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When someone is your best friend, shyness would not come into it. Politeness perhaps, but not shyness.being shy, does not express these insights
I expected this. I pretty much quoted in my head your response before you posted it.
As I had explained before my tab key messed up, this is a different type of story, more like an emotional representation of life.
Also, it is shyness, his worldly trip redifined his emotional perceptions.
I do appreciate that you posted though.
You're a great writer, but I fear you are making too many observations of the general chit-chat and ongoing of every day teenagers. There is very little that brings the reader's attention to Will, and as soon as it goes to him it switches back to the, to be honest, unneeded conversations of his peers. An example :
Will was deep in thought when Persephone caught his attention.
"Will, do you know what the date is?" she asked.
"I am not sure," he replied.
"I think it is the eighteenth, but I am not sure either," she remarked.
Larry then joined them, holding his necklace.
"That is a nice necklace, is it new?" Persephone commented.
So the moment the necklace is mentioned, that's it. Will once again disappears, and once again it is for useless chit-chat. If this guy is your main character, you need to show it. I apologise, but as it is now, there is simply too many characters, and too much needless dialogue from them, to give me an attachment to anyone. I think it may be an idea to try this out from the first-person perspective of Will, it would allow him to be involved throughout the story without him having much dialogue, while also providing a more personal outlook on his world.
Why are you using the tab key at all? Line spacing between paragraphs is best for a text editor, and that is essentially what you are using here. When you want to start a new paragraph, hit return twice, like this:
You can treat each bit of dialogue as a paragraph:
'You are a dirty rotten skunk', she said.
'And you, Joycelin, are nothing but a two-bit southside hustler looking for an easy buck so you can buy yourself a little bit of smoke.'
You can try formatting in Word, then copy and paste. That works fine for some people, and if it works for you it will allow you to use indents instead of line spaces. But even so do not use the tab key. Go to edit, select all, then format, paragraph, set all indents to zero except special which should be set to first line, and set line spacing to single. That way every time you hit return, the next line will be indented.
I don't think I've used a tab key to indent since I quit using typewriters 30 years ago. The tab key is useful for other things, but not for indenting.