Does this complex of scenes work?


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Thread: Does this complex of scenes work?

  1. #1

    Does this complex of scenes work?

    t
    Last edited by Puellamagi; January 24th, 2021 at 03:18 PM.

  2. #2
    edit
    Last edited by TheMightyAz; January 24th, 2021 at 03:18 PM.
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

  3. #3
    This is an opening sequence of the novel. I am presenting the world and a heroine to a reader. In this scene she is completely alone against the weight of the world, so no dialogue is available.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Puellamagi View Post
    This is an opening sequence of the novel. I am presenting the world and a heroine to a reader. In this scene she is completely alone against the weight of the world, so no dialogue is available.
    So the first sentence is the very first sentence of the story?
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

  5. #5
    No. We have another scene before. Where Alle climbs up the Tower's pinnacle. So we already can imagine what is inside the Tower: a gothic kingdom of industry, a machine realm where machines works on their own in the halls of stone under the pointed arches and cross vaults.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Puellamagi View Post
    No. We have another scene before. Where Alle climbs up the Tower's pinnacle. So we already can imagine what is inside the Tower: a gothic kingdom of industry, a machine realm where machines works on their own in the halls of stone under the pointed arches and cross vaults.
    Ah, OK. Have you got dialogue and less dense ideas in the previous sections? If so, I'd not worry about it.
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

  7. #7

  8. #8
    first rights caution
    points to workshop
    quick deletion of post content by both posters requested?



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  9. #9
    edit

    I'd personally lose 'funeral' there. This may be better off in the Workshop area because I'm sure you'll get a lot of great feedback and there's lots to unpack. A good opening sentence too.
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

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