Does this part of my story need to be explained?


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Thread: Does this part of my story need to be explained?

  1. #1

    Does this part of my story need to be explained?

    For my story, which is a crime thriller the main character is a cop who is assigned to protect a witness and goes to her place to pick her up and takes her to a safe house. The way I wrote it so far is that when he goes to pick her up, the villains are watching her place, and see that she now has police protection and they panic and try to kill her before she can get away... And they fail and the main character takes her to the safe house.

    However, I thought it might be better if I save the attempt on her until later, because then the main character and her have had more time to bond before the attack happens then. But I couldn't figure out a way for the villains to figure out where the safe house is though, so I thought maybe I should just have the attempt on her happen beforehand though.

    But one reader told me to that I should just write it so that the villains show up at the safe house later, and that I do not have to explain how they found it, and just leave it up to the imagination. But is this okay though to do this, or is it sloppy? I cannot recall ever seeing something like this in fiction before where the villains find someone and it's not explained how they found them. Unless it's okay?

  2. #2
    That would be a HUGE hole in the story, IMO. I'm picturing reading this and thinking 'What the hell? How did they get there?'.

    Nothing says bonding like saving the dame in distress, though

  3. #3
    There should be a reason for the villains to defeat the police's strategy. Otherwise there is no emotional impact to the strategy being defeated. The classic way to do this is treachery. Another police officer tells the villains where to go. And their motivation is tied to the other major plot thread, which seems to be the relationship between the main cop and the witness. If we're going to classic tropes again the motive here would be jealousy. So The second cop is jealous that the witness is getting too close to her crush and tries to use the villains to eliminate her rival.

    Or have two attacks. Why not? Your reader will thank you for it if you're writing a thriller and each attack adds something new to the story.

  4. #4
    Well I suppose one way the villains could find out is to aim a parabolic micriphone towards the police station to try to pick up the conversation about the where the witness is being taken to. But if the villains find out this way, would the audience be thinking if finding out police information is that easy then why don't most criminals do that in real life?

  5. #5
    I'd stick with your original idea. Getting two complete strangers together under such a stressful situation, will throw up some interesting narrative beats and give you the opportunity to build a unique relationship.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Backstroke_Italics View Post
    There should be a reason for the villains to defeat the police's strategy. Otherwise there is no emotional impact to the strategy being defeated. The classic way to do this is treachery. Another police officer tells the villains where to go. And their motivation is tied to the other major plot thread, which seems to be the relationship between the main cop and the witness. If we're going to classic tropes again the motive here would be jealousy. So The second cop is jealous that the witness is getting too close to her crush and tries to use the villains to eliminate her rival.

    Or have two attacks. Why not? Your reader will thank you for it if you're writing a thriller and each attack adds something new to the story.
    Actually yes there is a second attack later as well, it's just I wonder if I should save both for later, because then them being closer together may be more exciting, or so I thought.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by TheMightyAz View Post
    I'd stick with your original idea. Getting two complete strangers together under such a stressful situation, will throw up some interesting narrative beats and give you the opportunity to build a unique relationship.
    Oh by that you mean the idea that the villains attack her home first as the cop picks her up?

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
    Oh by that you mean the idea that the villains attack her home first as the cop picks her up?
    Yes. Think of the interesting relationship they could build from that one stressful moment. No slow burn, just 'there you go' instant partnership. Deal with it! But what would that relationship be like?
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

  9. #9
    Oh okay. That's how I have it written right now, but one reader told me that I should do the opposite and have the attack later because then they've already formed that bond and have it for the attack then, if that reader has a point as well?

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
    Oh okay. That's how I have it written right now, but one reader told me that I should do the opposite and have the attack later because then they've already formed that bond and have it for the attack then, if that reader has a point as well?
    No, that reader doesn't. It's YOUR story. Tell it how you want to tell it. If it doesn't work, then consider altering it later. In the meantime, set yourself the goal of making your OWN idea work. Always take advise on structuring, grammar, word choice etc. But never take the advise of people who want to change your story.
    Craft / Draft / Graft And Write To Entertain.

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