Well, Skyler finds this person, kills him, and absorbs his power. Here's the trick: since Larkman is evil, he uses super speed in a different, more sinister way (i.e., he doesn't care if the dishes are washed). That's what makes this show so great. Real power react to real powers in real ways according to their different personalities and histories.

So you have all these characters with their distinct abilities. Wouldn't you just expect the show to have these people utilize their powers in battle? Yes, but the writers throw another screw ball our way. I watched the episode that precedes the season finale (next-to-the-last episode, as some laymen would call it), and was pleased to find many fights involving guns. Although this could allude to a myriad of shows, I believe this particular episode was referencing Walker Texas Ranger. I have written a forty-page essay to explain this argument, so don't mind asking for it.

Admittedly, this journal entry does not address my near death. I used that ploy to coax all of you to read about the greatest show on television today, yesterday, and tomorrow. Until a few bold writers decide to pen a story involving spies falling in love, this series will remain on top in a dominating missionary position, spreading your legs as far apart as possible while jabbing your hole relentlessly like it's desperately trying to sharpen a pencil, afterward spewing paint thinner all over your bare stomach. You sniff the paint thinner and get high, then you murder your parents and gain the power of responsibility. But it's too late. You've just been irresponsible, and now you're going to jail. You're a real person with real problems. The end.
 
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