Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Contacts

  1. #1


    Just so you know I do not know how to write scripts... However, here's an idea for a drama series called 'Contacts'... Tell me what you think...



    A J C

    Fade in:

    Danny enters the living room of an apartment, furnished only by a wooden chair, holding a large, heavy box. He shuffles forward and places the box in the centre of the room. Shane follows him in the door holding another box.


    You think youve enough stuff? That delivery company wont be able to deliver the rest till Saturday.

    Shane leaves the box down near the door.


    Yeah, as long as Ive a bed and a toilet Ill be fine.


    And the laptop of course

    Both grin.


    Yeah, broadband access really clinched the deal for me buying this place


    I thought as much. Right I best be off, if you need anything yknow, gimme a shout.


    Right, okay. Cheers Shane.


    No probs, will talk to you tomorrow.

    Shane leaves. Danny open the box he brought in and lifts out a laptop. He moves across the room and sits down on the wooden chair.

    Fade out:

    Fade in:

    Valery is sitting by the fireplace. She is drinking a glass of red wine while reading the newspaper. A car pulls up outside and the headlights shine into the room straight into Valerys eyes. She gets up and moves into the kitchen. The sound of the front door opening and closing can be heard. Valery reaches into the fridge and pulls out a plate covered in tinfoil. She takes the tinfoil of as Michael walks in.


    Hey hun.


    Hey *sigh* ugh, Im starving. Dinner ready?


    Yeah, just let me give a bit of a spin in the microwave. Its lasagne.

    Valery puts the plate in the microwave and turns round to Michael smiling.

    Michael puts his briefcase on the table and loosens his tie.


    Right, Im going for a shower. Have it on the table, when I get back.

    Valerys smile lowers as Michael walks out

    Fade out:

    Fade in:

    Tim is shown sitting on the bed, in a little girls bedroom, with his daughter on his lap reading a childrens book together.


    - and then the little girl noticed something lying in the middle of the grass. It was a rabbit.




    What, sweetie?


    Can I stay up late tonight and read some more with you?


    No, Beckie. Youve got a full day of school ahead tomorrow.

    Natalie peers her head in the door.


    Are you two having a midnight reading session or something?

    Tim glances up at the clock. Its half past nine.


    Oh, didnt realise it was that late


    Yes, and youre daughter has a full day of school ahead of her tomorrow.


    Yes. Now, time for bed.

    Tim closes the book. Rebecca shuffles off his lap onto the bed and climbs under the covers. Tim kisses her on the forehead and he switches of the light switch as he walks out of the room with Natalie.


    Were very lucky, do you know that?

    Natalie wraps her hands around Tim and kisses him.



    Natalie moves down the hall and Tim is left with a look of slight worry on his face.

    Fade out:

    Fade in:

    Elaine sits at a dressing table looking at herself in a mirror. She starts applying lipstick to her lips, but stops and then wipes it off. She wheels her wheelchair away from the dressing table and moves out of the room. She moves down the hall and into the living room where her mother is shown seated watching the television.


    You alright Ellie?


    Yeah am fine

    Elaine positions herself next to the chair that Jackie is sitting in.


    Finished your homework?


    Yeah, didnt have that much to do tonight.


    Did you get some study done?


    Half a hours worth.




    What are you watching?


    Crappy American talk show

    Elaine smiles.


    Your favourite.

    Jackie smiles also.


    Might go on the net for a while. Is that okay?


    Yeah, Ive all my phone calls made for tonight.

    Elaine wheels over to a desk in the corner of the room where a pc is situated. She turns it on.


    Elaine, everything is okay at school and everything is it?


    Yeah, its okay Just yknow exams and stuff Puttin me under a bit of pressure.


    Ah okay

    Elaine clicks onto her Internet explorer and types in the website of a very remote chat site called Chattle. She types in her username - Legs 11 and logs in. She notices that the only name in the contacts list is Val.

    Legs11: Hey, Val.

    Val: Hey, love hows you?

    Legs11: Not to bad yknow Just the usual boring stuff. Hows everything with you? Hows Michael, things going okay?

    Val is shown lingering over the keyboard before she responds.

    Val: Yeah, everythings fine. Just the just the usual marriage bliss P

    Legs11: Luck you.

    Val: What do you mean lucky me? Enjoy being young free and single when you have the chance.

    Legs11: Yeah, suppose.

    Val: Wonder how Dannys getting on in his new apartment?

    Legs11: That today?

    Val: Yeah

    TinyTim has entered the chatroom.

    TinyTim: Evening all

    Legs11: Timmy babes!

    Val: Lo Tim!

    TinyTim: Lo, you great pair of lovely ladies!

    Val: Hows things Tim, Rebeccas sleeping problem clearing up yet?

    TinyTim: Its getting better Though shes still eager to stay up late.

    Tim is shown typing in a dark room. The shine of the computer screen lights up his face. Rebecca opens the door to the room.



    Tim turns round.


    Something up sweetie?


    Cant sleep.


    K, gimme a sec.

    TinyTim: Gotta go ladies, father;y dutire

    Val: Right babe. Talk to you soon

    TinyTim has left.

