Something weird I wrote...


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Thread: Something weird I wrote...

  1. #1
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    Something weird I wrote...

    INT. Insert any background here.

    VICKY
    I have this extra spork. Do you want it?

    JENNIFER
    Umm...no.

    VICKY
    Hey, let's play the Poking Game!

    JENNIFER
    Not THAT again! Remember what happened last time?

    VICKY
    No.

    JENNIFER
    Poor Amy had to get a spleen transplant 'cause--

    VICKY
    Poke! (pokes the spork into JENNIFER's eye)

    The SPORK makes a squishing noise and stays there.

    VICKY
    I win!

    JENNIFER
    Um... I'm now blind in one eye?

    VICKY
    Ah! I call it art!

    JENNIFER
    I call it pain.

    VICKY
    It shall be part of my sculpture collection!

    JENNIFER
    But I'm not a sculpture!

    VICKY
    I will call it... Oedipus Reloaded!

    JENNIFER
    But Oedipus was blinded with a brooch!

    VICKY
    Hmmm...I think I have a brooch somewhere....

    JENNIFER
    Don't... you... dare....

    VICKY
    Oh well, I left it at home.

    JENNIFER
    Helloooo...? I'm suffering here? I need medical attention?

    VICKY
    Did I hear something?

    JENNIFER
    Horrible suffering? Pain?

    VICKY
    So?

    JENNIFER
    I need a doctor!

    DOCTOR WILSON runs in.

    DOCTOR WILSON
    Did somebody ask for a Doctor?

    JENNIFER
    Over here.

    DOCTOR WILSON
    (stares) I have very bad news....

    JENNIFER
    Ahhh! I'm gonna die!

    DOCTOR WILSON
    Well, no. You forgot to comb your hair.

    JENNIFER
    What kind of a doctor are you?

    DOCTOR WILSON
    Doctor is just my first name.

    JENNIFER
    Argh! My vitreous humor hurts.

    VICKY
    And?

    JENNIFER
    (sarcastic) How humorous.

    The BAD PUN FAIRY appears in a puff of smoke. She has a cardboard wand with a horrible pink star on top and cardboard wings that are obviously duct-taped on.

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    I am the bad pun fairy! And you made an awful pun! So I will be taking you to Bad Pun Land!!!

    VICKY
    The yelling! It burns!

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    How rude!!!

    JENNIFER
    Can you... erm... take this spork out of my eye?

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    Of course!!! (waves her wand so furiously the star falls off)

    JENNIFER
    MY EYE WORKS AGAIN!

    VICKY
    And I'm a real boy!

    JENNIFER
    And I thought Vicky was a girl's name.

    VICKY
    (obviously making it up) Umm... it's short for... er... Victor.

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    Oh, yeah! And I must be taking Victor to Psychiatrist Land!!!

    VICKY
    NOOOOOO! Not the psychiatrist!!! The horror! (5-second pause) My name isn't Victor.

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    I still get to take Jennifer to Bad Pun Land!!! We will be walking there, because my wings are obviously duct-taped on! It's at least five thousand miles!

    VICKY
    Hey, wait, can't you teleport there? You know, the whole puff-of-smoke thing?

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    That was just a plot hole! Jennifer and I'll have to walk!!!

    JENNIFER
    (lying) I'm not Jennifer! It's... uh...Jeff.

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    You two still get prizes, though!!!

    JENNIFER and VICKY
    Yay!

    The BAD PUN FAIRY waves her now starless wand and makes two random things appear out of thin air. JENNIFER gets a briefcase full of hundred dollar bills, and VICKY gets a bowl of chili.

    JENNIFER
    Oh joy! A briefcase full of hundred dollar bills!

    VICKY
    Oh joy! Chili!

    BAD PUN FAIRY
    Oh, yeah! Since your name is Vicky and not Victor, you get to go to Infinite Supply of Beef Jerky Land for demonstrating the use of a flamethrower to kindergarteners!!!

    VICKY
    YAY! Crime does pay after all!

    JENNIFER
    I love these feel-good endings.

    THE END!
    -----
    Don't try this at home.
    Nobody was hurt in the making of this script.
    Jennifer, I'm sorry if you were insulted. I just HAD to have a spork injury in there.
    Vicky, you are probably not insulted at all.
    Amy, I also HAD to have spleen damage. Everybody loves spleens.
    I apologize for the (almost) complete lack of male characters. I'm not sure what Dr. Wilson's gender is.

  2. #2
    girl4anime
    Guest
    that is great.

  3. #3
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    Erm...thanks, I guess.

  4. #4
    Member
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    *does not know how to respond to that, either*

  5. #5
    I liked it. Reminded me of David Ives' stuff.

  6. #6
    Member
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    Oct 2004
    Location
    kensington, nh
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    funny, and enjoyable
    purple junk diluted iguana infested snarkleberries hungry traveller

  7. #7
    lmao that was truley wierd, and i like wierd stuff.

    will you be writing anymore of this kind of stuff?
    Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
    - E.L. Doctorow

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott Tuplin
    will you be writing anymore of this kind of stuff?
    Yes, considering I don't exactly write anything else.

  9. #9
    That was hilarious. Keep up the good work!

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Quantum Loser
    Quote Originally Posted by Scott Tuplin
    will you be writing anymore of this kind of stuff?
    Yes, considering I don't exactly write anything else.
    great. i look forward to reading more then
    Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
    - E.L. Doctorow

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