Planned Obsolecence:


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Thread: Planned Obsolecence:

  1. #1

    Planned Obsolecence:

    I
    From the beginning it is planned
    that end
    the futility to pretend
    the refrigerator will last into the next decade
    the television will beam pictures out
    until the sun eventually switches off
    the act of drying hair with the hairdryer
    brings the little puff of smoke ever closer.

    Intelligent design by factories
    who know the side to butter their bread
    is not the long-lasting strength of year
    into new year,
    rather they harbour the bright and shiny exit
    once the designated warranty is buried
    under dust and receipts in the drawer
    beside a sadly degrading computer.

    II
    Father is dead now
    these past thirty years
    my brothers and I have grey beards,
    there is the slightest shake in the fingers
    of my sisterís hand that once held mine
    as she walked me across the street,
    mother forgets I called yesterday
    and I have grown
    past that little boy of six with children
    she cannot remember
    and a wife she forgets each phone call
    that she has met.

    III
    old Nelson is gone
    his heart beat until the pain
    was too much to bear
    his blind eyes through his ears
    followed my movements about the house
    he only rose
    to find the food bowl and sometimes
    if luck chose my side
    to ask to piss outside.

    I miss the sound of his feet
    plucking sound down the corridor
    the feel of his small head
    resting on my lap;

    I have a picture of him
    painted by my friend, it shocks me to think
    Kevin has been gone 5 years.

  2. #2
    Hello,

    This is powerful stuff. I think each part has its own merits but for me I would consider Part One feeling a little bit disparate from two and three. It seems to me that they are both so personal to the speaker where as part one feels broader and less personal. Perhaps you could include the image of someone close to the speaker drying their hair/ watching t.v.?

    Cheers

    Syd

  3. #3
    Wow

    OK, now I have to try and elaborate!

    Firstly, the title/topic/theme resonates very strongly with me. The sheer temporariness (is that a word?? Spell check is letting me have it) of all we possess and love

    Then the way it is presented and written. Powerful words and structure

    And the ending. Love it.

    But so much for my fledgling attempts at analysis. Thanks for sharing!

  4. #4
    I'm sorry if I'm the last to know but are you considering a book of poems like this? I would want it if so.

    I wish I had more to offer with analysis but I'm going to stick with what I know I like. The progression of the poem works wonderfully for me, the foundation of the first part explaining 'what is' in concrete this-happens-to-everyone terms that are even slightly whimiscal. The middle part about family that brings it to the heart, ending on the dog which works well as an individual heart-and-mechanics example. Beautifully done.

    One of my very favorite lines in this was about the dog's feet "plucking sound down the corridor", you have that sound nailed so that it's impossible not to hear it echo in your head.

    Really strong, beautiful piece. I'm glad to leave the technical adjusting to people who know better than I.
    What comes after the NaPo storm of poetry?
    Get ready for the
    May 2021 Collaborator Challenge.

    Send your potential partner a fruit basket and start begging!

  5. #5
    Hi Foxee,

    thank you and yes, all the recent poems (from this onwards) belong to this collection building around planned obsolescence (f I can spell the title correctly....).

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by dannyboy View Post
    I
    From the beginning it is planned
    that end
    the futility to pretend
    the refrigerator will last into the next decade
    the television will beam pictures out
    until the sun eventually switches off
    the act of drying hair with the hairdryer
    brings the little puff of smoke ever closer.

    Intelligent design by factories
    who know the side to butter their bread
    is not the long-lasting strength of year
    into new year,
    rather they harbour the bright and shiny exit
    once the designated warranty is buried
    under dust and receipts in the drawer
    beside a sadly degrading computer.

    II
    Father is dead now
    these past thirty years
    my brothers and I have grey beards,
    there is the slightest shake in the fingers
    of my sister’s hand that once held mine
    as she walked me across the street,
    mother forgets I called yesterday
    and I have grown
    past that little boy of six with children
    she cannot remember
    and a wife she forgets each phone call
    that she has met.

    III
    old Nelson is gone
    his heart beat until the pain
    was too much to bear
    his blind eyes through his ears
    followed my movements about the house
    he only rose
    to find the food bowl and sometimes
    if luck chose my side
    to ask to piss outside.

    I miss the sound of his feet
    plucking sound down the corridor
    the feel of his small head
    resting on my lap;

    I have a picture of him
    painted by my friend, it shocks me to think
    Kevin has been gone 5 years.
    I don't want to call it a poem, to just read it like that as creative piece. It is something that hangs the emotion in the front wall, by the side of the clock, reminding you again and again of that space inside the heart.

    But yes I agree with Foxee, this and other poems I have read earlier are quite seem to be taking to collection. Looking forward to read your book someday.

    All the very good luck.

    Ritu
    A cup of darkness
    Dips of dreams
    Sips of moments
    Sugar with cream

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