    Legs11: So Tim seems to be getting on alright.

    Val: Yeah, Im glad hes happy

    Legs11: You and Michael never thought about having kids?

    Val: No, I didnt want to loose my fabulous figure P

    Elaine is shown smiling as she types.

    Val: And I dont think Michael is the fatherly type.

    Legs11: Ah, my Dad was like that

    Val: Really?

    Legs11: Yeah, thats probably why he ran off with another woman and left me and mum to live off benefits.

    Val: Men!

    DannyBoy enters the room.

    Legs11: Danny!!!

    Val: Hey Danny babes!

    DannyBoy: Hey girls, what are we talking about?

    Val: Men, and the useless creatures they are.

    DannyBoy: ooer, should I leave?

    Legs11: Heh, no Danny Stay and tell us about your fantabulous new apartment thing.

    DannyBoy: Fabulous? the only thing in the whole place is a wooden chair which Im sitting on at the min

    Val: They do say that simplicity is the trendy style of interior design

    DannyBoy: Yeah but this is simplicity to the max

    Elaine is shown typing as Jackie approaches her from behind.


    Who are you talking to?


    Just Danny and Val


    No Tim?


    Hes got kid trouble or something


    Any chance youll be coming offline soon? I should really ring Reba, her hair started to fall out at work today.


    Okay, Ill get off it now.

    Legs11: Am off now people

    Val: You off Ellie love?

    Legs11: Yeah, mum needs to use the phone AS USUAL!

    DannyBoy: lol, see you later Ellie Dont do too much studying or anything

    Legs11: Dont worry I wont P Toodleooo

    Legs11 leaves the room.

    Val: So when you starting work Danny?

    DannyBoy: Shane said that theyd want me Saturday night

    Val: Have you got all your bar techniques sussed out?

    DannyBoy: No!

    Val: Heh, oh well Youll get the hang of it in no time.

    DannyBoy: Furniture is coming Saturday aswell

    Val: Told you furniture never get delivered when you need it P

    DannyBoy: A sleeping bag should do me for the next two nights anyway

    Val: Young and starting out your life Cherish these moments Danny

    DannyBoy: I would if I had a bit of cash.

    Val: You could marry a rich man like me!

    DannyBoy: heh, not that desperate.

    Val: Danny, I better go Ive stuff to do

    DannyBoy: Yeah, Ill go aswell and start sorting out the bit of stuff I have with me.

    Val: K, will talk to you whenever babes.

    DannyBoy: Bye.

    Val leaves the room.

    DannyBoy leaves the room.

    Val is shown shutting off her computer. She moves out of the study and down the hall towards the kitchen. She clears up the dirty cutlery left by Michael and begins to wash it in the sink

    Fade out:

    Fade in:

    Danny rolls out a sleeping bag on the floor of his living room. He then leaves it and moves over to the window. He gazes out with his hands clasped behind his back.

  2. #2
    Member mammamaia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Tinian, a tiny Pacific island north of Guam, south of Saipan
    first off, yes, you don't know how to write a script!... sadly, there's so much wrong here, i haven't time to point out all the major flaws, much less the minor ones... if you want info on how to write scripts properly, you can email me... david trottier's 'screenwriter's bible' has a section on writing for tv in the back, so you could start with that...

    second, i can see you must be in canada, the uk or australia, so i don't know what the prospects are there, but in the us, it's virtually impossible for an unknown new writer to get anyone in the industry to even look at an idea or script for a new series, much less consider it... you have to be either a known writer with a good track record and a high-powered agent, or already working for a network [or all of the above] for anyone to open an envelope containing a series/script idea or ms, if it hasn't been requested... legal departments won't allow any leeway there...

    as for the idea itself, i can't see viewers being interested in watching a lot of internet chat and little to no action... so, if that's what you have in mind, i'll have to say this hasn't a chance... there's no way to tell from this excerpt what the thing is supposed to be about...

    if you want some help with it, you can email me any time...

    love and hugs, maia
    [email protected]
    For 100% free writing help/mentoring:
    Hidden Content

    "You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Adelaide, Australia
    I'd hate to say this but I agree with maia. The last thing viewers want to see is a person at the computer typing to someone else without voice. Sure adding a voice-over may make it seem less tedious but people want to see action on their screens and someone typing doesn't exactly consitute action. They have enough trouble keeping engaged with listening to long phone coversations - which is what your script is really.

    In Australia, it helps if you know someone in the industry. Like maia said, I doubt any unknown writers will be given much of a chance against known writers - even if you do have a brillant plot. I know that sounds really unfair but it's the way the industry goes.

    I've personally started studying film production at university to give me a chance in the industry. With a mini-series in mind and almost completed, it helps to know how to break it into the industry and have an idea how the production process actually works.

    In addition to contacting maia, I could be of some help if you wish it. Feel free to PM me.
    Last edited by Kimba; July 12th, 2006 at 08:37 AM.
    Hidden Content

  4. #4
    Member FLickTick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Toronto Ontario Canada
    You need to know about structure, story-line, format and a lot of other issues.
    Here is a good place to start improving your knoeledge on a daily basis:

    Hit on 'Tip of the day'.


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.