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Thread: Secret Journal

  1. #1
    Member The girl left behind...'s Avatar
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    Secret Journal

    Please excuse the typos' and spelling errors..... I'm kinda in a hurry...






    (Stage lights open on sceen where Isaella is being yelled at quite forcefully. She just tripped over something, spilling a plate on a customer)

    Boss: This is the third time i've had trouble with you this week!!

    Isabella: I'm so sorry!! It will never happen again! Honest!

    Boss: Damn right it won't. Get out, now. Your last paycheck will be sent in the mail.

    Isa: Oh God!! Please no!! I need this job!! Please!!!!

    Boss: (hand outstretched for her apron) Just leave...



    BLACK OUT

    (Isabella enters on to a living room scene)

    Dillan: Hey. You are over here early. Did you get off work??

    Isa: (drops bag on a side table and sinks into a chair) Sorta.

    Dillan: Sorta? What do you mean "sorta"?

    Isa: Um, I was let go today......

    Dillan: (sharply) What?

    Isa: Um, i was fired today, Dillan. (figets nervously)

    Dillan: (Jumps up, pulls Isabella up roughly by the arm) And what did you screw up this time??? (Isabella Stares at him in fear, he shakes her back and forth) I asked what you did, Isabella!!!

    Isa: It was an accident!!!

    Dillan: (Shoves her back down on the couch) After all the strings i pulled to get you that job! You are so unbelievably useless!! Can't you do anything right? Now how do you expect to pay for our own place when we graduate?? My God!!! (Stalks off with his back to her)

    Isa: (beat) (Walks cautiously up behind him) Baby? I'm so sorry... I'll find another job, don't worry.... Ok? Don't be angry... I'm soo sorry (Embraces him)

    Dillan: (swings his arm back and catches her in the face.) Don't touch me Isabella!! (Isabella falls to the ground, her hand to her face)

    Isa: Dillan...

    Dillan: You know what? Just get out! Just leave.. I can't stand the sight of you.... you're just pathetic. (Isabella stays motionless on the floor) I said Get OUT!! (Pulls her up and shoves her towards the stage right)

    Isa: (Grabs her bag and runs off stage)

    BLACK OUT


    (stage lights open on a different dorm scene. Isa snaps her journal shut as Cameron walks in)

    Cameron: You are always writing in that silly journal...

    Isa: Hello Cammy...

    Cameron: What do you write about? (said somewhat snidely)

    Isa: Normally about my day....

    Cam: (sitting down on the couch next to her) So what happened in the life of Isabella today?

    (Isabella smiles, and opens to today's entry. She hands the book to Cam who then starts to read)

    FADE OUT

    (opens on restraunt scene, Isa is being yelled at)

    Boss: This is the third time i've had trouble with you this week!!

    Isa: I'm so sorry!! It won't happen again!! Honest!!

    Boss: Damn strai--!! (Is cut off by Noah)

    Noah: Miss? I forgot to tip you. (Hands Isa a twenty)

    Isa/boss: A twenty?

    Noah: Are you her boss? (boss nods) You are luck to have such good help. I love the food here, but the service sucks, so i don't normally come here. But ever since you hired her, i've been coming every other day!! or at least it seems that way, Hahaha. All my friends are coming here more now, too.. Did i mention that most of my friends are on the football team? (Keeps rambling on and on about how great she is... going slightly over board)

    Boss: Uh, thanks.. we are very proud of her as well....

    Noah: well i have to go.. But i'll be seeing you soon. (winks at Isa and leaves)

    Boss: Hurry and finish your shift.

    BLACK OUT

    (Blank stage. Isa comes off stage left to find Noah waiting for her)

    Isa: You have been waiting?

    Noah: Of course. (smiling)

    Isa: Thanks for getting me out of that Noah.

    Noah: No problem. Uh, i want my twenty back. (laughing, he holds out his hand)

    Isa: (pulls it out of her pocket)

    Noah: Great. Now i have enough money to buy you dinner. (grabs Isa's hand and leads her off stage) What do you feel like? I personally feel like Taco Bell.

