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A Short Dialogue. (1 Viewer)

neft

Member
Friends Talking

k: All State Choir.
S: Tell me about it.
k: Try outs.
k: I was the underdog.
k: Nervous
k: But confident.
k: I make first chair.
k: I'm like "yeah".
k: Hearings.
k: I meet these two dudes from cab cal.
k: They were kinda cool.
k: Hearing is easy.
k: The real deal starts thursday.
k: I go.
k: And I just stand there
k: All weekend.
k: The entire time we are in the social scene I just stand there.
k: I'm a ghost.
k: Noone talks to me and there arent any opportunities to talk to them.
k: I'm the only one from Delmarva Christian.
k: We sing.
k: I haven't sung that poorly in a while.
k: I had no confidence in myself.
s: Emo shit.
k: *ignoring* Sit next to Indian dude.
k: Looks like one of the dudes on the sunglass ads.
k: At the beach, in black and white
k: With the insignificant but hot chick.
k: Next to him is Joe.
k: Joe and India talk about everything in the choir.
k: I feel them talking about me.
k: But don't hear it.
k: I just feel it.
k: They don't know I'm first chair.
k: we go to the gym for break.
k: Two stoners meet up.
s: At all state chorus. *laughs*.
k: And the two discuss obscure illegal drugs they and their friends smoke.
k: We go back to sing.
k: I stand alone.
k: It's a microcosm.
s: A microcosm of what?
k: Youth society.
k: The people are chill, but always rethinking stuff.
k: Always on their toes.
k: Always thinking what the next guy will do.
k: I see beautiful girls.
s: Beautiful
s: Not hot?
s: But beautiful.
k: Some beautiful.
k: More hot.
k: But a few...are beautiful.
k: They all look at each other.
k: I talk to one
k: She talks to me rather
k: Her name is kelly
k: She is gorgeous
s: Kelly.
k: A singer.
k: An actress.
s: Hair color?
k: Blonde.
s: Okay.
k: Lips like Fallon. Maybe bigger.
s: Mmm.
k: Says her family is Catholic.
k: But she's Buddhist.
s: *laughing*
k: Wearing a long green shirt and tan boots.
k: with medallion belt
k: cute attempt at legend of zelda
k: She sees I'm not interesting and goes back to the other people.
k: Friday was a carbon copy.
k: It was like dying.
k: But...
k: The director was amazing.
k: Really could work the choir.
k: Saturday we had the concert.
s: A buddhist...*laughs*
s: Go on.
k: My parents came.
k: they left right after the show
k: Lauren Henry left a note on my windshield wiper.
k: "good job"
k: I went to Arby's and bought a sandwhich.
k: And then sat there at the window and ate it.
*short silence*
k: Today I masturbated twice.
k: I don't know what to make of life .
k: It's not emo.
s: No...
s: It isn't.
s: It's...
s: Profound
k: *questioning glance*
s: But why?
k: Why what?
s: The reverie. Why now? Why all-state choir? Our school. It's like that every day.
k: What do you want me to do?
s: *shrug*
k: I talked to Rachel.
k: Thursday and Friday nights
k: To catch up.
k: but we talked for like an hour and half each time
k: She...
s: yeah?
k: is a very nice girl
s: yeah
s: I guess thats what we want.
s: A nice girl.
k: Yes. I want to get a nice girl and just be happy. That's what I wanna do.
s: I don't really want to be happy, if that's all there is. You know?
k: No, I don't.
s: Me neither.
k: I guess we're on the same page then.
 
Is this for a play? Because judging by the way you've layed it out it seems like it. And why have you started a new line when there isn't a new character speaking?

Welcome to the forums by the way.
 

Kimba

Senior Member
What is the dialogue about? The "k" and "s" is very distracting because we don't even know who they are. It's very disjointed. You need to tighten it more. A lot more ...
 
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