Zombies!!(and superpowers)


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Thread: Zombies!!(and superpowers)

  1. #1
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    Jun 2003
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    Austin
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    Zombies!!(and superpowers)

    This is a short comic script that I finished a few days ago and want to know what y'all think.

    Enjoy!

    Page 1

    Panel 1: Jakeó12 years old, medium height and build for his age, brown hair and eyes--is laying in bed, asleep, in his suburban northwest Austin home. It is morning

    Jake caption: It happened so fast.

    Panel 2: Jake waking up. He is beginning to sit up. Light is seeping in through the blinds, which are closed and fill almost the whole window.

    Jake caption: I saw lots of things that scared the shit out of me. Sorry. Mommy said I shouldn't cuss.

    Panel 3: Jake is climbing out of bed. He still looks very tired, and is reaching for the door.

    SFX: SKRITCHSKRATCH

    Jake caption: I don't think I could have survived without seeing what I saw.

    Panel 4: Jake's face changing to one of curiosity as he creaks open the door.

    Jake: Hello? I'm up mommy. I'll get dressed.

    Page 2

    Panel 1: His mother is pressing on the door, face dead and eyes staring into space. A small trickle of blood is trailing from her mouth and ears. Part of her face is unseen.

    Jake: Mommy?

    Mom: nnnggghh...

    Panel 2: Mom barreling in as Jake lets go of the doorknob. Her face is completely visible now, and has visible burn and cut marks on it.
    .
    Panel 3: Jake reaching out to her, extremely apprehensive, with a distant optimism on his face.

    Jake: It's gonna be okay Mommy...

    Panel 3: Mom grasping Jake's hand.

    Mom: NNNNNGGGGGHHHHH!
    Jake: AAAHHHHH!! MOMMY! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU!?

    Jake caption: There. I knew I was going to die.

    Panel 4: Jeff is off panel but is racing to the room as Jake continues his futile struggle.

    Jeff: Jaaaake!

    Jake caption: Jeff was alive, and apparently,...

    Page 3

    Panel 1: A baseball bat coming down on Mom's head, destroying it.

    Jeff: Die, you bitch!

    Jake caption: ...and very pissed.

    Panel 2: Jeff is still standing over his mom's crushed head, looking at Jake.

    Jeff: We have to leave. NOW.

    Panel 3: Jeff helping Jake off the floor. Jake is still very visibly shaken. Jeff looks remorseful and on the verge of tears, but angry nonetheless.

    Jeff: You okay?

    Jake: ...

    Page 4

    Panel 1: The two brothers walking into the hall, each trying to be wary of their surroundings.

    Jeff: Are you hungry?

    Jake: A little.

    Jeff: Get something to eat.

    Jeff Caption: I was going to protect him no matter what.

    Panel 2: Jake is walking through the den to the kitchen.

    Jake: What happened?

    Jeff: I really couldn't tell you.
    Jeff: I see this light, and when I wake up, Mommy and Beau are going into your room.
    Jeff: I wasn't sure if you were okay or not, but I was gonna make sure you weren't one of them.

    Panel 3: Jake looking down, seeing his other brother Kevin's dead body, his head also destroyed, but from a knife buried in the skull.

    Jake: I'm not hungry anymore.

    Jeff: That's understandable.
    Jeff: Let's just sit down for a little bit.
    Jeff: Shoot the shit before we do anything.

    Panel 4: Jeff walking through the den as Jake sits down at the dining room table.

    Jake: This is horrible.

    Jeff: You think? You really think?
    Jeff: I wasn't aware you were so perceptive today.

    Jake under breath: Shut up, asshole.

    Jeff: Just trying to add a bit of levity.

    Panel 5: Jeff sitting down next to Jake. Jeff is trying to comfort Jake.

    Jeff: Look, I don't know what the fuck to make of this either.
    Jeff: Only thing I know is is that I got to find Jen.

    Jake: What happened?

    Jeff: I just told you.

    Page 5

    Panel 1: Jake and Jeff are still discussing the current situation at the dining room table.

    Jake: What about Jen? You just mentioned her.

    Jeff: She's in San Antonio, at Lackland. I have to see if she's alright. I'm not gonna settle for not knowing if she's alive or one of these...things.

    Panel 2: A look of profound panic on Jake's face. Jeff is still stoic as he reaches for a glass of orange juice.

    Jake panic: WHAT? You can't leave! We don't know what's out there!

    Jeff: That's the least of my concern right now, Jake.

    Jeff: What I'm worried about right now is making sure you're alright and that Jen is still alive.

    Panel 3: Jake becoming angry with Jeff. Jeff still shows no emotion on his face.

    Jake: So you'll just go?! And expect me to follow you?

    Jeff: Not what I said.

    Jake: That IS what you said.

    Panel 4: Jake getting up, Jeff taking a sip of the orange juice.

    Jake: You just try to sound smart all of the time.

