Fag And A Can


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Thread: Fag And A Can

  1. #1

    Fag And A Can

    ​Some British slang: 'me' = MY / 'sen' = SELF / 'fag' = CIGARETTE / 'are' = OUR / 'muvers' = MOTHERS

    Fag and a can


    Got me sen a fag and a can
    Two black eyes cos I’m the man
    Tattoos and dots on me face
    Scars and jeans to hide me grace
    Sovereign rings on every knuckle
    Think we’re cool but our muvers chuckle
    Payin’ through their eyes and nose
    So we can trash it with the bros
    Shake it out and strut our stuff
    Violence is a poor man’s bluff

    Got me sen a fag and a can
    A girlfriend and a brand new pram
    Six stone nothing; always bitchin’
    ‘Bout me flat without no kitchen
    Fridge half empty, can half full
    Take this pain and make it dull
    Lines of coke to make life faster
    Holes in doors, fists in plaster
    Thinkin’ how love is felt
    With the buckle on me old man’s belt

    Got me sen a fag and a can
    Map, a compass but no real plan
    Plen’y of time to see the past
    Check out the mold from which I’m caste
    Through me tears I see me fate
    Bits of love but stacks of hate
    Bless me girlfriend that she chooses
    A life with me and all those bruises
    Her face broken, my face frowns
    Are kids get me hand-me-downs…
    Last edited by TheMightyAz; January 15th, 2021 at 04:46 AM.
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by TheMightyAz View Post
    ​Some British slang: 'me' = MY / 'sen' = SELF / 'fag' = CIGARETTE / 'are' = OUR / 'muvers' = MOTHERS

    Fag and a can


    Got me sen a fag and a can
    Two black eyes cos I’m the man
    Tattoos and dots on me face
    Scars and jeans to hide me grace
    Sovereign rings on every knuckle
    Think we’re cool but our muvers chuckle
    Payin’ through their eyes and nose
    So we can trash it with the bros
    Shake it out and strut our stuff
    Violence is a poor man’s bluff

    Got me sen a fag and a can
    A girlfriend and a brand new pram
    Six stone nothing; always bitchin’
    ‘Bout me flat without no kitchen
    Fridge half empty, can half full
    Take this pain and make it dull
    Lines of coke to make life faster
    Holes in doors, fists in plaster
    Thinkin’ how love is felt
    With the buckle on me old man’s belt

    Got me sen a fag and a can
    Map, a compass but no real plan
    Plen’y of time to see the past
    Check out the mold from which I’m caste
    Through me tears I see me fate
    Bits of love but stacks of hate
    Bless me girlfriend that she chooses
    A life with me and all those bruises
    Her face broken, my face frowns
    Are kids get me hand-me-downs…
    The characters I see...every bar patron at 2am when I lived in Lowell, Massachusetts. Good stuff, man.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by BostonsOwn View Post
    The characters I see...every bar patron at 2am when I lived in Lowell, Massachusetts. Good stuff, man.
    What do you call them in America? We call them (or used to) 'chavs'. It stood for Council House And Violent.
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by TheMightyAz View Post
    What do you call them in America? We call them (or used to) 'chavs'. It stood for Council House And Violent.
    Growing up, we’d call them “hoods” as in neighborhoods. In their case - I’ll actually say mine as well, from the middle or lower middle class kids.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by BostonsOwn View Post
    Growing up, we’d call them “hoods” as in neighborhoods. In their case - I’ll actually say mine as well, from the middle or lower middle class kids.
    That's where you get your grittiness from then. It's informed your writing wonderfully! The gifts we can't bring ourselves to acknowledge ...
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

  6. #6
    Hello,

    I like this a lot, it’s sending me proper John Cooper Clarke vibes. I think the way in which you use rhyme for a piece with quite a serious purpose, is clever because initially it feels rather comic only for the reality to dawn on the reader.

    If I’m being critical I think the rhythm in portions of stanza two feels a little forced, making the reader stumble a little. But that’s just a small criticism.

    Cheers

    Syd

  7. #7
    Am I alone in thinking John Cooper-Clark - Meh?

    "Sen" is Yorkshire dialect, not English "normal," usual usage being "Thee sen" for "yourself." If ever thee dos owt for nowt, do it for thee sen. And if you are going to "English it up" then mould!

    Apart from that, I love it.
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  8. #8
    Wow, that's like a collection of mercilessly clear black-and-white crime scene photographs.

    This line really got me:
    Check out the mold from which I’m caste
    Great use of words that bring in two ideas of "I can't change my position in life" on a wordplay. Well done.

    I know a guy who works as itinerant security for retail stores doing loss prevention. He told me that a lot of the people he busts for shoplifting don't view it as a crime or a choice but as "how life is". In their view, only suckers go to the store and pay money for what they can take for free.

  9. #9
    You have a gift for bringing characters to life. The poem reads lighthearted but so serious at the same time. You're such a great writer.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by happy-hippie View Post
    You have a gift for bringing characters to life. The poem reads lighthearted but so serious at the same time. You're such a great writer.
    I meant to thank you personally and forgot. Cheers, man.
    Just An Ordinary Bloke, Doing Ordinary Things, In An Extraordinary World.

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