Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

a play script part 1 (1 Viewer)

penfeind

Senior Member
what do you think

The stage is relatively bare there is a desk and two chairs the first chair is with the desk and placed downstage to one side on the desk is poison in a bottle like that used to contain iodine also there is a light that focuses on the poison a reading lamp or something also there I a large pack of biscuit. The other chair is centre stage tied to it is the prisoner. There is a long pause. The torturer comes on stage. There is another long pause

Torturer: fiercely kisses the prisoner That’s what you wanted wasn’t it, that night at the bar.

Prisoner: terrified No.

Torturer: Do not lie to me child, I see through all lies.

Prisoner: Fine then – Yes. Whatever you want to hear.

Torturer: Say it. (shouts)

Prisoner: I wanted you.

Torturer pause Wanted, me why?

Prisoner: I wanted you to pause hold.

Torturer: I may have my own sinful and wicked ways but I don’t appreciate the attentions of your kind. You kneel in the light and play but when the light goes away, behind the trees you don your mask and play the whore.

Prisoner: Why...

Torturer: You want to know why you’re here.

Prisoner: Yes.

Torturer: I see this place as a correctional institute. You may have read of this, I apologize for the Lack of innovation. five bright lights on the audience How many lights are there?

Prisoner: I see five lights.

Torturer: Good. I see four lights; I want you to see four lights. How many lights do you see?

Prisoner: I see five lights,

Torturer: I see why you might think that, try to see four for me.

Prisoner: I see five lights.

Torturer: fiercely kisses the prisoner and then whispers in his ear I’m going to make you fear that. The torturer draws a knife and Draws it underneath the prisoners nose in the inquisition prisoners often repented before a drop of blood was spilled. Do you know why? The Presenting Of the Instruments. This was a drawn out process by which the inquisitor would show the prisoner his tools. How many lights do you see?


Prisoner: I see four lights.

Torturer: fiercely kisses the prisoner then with the tip of her knife ever so delicately cuts a line across His face I see through all lies. A friendly warning that is the least blood I will draw for a lie. Maybe you don’t know how to see four lights? Or maybe you don’t want to, I don’t know.

Prisoner: Please, I want to see four, just don’t cut me again.

Torturer: Shhhh baby. I'm trying to help you to see it. The torturer goes to her desk and picks up a hand mirror. I want to know what you see she holds the mirror up to the prisoner What do you see?

Prisoner: I don't understand, what do you want me to say?

Torturer: fiercely kisses the prisoner in-between the kissing the torturer says I want you to look into the mirror, take a hard look at your self, and as poetically as you please describe what you see.

Prisoner: I see a young man
With terror in his blue eyes
Knife cut on his face

Torturer: You see what you choose to see. What is in the mirror is your self image. I want you to shatter it. The prisoner throws the mirror to the floor Good. I love the symbolism, you know. Do you want to know what you have bought for your seven years of bad luck? You have destroyed your self image and when your self image is gone it’s easier to see the truth.

Prisoner: I don't understand


Torturer: slaps the prisoner across the face. You are nothing. You will not speak until spoken to kisses the prisoner on the lips tenderly this time but the prisoner still pulls away. Suddenly childish. Let me tell you a story When we met. The first time you caught my eye, like a cockerel all your feathers askew. You had hit the devil drink hard. I was mesmerised by you, your perfect masculinity. I considered taking you home for our mutual pleasure. I saw your manoeuvres towards others of my sex. And I saw you wearing something akin to the vestments of my old life. I felt, still feel, the need to cure you. I slipped a little something into your drink. You didn’t know what was happening. I took you by the arm and took you home. I seduced you into my bed and we took our pleasure. Then tenderly I tied you to a chair and waited for you to awake. That is your story. This is mine.
 
Last edited:

penfeind

Senior Member
deleated due to extreme length no one would have red the whole thing look out for parts two and three
 
Last edited:

Wyndstar

Senior Member
I don't know much about scripts and play formats, but as a story, this is a rather interesting piece. The reversal of power here is very strong, recognisable. It conveys a dark erotism well. Some parts are a bit confusing, example:

Prisoner: I wanted you to pause hold.

You had pause in italics--did this mean it was an action? Regardless, the line is awkward even without it. Was it 'I wanted to (pause) hold you.' perhaps? I think action is supposed to be in parethesis--makes it easier to distinguish from dialog.

I'd like a clearer explaination from the torturer of what exactly she is trying to cure her prisoner of. His need for alcohol? Sex? Using women? Not being as religious as her? And I could stand for it to be longer. I'd expect her prisoner to ask questions, be a bit more demanding about understanding his situation (this would be realistic, rather than he being cowed immediatly upon waking up), until her realizes she's serious about hurting him. Aside that, I really liked this. Thank you for posting it.
 

kanglives

Member
As a film editor not a play guy I can only comment as if this was a film. I think the dialogue needs work and th structure a little more work as mentioned above by Wyndstar.

With some work it could be a good piece.
 
Top