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Thread: Senryu

  1. #31
    so this could be a haiku:

    the elevator*
    rose is a rose is a rose**
    sun shine entices

    *Tim Murphy
    ** Gertrude Stein


    I'm trying to turn it into a senryu. My reasoning here is that the lines in poetry provide punctuation through their own spacing; but I'm not sure if metaphors are allowed or not, still less proverbial maxims.

    the top floor debunked
    the passengers on the lift
    while glass ceiling watched

    I'm still seeking a Japanese poet because there is a danger of undermining Japanese culture with glib little poems.
    Kind regards,
    Hidden Content Katrina
    Hidden Content
    Choreographing Calligraphy


  2. #32
    I like your top one. Clear imagery, and the cut is obvious even without punctuation. The first part is clearly connected across 2 lines because of the continuity. I love the double meaning with "rose".

    I don't think there is much danger of us undermining Japanese culture by trying to write Japanese poetry anymore than Japanese undermine American culture by playing baseball or recording rap music.

  3. #33
    Here is a journal (I'm pretty sure I exchanged emails with one of the editors a while ago whilst looking for a Japanese poet; but he only deals in Western form): https://prunejuice.wordpress.com/202...-31-july-2020/ Point being: if you write any good ones, here is an outlet.
    Kind regards,
    Hidden Content Katrina
    Hidden Content
    Choreographing Calligraphy


  4. #34
    Katrina, this site is very helpful. I've copied a few of my favorites. Reading these will be far more instructive than listening to me. Obviously, every line is not image based but the images make the poems.


    dead termites
    the exterminator
    lights a cigarette

    - Andy Burkhart




    survivor guilt
    the carrot nose
    outlasts the snowman

    - Cara Holman




    rush hour
    the hearse driver
    lets me in

    - Ernest Wit



    as the train rolls
    her mascara
    runs

    - Liam Wilkinson




    retirement seminar
    my free pen
    stops working

    - Meik Blöttenberger




    the waitress
    points the way to the toilet
    with a coffeepot

    - Nick Hoffman




    a frog, a heron
    and a cicada
    walk into a bar . .

    - Raymond A. French

    .












  5. #35
    Yes. I like the survivor guilt, the mascara and the coffeepot; random really.
    Kind regards,
    Hidden Content Katrina
    Hidden Content
    Choreographing Calligraphy


  6. #36
    I thought Tim's original was an absurdist joke. These are more conventional. Still quite funny though. I like them, I read somewhere they were originally like Japanese working peoples jokes. Its interesting that its a type of poetry.

    Edit - with a joke about a pen, can he really be called Blottenberger?
    'I don't know what I'm doing'

  7. #37
    "Help me please,
    I can't get out, I'm trapped."
    Inverted commas.

    the quick
    brown fox, jumps through
    the fourth wall

    alternative

    the quick
    brown fox, jumped over
    the cut

    sorry
    I don't count syllables
    unless to sleep

    poetry
    that doesn't take itself seriously
    poets will
    Last edited by petergrimes; September 7th, 2020 at 04:23 AM.
    'I don't know what I'm doing'

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