    Jeff: That's me, you fucking idiot.

    Page 6

    Panel 1: Jake turning around, anguish and anger apparent on his face.

    Jake: Do you know what's happened here?

    Jeff: What kind of fucking question is that? Of course I do.

    Panel 2: Jake shouting at Jeff. Jeff is getting up.

    Jake: Our whole family is dead! You killed them and you didn't care!

    Jeff: You really think that, you little shitwad? You think I wanted to do that?

    Panel 3: Jeff pulling the knife from Kevin's head, Jake watching in mingled horror and anger.

    Jeff: Do you have any fucking idea how numb I feel right now?! Did you realize I had to kill my parents and brothers and I thought I was gonna have to kill you?

    Panel 4: Jeff is walking towards Jake with the knife in hand. Jeff has abject burning hatred on his face.

    Jeff: Is any of this registering in your little 12 year old mind?

    Panel 5: Jake is backing up as Jeff moves closer with the knife prepared to strike.

    Jeff: Don't ever say anything to me about being an asshole.

    Jake: Jeff, don't do it.

    Page 7

    Panel 1: Jeff grabbing Jake by the arm and getting ready to stab.

    Jeff: Do WHAT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER? KILL YOU?!

    Panel 2: Close up on Jeff's face. It is mangled with insane anger and sadness.

    Jeff: What would I lose if I did? All I have is Jen and I don't know if she's still alive!

    Panel 3: Jake with terrified tears in his eyes.

    Jake: Don't, Jeff. I don't want to die.

    Panel 4: Jeff softening a bit, the realization of what he has done is hitting him.

    Jeff: What?

    Jake: I don't want to die.

    Page 8

    Panel 1: The knife dropping from Jeff's hand.

    Jeff: What did I do?

    Panel 2: Jeff's face filling with tears.

    Jeff: They're all dead! And I just killed them without a thought!

    Jake: No, Jeff. You did what you had to do.

    Panel 3: Jeff hitting his knees on the floor.

    Jeff: What are we gonna do Jake?

    Jake: I dunno. We just gotta stay alive.

    Panel 4: A small smile on Jeff's face as he gives Jake a hug.

    Jeff: Yeah. Stay alive and together.

    Page 9
    Panel 1: The two brothers looking at the front door to the house.

    ZOMBIES: UUUUNNNNNGGHHH, AAAAAHHHHH......

    Jeff: Shit. Guess the tearful Spielberg moment is over.

    Jake: Yeah.

    Panel 2: The zombies breaking through the door, pouring in.

    Jake: Are we gonna die?

    Panel 3: The backdoor window breaking, and more entering.



    Panel 4: Jeff and Jake standing in the center of the living room as the zombies close in on them.

    Jeff: You ready to leave?

    Jake: Yeah.

    Jeff: Climb on my back.

    Page 10

    Panel 1: Jake jumping on Jeff's back. The zombies are still lumbering toward the pair.

    Jeff: When did you get so light?

    Jake: What?

    Jeff: Never mind.

    Panel 2: Jeff beginning to run to the back of the house, towards their room, where the story started.

    Jeff: I'm really serious, Jake. When did you get not fat?

    Jake: Just shut up and run!

    Panel 3: Jeff running into the room, where zombies are pouring through yet another broken window. A blue flash emanates from Jake.

    Jake shout: STOP!!

    Jeff: What?! You told me to keep running.

    Panel 4: The entire wall smashes and explodes outwards, zombies flying everywhere and guts and entrails and rocks.

    SFX: BOOOOM!

    Jeff: Whoa!!

    Page 11

    Panel 1: Jeff looking at Jake in wonderment.

    Jeff: Did you do that?

    Jake: I think so.

    Panel 2: Jeff running over the carnage that Jake unleashed.

    Jeff: Whatever. It's time to go to San Antonio.

    Jake: Do you think that's a good idea?

    Jeff: No, but I do think it's a less bad idea.

  2. #2
    I must admit, I'm not used to reading the comic strip format, but once I got used to it, it seemed like an alright story. One thing I really liked about it, is how the brothers were arguing, almost to the point of killing each other, in this incredibly stressful situation (I'm assuming the zombies were a sudden new thing that nobody was expecting). I was practically screaming at my computer why on Earth they would be arguing and almost destroying each other when all they had was each other, which was why I was finally relieved when they did realize exactly that and stopped acting stupid and crazy (which I suppose is justified for a while in such a situation). It's been a while since you've posted this, I would just add that if you ever did decide to turn this into something, with the large amounts of zombie stories saturating our entertainment nowadays, you would have to make it special. Zombie stories are turning up everywhere now, and it's now one of my pet peeves if a film,book,video game, or whatever starts off normal, then all of a sudden . . . zombies! or zombie-like things. So if you do turn this into something, give it a twist, make it a zombie story that is different from the rest, otherwise it would probably be overlooked pretty easily.

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