    Isa: (from offstage) You always feel like Taco Bell!!

    BLACK OUT

    (opens back at her dorm, Cam hands her back the journal)

    Cam: who is this Noah guy?

    Isa: Just a friend.

    Cam: You have a boyfriend Isabella.

    Isa: I'm aware.

    Cam: Are you? I wouldn't mess up what you have for just anybody.

    Isa: Like i said, He is just a friend, Cammy.

    Cam: Doesn't seem that way. He's in almost all of your other journal entries.

    Isa: Have you been reading my journal? I never said you could. How--?

    Cam: (stands up stretching and yawning) I'm going to bed. We have to be up early for that thing or whatever.... (exits stage left)

    Isa: Cameron!!!

    Cam: Night!!

    FADE OUT


    (opens up on Dillan and Cameron. They are mumbling ot each other in overly friendly tones. They are holding hands, lean in for a kiss-- but interupted by)

    Isa: Dillan!! (Cam and Dillan break apart as Isa enters)

    Dillan: Hey babe.

    Cam: (annoyed) Hello.

    Isa: Where is everybody?? (looks around blank stage)

    Dillan: I think the trip is for tomorrow...

    Isa: Oh...

    Cam: Dillan, I need a ride to the mall to get some, uh, stuff.... can i catch a ride?? (smiles coyly)

    Dillan: (smiling) sure thing.

    Isa: Oh good. I've been needing to got to the mall for a while now...

    Dillan: (looking at Cameron) You have something else you need to take care of Isabella..

    Isa: what?

    Dillan: Getting a job for one. Then don't you have that big exam to study for. (still looking at Cam)

    Isa: I guess, but--

    Dillan: (Finally looks at her) Look, you go on and do what you need to do, adn i'll take your friend to the mall to get her stuff. We will be back. (he kisses her forehead)

    Isa: but--

    Dillan: Lets go. (Cam and Dillan exit stage left)

    Isa: Hey, um--


    BLACK OUT

    (Opens to isa's dorm room, she is writing in her journal, cameron enters with no bags)

    Isa: (without looking up) Hey Cameron. Let me se what you bought... Did you happen to get any cute tops i could borrow?

    Cam: Oh... Uh, i didn't get anything...

    Isa: (turning to look at her) You were at the mall all day!! You can't say you didn't get at least one thing!! I know you to well for that....

    Cam: Um, i didn't see anything... Well, uh, what have you been doing all day? Dillan said something about a job? I thought Noah saved you? Did you get fired anyways? God, that is so like you! So where are you working now? A strip club?? (laughs at her own joke)

    Isa: I never went out to look...

    Cam: (sits down in an easy chair) So how did the studying go then?

    Isa: I didn't study either...

    Cam: Well what were you doing all day?? Where you writing in this stupid thing? (Pulls the journal out of Isabella's hands and begins to flip through it)

    Isa: Give it back!!

    (struggle over the book, but Isa gets pushed down and cam continues to look through the book)

    Cam: (Reading) "I spent the day with Noah again" (Looks at Isa) You what??!! (Continues to read aloud) "I can't ever remember being happier" What??!! (flips to the first page of the journal) "I met someone named Noah today." This was written two and a half years ago!!! Look at the date!!! Have you been cheating on Dillan for that long??

    Isa: Cameron, No!!

    Cam: You slut.

    Isa: No, Cammy!! Its not what you think!! (she grabs on Cam's pant leg)

    Cameron: I'm sorry Isabella. But i have to tell him... Ugh, let go of me!!! Get off!! (Kicks isabella off)

    Isa: Cameron!!

    (Cameron exits stage right, taking the journal with her)


    BLACK OUT


    (lights up with isa on the couch, her head in her hands, Dillan and Cam enter. Dillan is yelling up a storm)

    Dillan: ISABELLA

    (Isabella jumps up and moves away from them. Dillan follows and hits Isabella. She falls to the ground. Dillan pulls her up and shakes her back and forth)

    Dillan: What is this?? (He shakes the journal at isa) who is this guy??

