The boy as an older man to his mother:


Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: The boy as an older man to his mother:

  1. #1

    The boy as an older man to his mother:

    Into this then, this space
    of sacred rocks placed in balance,
    the sunlight to screen thoughts.

    I remember when we were young
    you held my hand, mother, as I
    now hold yours, your eyes then, clear
    looking forward to a time of me
    never to become a reality,

    those rocks that hover
    huddle against wind and word
    create shelter in thought and deed.

    This man I am, distant now
    from that time of holding hands,
    my children adults now
    who plan that hand-holding in their futures
    and whatever they will see
    standing there with their’s
    will match
    and will not

    the vision you had
    and that now sometimes I glimpse echoes of
    as you sit, frail, barely present
    in this second between dreams.
    Last edited by dannyboy; February 28th, 2021 at 10:07 PM.

  2. #2
    I think this is beautiful, the sadness is palpable. The way in which you convey the emotion while also articulating a sense that it’s just part of life is great. The piece is fleeting and that really conveys and helps carry the topic.

    How attached are you to the first stanza? I’d almost be tempted to start the piece with S2.

    Cheers

    Syd

  3. #3
    That last line is pure gold.

    Lovely and sad.
    What comes after the NaPo storm of poetry?
    Get ready for the
    May 2021 Collaborator Challenge.

    Send your potential partner a fruit basket and start begging!

  4. #4
    I'll have a think Syd, the first stanza if often where the thought starts, doesn't mean it belongs by the time I've reached the end.
    Ta Foxee.

  5. #5
    The first stanza, to initiate the flashback in steady flow, rocks creating balance to screen the sunlight ( exactly at proper angles), what an imagery.... Just awesome. The entire journey and realising that when your feet stepped into ,her shoes, trying to take steps like her....

    Emotions heart felt.

    Ritu

  6. #6

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.