Does this make grammatical sense?


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  1. #1

    Does this make grammatical sense?

    "Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

    Also, should it be "in" or "through"?

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by jake_foster View Post
    "Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

    Also, should it be "in" or "through"?
    I'd change it to 'doorway'. Either 'in' or 'through' would be right. Consider the movement of the associated words though. He's 'stood' not moving so 'in' works fine. If he was moving then I'd use 'through'. I don't see anything wrong other than that though. It looks fine to me, taking your style into consideration.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  3. #3
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    I liked it.

    ORIGINAL: "
    Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

    you can always do this, see if it works, cut the 'run-up' of draft.:

    Christa stood still halfway in the door. another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's. too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by jake_foster View Post
    "Christa stood still halfway in the door. She knew this would be another of mothers self-absorbed prattling's, but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now. She had been outed. "

    Also, should it be "in" or "through"?
    Stylistically fine (from a self-professed stylistic butcher).

    Two items: prattlings shouldn't be possessive, and you could safely omit the bolded.

  5. #5
    No, it doesn't make sense - at least not in my dialect. "Halfway through the doorway" would probably be better than "half in the door", though both sound slightly clumsy, and the repetition of -way doesn't sound so great. I suggest writing around it. Of course, if Christa is a woodworm beetle it might work to situate her halfway through the door.

    Mothers takes an apostrophe (Mother's) because the prattlings belong to her.

    Prattling's must have the apostrophe dropped because the word is a plural and nothing belongs to them.

    I'm not so certain of the next part but "She had been outed" looks likes a change of tense from simple past tense to pluperfect (also known as past perfect). Although such a change is often frowned upon, you may have your reasons. Pluperfect tends to distance an event more than the simple past tense. "She was outed" would be a more natural way to follow on from your previous writing.

    EDIT: Although not grammatically wrong, I suggest changing "but it was too late for her to feign ignorance of her presence now" by dropping *for her" so it reads "but it was too late to feign ignorance of her presence now". It feels tighter and context retains the meaning.

    SECOND EDIT: You might be able to drop "now" at the end as well.
    Last edited by Phil Istine; March 7th, 2021 at 10:39 AM. Reason: addendum


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