FMC cutting her hair


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Thread: FMC cutting her hair

  1. #1

    FMC cutting her hair

    FMC needs to escape a city, she worked in the government that oppressed and executed people that stepped out of line. Now everything is falling apart, so she's disguising herself.

    She stripped a dead woman and took her common clothing (FMC is a clothes horse) and now she's in her bathroom hacking away at her long blonde hair (no time for a color job). Before this, she took pride in her appearance and used it to her advantage.

    What is she feeling as she crudely hacks it off?

  2. #2
    Ok, this one evokes strong feelings for me. I had an experience with a classmate in highschool who had the most gorgeous long hair in the school. One day, she showed up with it all cut very short. I knew something was wrong, -- I asked her about it. It took her a long time to share, but eventually, she said she was trying to escape someone, and that's exactly what she did...I don't want to get into the details.

    I just remember her apparent loss of any desire to be attractive at all. At that moment, when she cut it, she didn't feel any remorse or doubt...just fear. There is a time when self-preservation usurps vanity.


    Sometimes in the waves of change we find our new direction...
    - unknown

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor View Post
    Ok, this one evokes strong feelings for me. I had an experience with a classmate in highschool who had the most gorgeous long hair in the school. One day, she showed up with it all cut very short. I knew something was wrong, -- I asked her about it. It took her a long time to share, but eventually, she said she was trying to escape someone, and that's exactly what she did...I don't want to get into the details.

    I just remember her apparent loss of any desire to be attractive at all. At that moment, when she cut it, she didn't feel any remorse or doubt...just fear. There is a time when self-preservation usurps vanity.
    Thanks!
    FMC is in a panic. The power has failed and the entire city is paralyzed. She works for the government and ah been a terrible person, responsible for the deaths of many citizens. If she's recognized people will tear her apart. If you don't mind, I'll stick a few paragraphs in - first draft so it's rough - so you can get the mood and tell me if I'm close.

    The sleeves of her white silk shirt and her dress were bloody, which would help her blend in, but the fabric they were made from was something exclusive of the elite; she needed to find something else to wear. She hurried to her closet and sorted through her clothes, but found nothing common among them. A scream of frustration nearly tore through her throat, but then she remembered Vera. They were almost the same size, what had the traitorous whore been wearing?

    Her assistant’s body was lying behind the sofa. Her throat had been slashed, but her dark blue top did a fairly good job of hiding the gore. She stripped the woman of her blouse and denim pants, then ran to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, she set her flashlight so it shone up at the ceiling, then took a pair of crude scissors and brutally attacked her hair. She was fond of her long blonde locks, but there wasn’t time to get emotional about their loss. By the time she was done, it was an unorganized, uneven mess that hung lopsidedly just below her ears.

    After quickly dressing in Vera’s clothing, he hurried into her closet to find practical footwear. In a frenzy, she swept her beautiful pumps off the shoe-shelves, searching for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she came across an old familiar pair of lace-up boots she had worn when she first came to Vegas City and slipped them on.

    She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Despite the trials of the evening, her face was too made-up and clean. First, she washed her makeup off, then wiped mascara on her palms and wiped her face. The result was an uneven dirty complexion that completed her transformation. She sighed, as she gazed into the mirror, it wasn’t a perfect disguise but it would have to do.
    As an aside - I'm working with a woman at the martial art school where I train; she'd developing an app and a whole organization to help the survivors of domestic abuse. (She endured this in her first marriage.) I'm helping her with the self defense aspect, and also making suggestions about establishing a network of other DV survivors, a how to prepare to bug-out if things are going badly.

    This is a very serious problem, and am happy to help her.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by indianroads View Post
    Thanks!
    FMC is in a panic. The power has failed and the entire city is paralyzed. She works for the government and ah been a terrible person, responsible for the deaths of many citizens. If she's recognized people will tear her apart. If you don't mind, I'll stick a few paragraphs in - first draft so it's rough - so you can get the mood and tell me if I'm close.

    As an aside - I'm working with a woman at the martial art school where I train; she'd developing an app and a whole organization to help the survivors of domestic abuse. (She endured this in her first marriage.) I'm helping her with the self defense aspect, and also making suggestions about establishing a network of other DV survivors, a how to prepare to bug-out if things are going badly.

    This is a very serious problem, and am happy to help her.
    Glad you are helping your friend. This is such a serious issue, it needs all the help it can get.

    As mentioned, in this circumstance, there would be no and I mean NO thoughts of vanity. Here are my comments:

    The sleeves of her white silk shirt and her dress were bloody, which would help her blend in, but the fabric they were made from was something exclusive of the elite; she needed to find something else to wear. She hurried to her closet and sorted through her clothes, but found nothing common among them. A scream of frustration nearly tore through her throat, but then she remembered Vera. (Excellent!) They were almost the same size, what had she the traitorous whore been wearing? (She is likely not in a judgemental mood either)

    Her assistantís body was lying behind the sofa. Her throat had been slashed, but her dark blue top did a fairly good job of hiding the gore. She stripped the woman of her blouse and denim pants, then ran to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, she set her flashlight so it shone up at the ceiling, then took a pair of crude scissors and brutally attacked her hair. She was fond of her long blonde locks, but there wasnít time to get emotional about their loss.(Question this also. It probably never crossed her mind at this point. Try, 'She watched her long blonde locks fall to the ground, dispassionately, as if shedding a dangerous attraction') By the time she was done, it was an unorganized, uneven mess that hung lopsidedly just below her ears. (Consider adding: 'She tousled the ragged bangs over her eyes and moved onto her next mode of disguise.')