    Isa: He's nobody!! I swear!!

    Dillan: He must be somebody!!! All this is about him!!! (Flips the book in her face) I don't see anything about me in this!!!

    Isa: Please!! Give it back! (reaches for the journal)

    Dillan: (stares at isa) I should have listened to you Cammy.... Shoulda dumped this sorry girl years ago...

    Isa: Wha--? But Cameron??

    Cam: Please!! You think i was really looking out for you because I wanted you guys to stay together? I just knew if i stole your man you wouldn't pay 80% of the rent anymore.

    Isa: But i thought...

    Cam: What??? That we were friends?? Thats great!!! (Dillan and Cammy laugh) Dillan, sweetie, the only thing she really cares about is that journal.... That just happens to be in your hands....

    Isa: No!!!!

    Dillan: True...

    Isa: Please!! Just give it back to me!!!

    Dillan: (Starts tearing up the journal) This will teach you, you-- (Isabella leaps up and lunges after the book, only to be pushed down to the ground again.)

    Isa: Stop!! Noah!! Oh God!!!

    Dillan: So there was a Noah!!! (Throws whats left of the book at her)

    (Isabella grabs all the papers to her chest and starts rocking back and forth, crying)

    Isa: Noah, I'm sorry, so sorry... Noah...

    Dillan: You-- (Raises hand to hit her again, but his hand is caught by Cameron)

    Cam: Wait, what is she saying???

    Isa: Noah, I'm sorry... so sorry...

    Cam: (laughing) Oh that's just sad..

    Dillan: What?

    Cam: The journal is Noah... He's not real.. She made him up... God, Dillan, your girlfriend is a freak...

    Dillan: She's not my girlfriend.... not anymore...

    (they both exit, leaving isa crying)

    FADE OUT

    (spotlight opens up to Isabella still crying... still holding the pages to her)

    (Noah enters from stage left, he kneels by her, lightly touching her shoulder)

    Isa: (Surprised) Oh!!..... Noah.... They tore it... (showing him the pages)

    Noah: (Pulls her hand to his heart) No they didn't.......



    FADE OUT
    "When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens "Why God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off." -- Stephen King

  2. #2
    Overall, I liked it. I only noticed one typo, for the record. One thing that threw me off for a minute is that initally I thought Cameron was a guy (imagine my surprise when Cameron and Dillian almost kissed!). I guess I don't know too many girls named Cameron. It also took me a little while to piece together all the different relationships, but by the end I had it. It probably would be worthwhile to build in why Isa stayed with Dillian, as she had the money and she was the one being hit. It was one motivation that I felt missing. Her horrible living situation did help justify why she made "Noah", but I didn't see how she was trapped, why she wasn't the one to leave Dillian to find her own "Noah". Overall it could also be drawn out and embellished a little bit, it seemed like a lot of drama happened within a short amount of time, you could embellish some of the characters in between all the dramatic things. I'm surprised no one else has critiqued this, well, better late than never.

  3. #3
    Hi GLB,
    Tight scenario. I followed it easily. I can see the play in my head. Possibly more of a tv short.

    There are a few text bloopers, nothing to detract from the overall quality. I don't know if you intend on reworking this, but sometimes mining old stuff can pay dividends.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Bazz

  4. #4
    Banned
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    Not bad typo's are not too annoying, and your script flows. It would make a good short. I'd def. put some more work into it though. Very thoughtful. My philosophy on writing is to put yourself into your characters shoes. It's only real if you share their experience, then it transpires from talent of mediocrity to pure genius. I'm not sure I fully relate to some of the characters, however worry not, I like it. Ultimately it's your art so I want to encourage you, anything good worth doing (even if you are the most talented) [If there were such a thing] takes effort and work. Remember its only real if the audience can relate, peace, Jonius
    Last edited by jonius; March 12th, 2012 at 02:24 PM. Reason: spelling

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