What is experimental phrasing? - Page 4


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Thread: What is experimental phrasing?

  1. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by bennylava View Post
    Here's an excerpt from chapter 1 of my self help book. He said this part needed more experimental phrasing. The book is aimed at a general audience, and it's written to help people who hate their jobs transition into making their living in a way they find much more fulfilling. Primarily through entrepreneurship, as this is what allows them to do meaningful work that they enjoy. We're changing their work life from "suck" to "enjoyment". So here it is:

    My goal is to convince you to break the cycle of working for others, being unhappy, and earning low pay. But how? "How" takes time, but it's not something I'd call difficult. I can help you with a lot of this, but technically, "how" is something you have to figure out. The reason for that is because I can't know what you love to do. But somewhere, deep down in your unconscious mind, you know what you'd rather be doing with your life. Or maybe it's not that deep, and you're someone who already knows what you'd rather be working at. Maybe you've just been procrastinating for a long time. If you don't pursue this thing you love, it will eat away at your soul. I believe that this is a contributor to many of the depression cases we have these days. It certainly was for me.

    I'll use myself as an example here. For me, the thing I should have been doing for all those years turned out to be writing. But I couldn't admit to myself that it was the right thing to do. It wasn't until my mid 30's that I realized I wanted to be a writer. We all got exposed to writing in school, and I remember that it seemed to be shunned by the other students. They didn't appear to like doing it. Even back then, I enjoyed it, but it seemed tedious because I was only a kid with a lot to learn. It also seemed like something that wouldn't earn me a living. Neither of those things is true. What one person finds to be dull, another person delights in. And the money you make depends on how much time and effort you're prepared to put into it. How much you're willing to hone your skill.


    So what do you do if you have trouble admitting your goal to yourself? Or to others? What I'm about to say next might seem ridiculous to some people, but we all have our own inner struggles. Here's the one I had to overcome once I decided to write: I didn't want anyone I knew to read my writing. It felt like some kind of violation of my privacy. When someone reads your work, it's almost as though they get a window into your soul. In some sense, they do. When someone is reading a book you wrote, you're not having a conversation. You can't defend yourself line by line, point by point as though you were talking to them. You just have to let them see what you really think, and know how you really feel. After they've read your book, they know you a little better. You might even say that they know you better than you know them.
    authenticity
    vulnerability

    But I just needed to get over myself. I was never going to get anywhere worrying about what people would think of me. It was the fear of judgment that I had to overcome. I decided that I was taking this whole 'personal privacy' thing a little too far. A writer has to open themselves up to the world and let the chips fall where they may. The point is that when you're figuring out what you want to do with your life (if you don't already know), you may realize it's something you're a little uncomfortable with. This could be the reason you never started doing it full time. We've all got our personal preferences, but you can't let them hold you back.
    ways to work with the many discomforts
    that come with calculated risk(s)


    In the above paragraphs, use experimental phrasing wherever you can. Describe some of the judgment in a humorous way. Maybe quote some of the things you heard and write sarcastic replies to them that you wish youíd said, but didnít.

    humorous spin on your internal dialog.


    That sounds fine I guess, but I didn't hear any jeers or judgments. Primarily cause I haven't told anyone but my wife that I'm writing a book. Due to that whole personal privacy thing I mentioned. I don't have any sarcastic remarks or witty comebacks that I wish I'd said. I don't think my friends/family would've have said anything like that to me anyway. I also have this bias against anything that sounds like fluff or filler. I want my book to be very practical. I don't want to waste any of the reader's time. I want it short, sweet, and to the point. (it's 32k words)

    I've made sure it's entertaining with little examples and stories and a bit of humor, but I don't want to make anything up. It's all supposed to be very real. Cause I want to really help them get out of their crappy job.
    imo, this, as initial post, could have provided you with ready explanation.

    frame your "self help" as the experiment IT IS.
    what were the ideas you experimented with?
    what made those "pieces/components" of the experimental process
    you decided to work with
    to reach your goal?

    IF you are "helping" aspiring writers
    by describing your "method",
    then do that.

    phrase
    your
    experiment.

    anyone can tell me what they think successful writing should look like.
    anyone can tell me ultimately i must define what kind of discomfort
    i will embrace to get closer to my happy,
    BUT
    i will not pay you
    to tell me
    that my purchase of your writing
    ONLY helps you reach your financial goal.

    THAT is a pyramid scheme.

    break your experiment down.
    share the choices you identified.
    share the reasoning behind the decisions you made.
    share the successes and/or obstacles that followed.
    humor can create bridges between your material
    and your reader(s).
    humor can provide insights to your reader
    when your internal dialogue
    is shared with your reader on the page.

    not afraid of judgment,
    BUT

    self, i said,
    why shouldn't you commit to writing full time?
    umm, 'cuz someone will turn the utilities off?
    umm, 'cuz the neighbors will laugh every time i take the trash to the curb?
    umm, 'cuz when no one reads what i've written,
    i will have to beg
    to return to the job
    that sucks the life out of me?

    self, i said,
    want to have a picnic
    and
    think this through?
    yes.
    yes, i would.
    and i did.

    is that helpful?
    " I like it, but I donít get it." - Megan WF April LM Challenge

    "Hereby copyright for all things Xonian and Xxildurim is transferred to one named -xXx-" - Mish The Question Game 2458

    "...intrusively poetic, robotic way of articulating thought." - Sycamore LM coffee shop 347

    i wrote this:
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    just in time
    for memorable holidays
    at a publication near you
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    share it with someone you treasure
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  2. #32
    Member TheManx's Avatar
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    There are so many self-help books out there ó thatís why Iím writing my book:

    ďGiving Up: How to Underachieve and Feel Good About It!Ē
    Last edited by TheManx; Yesterday at 05:14 PM.

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