    After quickly dressing in Veraís clothing, she hurried into her closet to find practical footwear. In a frenzy, she swept her beautifulmultitude of pumps off the shoe-shelves, searching for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she came across an old familiar pair of lace-up boots she had worn when she first came to Vegas City and slipped them on.She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Despite the trials of the evening, her face was too made-up and clean. First, she washed her makeup off, then wiped mascara on her palms and wiped her face. The result was an uneven dirty complexion that completed her transformation. She sighed, as she gazed into the mirror, it wasnít a perfect disguise but it would have to do. (Anything like "familiar" or "beautiful" would be old emotions that would have left her consciousness in this state of terror.)

    Sometimes in the waves of change we find our new direction...
    - unknown

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor View Post
    Glad you are helping your friend. This is such a serious issue, it needs all the help it can get.

    As mentioned, in this circumstance, there would be no and I mean NO thoughts of vanity. Here are my comments:

    The sleeves of her white silk shirt and her dress were bloody, which would help her blend in, but the fabric they were made from was something exclusive of the elite; she needed to find something else to wear. She hurried to her closet and sorted through her clothes, but found nothing common among them. A scream of frustration nearly tore through her throat, but then she remembered Vera. (Excellent!) They were almost the same size, what had she the traitorous whore been wearing? (She is likely not in a judgemental mood either)

    Her assistant’s body was lying behind the sofa. Her throat had been slashed, but her dark blue top did a fairly good job of hiding the gore. She stripped the woman of her blouse and denim pants, then ran to the bathroom. Behind the closed door, she set her flashlight so it shone up at the ceiling, then took a pair of crude scissors and brutally attacked her hair. She was fond of her long blonde locks, but there wasn’t time to get emotional about their loss.(Question this also. It probably never crossed her mind at this point. Try, 'She watched her long blonde locks fall to the ground, dispassionately, as if shedding a dangerous attraction') By the time she was done, it was an unorganized, uneven mess that hung lopsidedly just below her ears. (Consider adding: 'She tousled the ragged bangs over her eyes and moved onto her next mode of disguise.')

    After quickly dressing in Vera’s clothing, she hurried into her closet to find practical footwear. In a frenzy, she swept her beautifulmultitude of pumps off the shoe-shelves, searching for something comfortable to wear. Finally, she came across an old familiar pair of lace-up boots she had worn when she first came to Vegas City and slipped them on.She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. Despite the trials of the evening, her face was too made-up and clean. First, she washed her makeup off, then wiped mascara on her palms and wiped her face. The result was an uneven dirty complexion that completed her transformation. She sighed, as she gazed into the mirror, it wasn’t a perfect disguise but it would have to do. (Anything like "familiar" or "beautiful" would be old emotions that would have left her consciousness in this state of terror.)

    Thanks very much for your thoughtful response. Her assistant had betrayed and tried to kill her earlier in the evening, that’s where that comment came from, but I’ll reevaluate during edits.

    Again, thanks.

  6. #6
    I see you mention that FMC is a clothes horse in the question but in the excerpt she's not really reacting to stripping her would-be killer. To me that's the important bit.

    Looks like this woman cares about her appearance but she also has a rock solid pragmatism about getting to her objective. I would think that in the scene she's in go-mode and I doubt she would give the sacrifice of her hair a moment's consideration until after she's well out of this scene and probably into one where she misses her old life or her clothes or can grieve a bit over her hair.

    But mostly I see pragmatism in her.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Foxee View Post
    I see you mention that FMC is a clothes horse in the question but in the excerpt she's not really reacting to stripping her would-be killer. To me that's the important bit.

    Looks like this woman cares about her appearance but she also has a rock solid pragmatism about getting to her objective. I would think that in the scene she's in go-mode and I doubt she would give the sacrifice of her hair a moment's consideration until after she's well out of this scene and probably into one where she misses her old life or her clothes or can grieve a bit over her hair.

    But mostly I see pragmatism in her.
    good point! Thank you!

  8. #8
    I can't see stripping a body of its bloody clothing and putting them on. Bloody clothes are difficult to remove and put on. Ain't no way your girl's gonna do that.

    What's going on that being bloody helps you blend in? Even in the fiercest battle or violent riot, blood attracts three attention of those trying to help or looking for their next victim.

    The character has practical shoes, but no practical clothing? No sweat pants or tee shirts to lounge around in on a Saturday morning? No gym clothes? No jacket stolen from her boyfriend?

    I imagine what she's feeling is fear, desperation and panic.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by MistWolf View Post
    I can't see stripping a body of its bloody clothing and putting them on. Bloody clothes are difficult to remove and put on. Ain't no way your girl's gonna do that.

    What's going on that being bloody helps you blend in? Even in the fiercest battle or violent riot, blood attracts three attention of those trying to help or looking for their next victim.

    The character has practical shoes, but no practical clothing? No sweat pants or tee shirts to lounge around in on a Saturday morning? No gym clothes? No jacket stolen from her boyfriend?

    I imagine what she's feeling is fear, desperation and panic.
    Emotions are weird, though. There are people who might have these feelings inside but they aren't always in touch with them when they need to survive.

    The bloody clothes is something to be careful about, I agree.
    Last edited by Foxee; January 28th, 2021 at 02:00 PM.

  10. #10
    In terms of pragmatism, she needs to get rid of that hair she has cut off or they will be looking for someone with short hair that matches it.
    A new story

    I finally got 'A Family Business' recorded and loaded, all 37 mins of it, much longer than any I have done before.
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