How Would You Classify My Writing?


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Thread: How Would You Classify My Writing?

  1. #1

    How Would You Classify My Writing?

    I am not completely certain where my type of writing style falls. Can you assist me and let me know? Here's an excerpt:




    As Tito lay with his legs apart with a red book in his hands, filled with teaching stories that narrated fairy-tale passages, the story of three young men departing from their little and very unexciting town to seek knowledge, encountered all sorts of interesting people like tradesmen, a blacksmith hammering metal with a constant ring, merchants opening their shops, and fishermen preparing their huge nets, baits and boats, along their long adventurous journey and asked everyone they met, "What is the ultimate truth?", mesmerized him so perfectly that he wished he were one of them also traveling and gaining knowledge, also broadening his mind's depth about the world and nearing the state of enlightenment, if only by inches. If the young men sought the cleverest scholars in the village and asked the most difficult questions, he wanted to be there seeking those very intelligent scholars and asking them all the questions that had stumped him for so long.




    I appreciate your input.


    If you are interested in my novel, go to http://www.kingofthebullies.com



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  2. #2

  3. #3
    World-building Fantasy by Narrative-immersion.
    Reminds me of some fantasy chronicles or RP games.
    Needs more periods though. Too much run on sentences. Hard to read well.
    Hope this was helpful.

  4. #4
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    I found the section a little cluttered, over-written possibly. I would propose an evolution with fewer words, more 'skip' to your style, allowing pictures to arise in the reader's mind. It is somewhat dense at present.

    Here is your original, before I cut/paste, notice your red herring right up top, the distraction, or confusion of 'legs apart' which is unnecessary.

    As Tito lay with his legs apart with a red book in his hands, filled with teaching stories that narrated fairy-tale passages, the story of three young men departing from their little and very unexciting town to seek knowledge, encountered all sorts of interesting people like tradesmen, a blacksmith hammering metal with a constant ring, merchants opening their shops, and fishermen preparing their huge nets, baits and boats, along their long adventurous journey and asked everyone they met, "What is the ultimate truth?", mesmerized him so perfectly that he wished he were one of them also traveling and gaining knowledge, also broadening his mind's depth about the world and nearing the state of enlightenment, if only by inches. If the young men sought the cleverest scholars in the village and asked the most difficult questions, he wanted to be there seeking those very intelligent scholars and asking them all the questions that had stumped him for so long.

    Beginning with 'as' is not very pretty, while the content itself is fairly enchanting. Say one thing in each sentence and write clean, or cleanly....

    Tito lay with a book in his hands.

    three young men departing from their unexciting town seek knowledge, encountered tradesmen, a blacksmith hammering metal with a constant ring, merchants opening their shops, and fishermen preparing their huge nets, baits and boats, along their long adventurous journey/ asked everyone they met,

    "What is the ultimate truth?",

    mesmerized him so perfectly/ he wished he were traveling and gaining knowledge, broadening his mind and nearing the state of enlightenment, if only by inches. the young men sought the cleverest scholars in the village and asked the most difficult questions,/ he wanted to be there seeking those intelligent scholars and asking them all the
    very questions that had stumped him for so long.

    I have used only your words. If you keep the style fresh and zippy I think you have a great future as a writer, all best

  5. #5
    I think flow of consciousness could be used, as there is very little understandable rhythm to the excerpt, although that could be intentional. Like someone here pointed out, your double use of the word with in the first sentence is extremely clunky.
    On a side note, is the red book you mentioned Jung's red book?

  6. #6
    I agree with Matchu about using fewer words; making the writing tight and compact with shorter sentences can give it more of a punch rather than making it breathy. Sometimes it is better to be sparse to grasp what is essential in what you're trying to show or tell. Speaking of which, I'm also going to give the advice to practice showing instead of telling. When you typed, "encountered all sorts of *interesting* people," you were inserting your opinion and become vague because we, the readers, don't know what interests you or how you conceptualize the word, "interesting." Surely, there's a better adjective, or combination of words that could illustrate what you mean by it. Other than that, it is a solid piece and I would not bat too much eye at it; it is an acceptable piece, but one that can be improved

  7. #7
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    As someone who has been corrected many times over for my run-on-sentences, I just think of this as a breathless monologue at times. Without periods, it gives the impression of a single thought, and while that might be intentional, it's a bit confusing in terms of pacing. I see it this way, after a particularly hard point or spot where you want some emphasis, separate the sentences to give the reader an opportunity to think and absorb what they've read. Written like this, it's very hard to properly absorb all that you're given. It's like trying to translate without any pauses-- you just end up with too much information to parse, and aren't exactly sure where it's appropriate to try.

    That being said, and I hope I still have you, I do very much like it.

    Another point i would make is your tenses. I'm going to post here and use bold and italics to show you what i mean.

    the story of three young men departing from their little and very unexciting town to seek knowledge, encountered all sorts of interesting people like tradesmen, a blacksmith hammering metal with a constant ring, merchants opening their shops, and fishermen preparing their huge nets, baits and boats, along their long adventurous journey and asked everyone they met, "What is the ultimate truth?", mesmerized him so perfectly that he wished he were one of them also traveling and gaining knowledge

    let me start with italics. I assume these are the points that are connected. That he was mesmerized by this story. These two pieces are so far apart that i had trouble connecting them without reading through a few times and parsing out the pieces. If you were to say "there was a story of three young men," and later, "this story mesmerized him" it would be much clearer.

    on the bolds, the tenses are inconsistent and distract me a bit, as i have trouble placing the timeframe and common thread.

    all that being said, i love the worldbuilding and detail. I would describe it as as detailed and alive, a sort of organic, almost self-actualizing world. If cleared up, i think it would lend itself very well into epic fantasy. My opinions are my own though, and i can't understate that i very much DO like it.

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