A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Plandemic Away (Clean Jokes Only Please)

[Aquarius]

Finding Jesus

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacherman who is in the middle of baptising people in the river. As the drunk walks into the water, he bumps into the preacher, who when turning round is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Undeterred by this, he asks the drunk: ‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’

‘Yes I am,’ replies the drunk. So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. When he pulls the drunk up, he asks him? ‘Brother have you found Jesus?’

The drunk replies: ‘No, I haven't.’ The preacher is shocked at this answer. So he dunks the drunk once more into the water, but this time holds him down a bit longer. When he pulls the drunk out of the water, he asks again: ‘Have you found Jesus, my brother?’

‘No,’ says the drunk, ‘I have not found him.’

By now the preacher is at his wits end. So he dunks the drunk into the water again, but this time holds him down a bit longer still.

When the man begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up and again asks: ‘For the love of God, have you found Jesus?’

Wiping his eyes and catching his breath, the drunk replies: ‘Are you sure this is where he fell in?’

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *

[SueC]

Mistake

[Aquarius]

Mistake

Ah, what a pity! Why not tell us something funny instead?

[Aquarius]

Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar and Napoleon are watching the October Parade in Moscow’s Red Square.

Alexander looks at the tanks and says: ‘If I had chariots like these, I’d have conquered the whole of Asia.’

Caesar looks at the giant rockets: ‘If I’d had such catapults, I’d have conquered the whole world.’

Napoleon looks up from a copy of Pravda: ‘And if I had owned a newspaper like this, nobody would ever have heard of Waterloo.’

From English Humour for Beginners - by George Mikes

* * *