The Hoot of an Owl (fractured fairytales)


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Thread: The Hoot of an Owl (fractured fairytales)

  1. #1

    The Hoot of an Owl (fractured fairytales)

    The Hoot of an Owl

    While polishing my fiddle to the shine of the Morning Star, I heard the Hoot, Hoot, Hoot, of an owl. I looked up, and to my fiddle-minded amazement, I saw the largest and most fearsome looking owl one could ever have the privilege to see. His big round yellow eyes stared directly into mine. They looked hungry as he seemed to ponder if I was either predator or prey.

    I was prepared for his attack when he halted in mid-flight and let out another hoot. In owlese he said,

    “Forgive me, Mistress Fiddler, I almost took you for supper. My sight hasn’t been that good of late. You can imagine what problems bad sight from an owl can cause. Just the other day I mistook a Lion for a Pig. Let me tell you he was none too pleased. I was lucky to escape with my feathers intact. You are known world-wide as a friend to the birds, bees, flowers and the trees, and I stand ashamed before you. I wait for your judgment.”

    I put my arm out for the owl to perch on. I took a few things out of my pouch and conjured up what I needed. I gave him a little hug and a smile and said,

    “You’re the most beautiful, largest and most powerful owl that I’ve ever seen. It’s a delight to be in your presence. You need not be ashamed before me, you did me no harm, and even if you did, it would not have been intentional. Fear not, no judgment will I give, but a gift of better sight you will receive instead.”

    I put a pair of specially made Owl eyeglasses on his big yellow eyes. He now looked like a scholarly Owl. He hooted in surprise and wonder. He was now able to see like he did when he was an owlet. He shed a few tears, wrapped his wings around me, and pecked me on my cheek. He flew away and his Hoot, Hoot, Hoot, was that of a very happy and grateful Owl....
    Last edited by rcallaci; October 28th, 2020 at 06:28 PM. Reason: olllie's suggestion
    Nature weeps, the devil sings
    at mans greed and pride
    and what it brings

    Just lots of useless
    little things

  2. #2
    You may or may not know that myself and owls have a " thing". Your title drew me in like a magnet! I like this Fiddler of yours.

  3. #3
    While polishing my fiddle to the shiniest of shines, I heard the Hoot, Hoot, Hoot, of an owl. I looked up, and lo and behold!
    There is something that sounds 'I am consciously writing for children' about this which you have avoided in the rest of it. I would change the 'shiniest of shines, it's a bit lazy TBH, why not a real simile 'To shine like a buttercup on a sunny day'. The nearest our owl comes to three hoots is a 'Whoo hoo', repetitive noises is not really an owl thing, except little owls and they screech rather than hoot, and then 'lo and behold'. it is an adults idea of what will amuse children, nobody says 'lo and behold' in a child's real world. Talking to owls and making them eyeglasses is unreal enough, couch it in the normal.
    "Give me time I will find out how to delete the duplicates, in the meantime avoid the ones with a date instead of a title."
    I found out how and was discussing it with my technical adviser (Younger daughter) and she said "Why bother? It's obvious anyway and not a problem, and you will lose a few views" . So I didn't.

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  4. #4
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  5. #5
    Thanks for posting this. I loved it. I agree with Olly about changing the sentence "shiniest of shines" to something different. Maybe you could try; "While polishing my fiddle so that it would shine as brightly as the moonlight, I heard the hooting of an owl". The moonlight ties in with night which is when the owls are usually awake.

  6. #6
    I like that, Lizzie, but I would shorten it.

    'While polishing my fiddle to shine bright as moonlight'

    It brings the important elements closer together. It is an unexpected simile, both because it is not the instant association with bright and also because it is has long vowels and a soft sound; just that soft touch of 't' at the end. Not like 'bold as brass' or 'bright as a new pin'.
    "Give me time I will find out how to delete the duplicates, in the meantime avoid the ones with a date instead of a title."
    I found out how and was discussing it with my technical adviser (Younger daughter) and she said "Why bother? It's obvious anyway and not a problem, and you will lose a few views" . So I didn't.

    Stories from just over two minutes to just over sixteen minutes long, listen while you work, my friend listens whilst doing her work e-mails Hidden Content
    Hidden Content


    A thread of links useful to writers wishing to learn
    Piglet's picks. Hidden Content

  7. #7
    Ollie an liz
    took your urging, changed it to the shine of the Morning Star-
    Nature weeps, the devil sings
    at mans greed and pride
    and what it brings

    Just lots of useless
    little things

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