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A Night Before the Exam Day... (First attempt at teenage poetry) (1 Viewer)

Gaurav

Senior Member
A Night Before the Exam Day...

12:00 AM: Book

Dozen chapters in a single night,
Can the hero complete this mission?
He looks armed with courage and conviction.
I hope he romances me all night!

***

2:00 AM: Coffee

His eyelids want to kiss each other,
But I am standing in their way.
Don’t you dare to sleep, O warrior!
The battle has not even started yet!

***

4:00 AM: Facebook

I am laughing at you, dear coffee.
You think staying awake is enough?
Hardly three chapters has he covered yet,
I have already started eating his night.

***

5:30 AM: Alarm Clock

I am crying my heart out.
Wake up, O dear Warrior!
It’s hardly few hours before the exam.
Please don’t snooze me off again!

***

6:30 AM: Highlighter

When things go wrong, I am here.
Why fear, when you can highlight everywhere!
The entire book is now yellow and green.
He’s senselessly underlining even the copyright info.

***

7:58 AM: Hero- to his Book

Two minutes left for the three-hour battle.
Wish we had spent more time with each other.
My watered down romance with you for sure,
Will prove to be the Waterloo of my life today!

***

10:59 AM: Answer Sheet

Last second scribbling drives me nuts.
I know you're righting some insane fluff!
I thought you’d be the hero of this test.
But in reality, you were the sidekick’s friend!

***

12:00 PM: Mattress

Tired, bruised, scarred he arrives back home,
The three-hour battle sucked his energy up.
Don’t you worry, O Hero, I am there for you now!
Doze off for hours, there’s no one bothering now!
 
Last edited:

ned

Senior Member
hello - an interesting concept here - but let down by the the rather naive humour
and not helped by the loose writing.

there is scope here for humour, plenty of material, it's just not expressed that well (it's all in the telling)

I am crying my heart out.
Wake up, O dear Warrior!
It’s hardly few hours before the exam.
Please don’t snooze me off again!

this is a nice moment - but undermined by the bad grammar - take more care in the editing.

Two minutes left OF the three-hour battle.
Wish we had spent more time TOGETHER.
My ALL TOO BRIEF romance with you,
MAY prove to be THIS WARRIOR'S Waterloo!

simplify things by hitting on the simple truths of the situation - look for references that tie-in - and save the gag for the end.

the title is clumsy - The Night Before The Exam - suffices
and stating that this is teenage poetry (an oxymoron?) is probably putting readers off!

as said, plenty of material to work with - but more care on the writing and better comic timing is required, I feel.
Ned


 
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