Is This Considered A Cliché?


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Thread: Is This Considered A Cliché?

  1. #1

    Is This Considered A Cliché?

    edit: Oh, the humiliation! Maybe if I only get a small number of the same people replying, I can justify that mistake.

    I often make notes when writing, for other stories I'll be working on next. I'm thinking of re-purposing the voice I use for MotherHUD for use in a children's story, but I'm also working on another voice for a detective story. I wrote this and I know it's based on a well known joke but wondered if it's now common to see it used like this. I've never read detective stories or written one before:


    The spanner-eyed starlet shifted her knees smoothly from one side of the chair to the other, like a shark rolling in on a minnow.
    Last edited by PiP; February 26th, 2021 at 09:06 PM.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  2. #2
    I guess my objection is you should be showing us her sexiness, not telling us about it.

    I've never heard the term "spanner-eyed" before, so I'm guessing the answer is no.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by EternalGreen View Post
    I guess my objection is you should be showing us her sexiness, not telling us about it.

    I've never heard the term "spanner-eyed" before, so I'm guessing the answer is no.
    Well, the joke is 'she had spanner eyes. Every time she looks at you your nuts tighten'.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by TheMightyAz View Post
    edit: Oh, the humiliation! Maybe if I only get a small number of the same people replying, I can justify that mistake.

    I often make notes when writing, for other stories I'll be working on next. I'm thinking of re-purposing the voice I use for MotherHUD for use in a children's story, but I'm also working on another voice for a detective story. I wrote this and I know it's based on a well known joke but wondered if it's now common to see it used like this. I've never read detective stories or written one before:
    i had to look up spanner. It’s a wrench? Wrenching eyes?
    I like the shark and the minnow, but having to look up something is a distraction. I don’t know what % of your readership know about tools? It is describing her from a very male perspective, and it might exclude some readers? I mean I feel a bit left out on it. Describing sexy can include everyone, or can be oriented to your main character... like he could feel like his nuts are being tightened and that’s not exclusionary because your MC is just discussing his own experience, so that can even seem sexy to me to hear as a hetero cis-female. But describing someone as doing anything to everyone listening’s nuts means I don’t have that anatomy and am excluded from the general. if it happened a bunch, I’d stop reading the book since I would feel like an interloper, a clear “girls keep out” on the clubhouse.

    This kind of thing happens often enough that I think most women just kind of blink. I love the Colbert Late Show and usually love Colbert but often listening to comedians Im expected to all of a sudden apply a joke to myself that assumes that I have certain anatomy. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the joke, but it is an immediate “I don’t have that, am I supposed to be here?” It takes about two blinks to decide that They just didn’t think about it. That I think we women are way too used to and I’m realizing men are not used to this at all and don’t even read books where the main character is a women. And I am finding that men sometimes don’t know what that feels like. I’ve been seeing it a lot lately. The experience of the “two blinks” gives people a lot of understanding.

    Not meaning to be harsh, my friend... I just have been thinking about this a lot lately...

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Llyralen View Post
    i had to look up spanner. It’s a wrench? Wrenching eyes?
    I like the shark and the minnow, but having to look up something is a distraction. I don’t know what % of your readership know about tools? It is describing her from a very male perspective, and it might exclude some readers? I mean I feel a bit left out on it. Describing sexy can include everyone, or can be oriented to your main character... like he could feel like his nuts are being tightened and that’s not exclusionary because your MC is just discussing his own experience, so that can even seem sexy to me to hear as a hetero cis-female. But describing someone as doing anything to everyone listening’s nuts means I don’t have that anatomy and am excluded from the general. if it happened a bunch, I’d stop reading the book since I would feel like an interloper, a clear “girls keep out” on the clubhouse.

    This kind of thing happens often enough that I think most women just kind of blink. I love the Colbert Late Show and usually love Colbert but often listening to comedians Im expected to all of a sudden apply a joke to myself that assumes that I have certain anatomy. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the joke, but it is an immediate “I don’t have that, am I supposed to be here?” It takes about two blinks to decide that They just didn’t think about it. That I think we women are way too used to and I’m realizing men are not used to this at all and don’t even read books where the main character is a women. And I am finding that men sometimes don’t know what that feels like. I’ve been seeing it a lot lately. The experience of the “two blinks” gives people a lot of understanding.

    Not meaning to be harsh, my friend... I just have been thinking about this a lot lately...
    This is one sentence out of a probable 15 page short story. I'll be sure to add other descriptions too ... It's amazing how you've already got this pegged as a male orientated story from ONE sentence lol

    But, if it excludes some people, so be it.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  6. #6
    We don't use the word 'spanner' in the USA, we call it a 'wrench'. You must obviously modify your language accordingly because, as Americans, the entire world revolves around us.

    Jokes aside, I don't think it's a cliché but it is kind of corny, kind of a dad-ism. If that's the vibe, it's fine.
    Deactivated due to staff trolling. Bye!

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by luckyscars View Post
    We don't use the word 'spanner' in the USA, we call it a 'wrench'. You must obviously modify your language accordingly because, as Americans, the entire world revolves around us.

    Jokes aside, I don't think it's a cliché but it is kind of corny, kind of a dad-ism. If that's the vibe, it's fine.
    I don't really know the tone I'm going to set yet. This just got me to wondering whether it's a cliche or not.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by TheMightyAz View Post
    I don't really know the tone I'm going to set yet. This just got me to wondering whether it's a cliche or not.
    Okay so, I jest, but the United States = the by far the biggest market for English language fiction so while that does not mean you should write as an American, there's probably better than a 50% chance whoever reads your work wont know what you mean by 'spanner eyed', at least not immediately. It's not the kind of thing you can just suss out from context, like figuring out 'tea' means 'dinner'.

    For something to be a cliche it has to be widely used and understood. I googled 'spanner eyes' and found one entry on Urban Dictionary and one on a Reddit page (both alluding to your joke) so nah, I think you're safe regarding cliches. Like I say, a little pervy-old-man-at-the-pub is all.
    Deactivated due to staff trolling. Bye!

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by luckyscars View Post
    Okay so, I jest, but the United States = the by far the biggest market for English language fiction so while that does not mean you should write as an American, there's probably better than a 50% chance whoever reads your work wont know what you mean by 'spanner eyed', at least not immediately. It's not the kind of thing you can just suss out from context, like figuring out 'tea' means 'dinner'.

    For something to be a cliche it has to be widely used and understood. I googled 'spanner eyes' and found one entry on Urban Dictionary and one on a Reddit page (both alluding to your joke) so nah, I think you're safe regarding cliches. Like I say, a little pervy-old-man-at-the-pub is all.
    Guilty!

    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  10. #10
    Show and tell is a balancing act. I don't know how women readers would react. But depicting women horribly has turned off some readers that are women. To talk about her sexiness imo might be something a female reader might object to doing. That is they might want if it has a reality (as in her personality as well) since they are the real readership to have good female characters. Most women are the readers of fiction works. Not to mention while it depends on the genre it seems that love and sex novels are devoured by female readers. So I don't know other statistics, but that is how I would depict her. Be sensitive to what other people think. If a romance develops in the story, even better for female readers. Given the fact that I don't know how writers handle women really well. It seems to vary greatly since the opinion is so divided. Men can get it wrong a lot of the time. I do think sexiness is something an audience can handle with maturity if toned down. You don't necessarily need examples but a sex scene in a story I don't think sells a lot of books. The only examples belong to the love genre in the first place or romance.
    I would follow as in believe in the words of good moral leaders. Rather than the beliefs of oneself.
    The most difficult thing for a writer to comprehend is to experience silence, so speak up. (quoted from a member)

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