Have you ever been such a fighter that you couldn't even end it with yourself? You lie awake at night and just think... The stuff going through your head is enough to torment anyone into the darkness and yet night after night you take it. You body screams at your head saying shut the fuck up and pass out already. You know all of the tricks of the trade to pass out yet nothing is allowing you to follow through with the act of doing so. My mind has been come so contaminated that dreaming doesn't do anything for me. The mind cleanses its self by dreaming. Is it possible that your head could become so overloaded with the world that it is afraid to sleep and cross over into the liquid night of questions? Will I have a nightmare? Will I have dreams? Will I wake in the same position I fell asleep in and so sore that I don't move for three hours? Will I even wake up? And with each of these thoughts the mind goes into different tangents branching off in every direction to the point where you have to stop and wonder... " What is my mind running from? What chases my sub-conscience?" I have found the answer. My soul is being sucked from my body everyday. I am run down, I can't fight anymore. Everything just shuts down. And when I get home it's a safe zone and everything I was hiding from hell comes out and wants to "talk". Because I can't think in hell everything just collects into me and stores up layer upon layer adding to the torment that will follow in the twilight hours. All the things I should have said, all of the things I wanted to say come flashing back in a moment and with them every emotion comes as well to the point of all I can do is ball my eyes out because it is illegal to murder in this country. Not saying I would but I can't even shove my fingers into my ears and say " no no no I'm not listening, I cant hear you!"Every day human beings take it. Some attempt to fight, some lie down and just pretend to be invisible. So which one is correct? To shout out at the top of your lungs and yell "I don't agree with you! I want to sleep!" Or "Please do what you want, just leave me out of it"? How do we make it in this world with our souls intact, our minds at ease, and climbing our way to the top? How do we fight for a cause with out getting punished for it? How do we laugh at the little things, rejoice in the bigger things, and pass out before 3 am? Each of us has our own hell we must battle everyday and how it affects us is different for every person. But should we have to battle hell? Should we have our soul sucked until we become some sort of drone? I'm barely hanging on… I don't know how much longer I can last.