Senryu - Page 3


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Thread: Senryu

  1. #21
    I was talking about yours in #18. It’s actually 5-8-6. But syllable count is not so important.

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by TL Murphy View Post
    I was talking about yours in #18. It’s actually 5-8-6. But syllable count is not so important.
    Oh, I see what you're saying. That. Well I guess I pronounce senryu differently than you (my way conveniently made 7 syllables in line 2). And in line 3 I wrote the number 7 rather than spelling it out to cheat on the syllable count. I could have written "sev'n" and cheated the old school way too. Thought it way more amusing my way. I guess no one else is laughing, however. Just me.

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Outsider View Post
    Read T L's poem
    to see if it was senryu
    It was. 5 7 5.
    Yes, I know but senryu is more than three lines and counting syllables,the cut, placement of punctuation, not using capital letters at the beginning of each line . You only have three lines to make it pop so what qualities make a good senryu? Or can you just splash words on a page like abstract grafffi ... have you tried to write senryu, outsider?
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  4. #24

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by PiP View Post
    Yes, I know but senryu is more than three lines and counting syllables,the cut, placement of punctuation, not using capital letters at the beginning of each line . You only have three lines to make it pop so what qualities make a good senryu? Or can you just splash words on a page like abstract grafffi ... have you tried to write senryu, outsider?
    If I've written any senryu it was like Moliere's M. Jourdain realizing he had been speaking prose all along. I'm much more the Jackson Pollock of splashing words.

  6. #26
    Okay, let’s forget about word count. Think more: short line, long line, short line. Some haiku are written in one line. It’s still haiku. Unfortunately the idea of 5-7-5 has taken over the aesthetic of haiku in the western world and completely distorted the beauty of the form. In my understanding, whether it is haiku or senryu, the goal is to present this balance of opposites, or “antithesis” in very few words with clear cut or division between the two images. “Image” being the important theme here, as opposed to description or explanation. I think senryu is suppose to be more relaxed in that demand but I would say that the best senryu still concentrate the impact of opposing images instead of explanation. As Rob points out, “pop” is important. The conclusion should be enigmatic or at least surprising.

  7. #27
    Thanks, Tim. Okay, I think I have grasped the concept. Let's try

    bitch in a bottle
    empty shallow compliments-
    one-way friendship

    or

    one-way friendship
    empty shallow compliments-
    bitch in a bottle

    the second cut is correct
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  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by TL Murphy View Post
    Okay, let’s forget about word count. Think more: short line, long line, short line. Some haiku are written in one line. It’s still haiku. Unfortunately the idea of 5-7-5 has taken over the aesthetic of haiku in the western world and completely distorted the beauty of the form. In my understanding, whether it is haiku or senryu, the goal is to present this balance of opposites, or “antithesis” in very few words with clear cut or division between the two images. “Image” being the important theme here, as opposed to description or explanation. I think senryu is suppose to be more relaxed in that demand but I would say that the best senryu still concentrate the impact of opposing images instead of explanation. As Rob points out, “pop” is important. The conclusion should be enigmatic or at least surprising.
    I've found that if I adhere to a 5-7-5 syllable count, it can sometimes obstruct using optimal words.


  9. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by PiP View Post
    Thanks, Tim. Okay, I think I have grasped the concept. Let's try

    bitch in a bottle
    empty shallow compliments-
    one-way friendship

    or

    one-way friendship
    empty shallow compliments-
    bitch in a bottle

    the second cut is correct
    In both versions, 2 of the three lines are explanations and one line is an image. Although this is not strictly against the rules in sentryu, image is stronger than explanation.

  10. #30
    Thanks for your patience tim. Now these are all images?

    Bitch in a bottle image
    recycling bin overflows: image
    wine-stained compliments image(?) concrete of abstract compliment

    rework

    wine-stained compliments image
    leave a bad taste in the mouth; explanation
    so this line must be an image?

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