Personal statement dilemma


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Thread: Personal statement dilemma

  1. #1

    Personal statement dilemma

    Hello!!

    I hope that everyone is doing well. I am currently in the process of writing my personal statement and would really appreciate some guidance.

    Unfortunately , I have this thing about me in which I am unable to continue on with my writing unless everything is perfect ( I am horrible at rough drafts).

    Currently, I am opening my personal with the following

    In light of growing opposition, silence, a rather weak approach in my opinion, has a way granting hope and a false sense of freedom to many of its prisoners. This has proven to be especially true when considering the overall criticism ( from impressionable mentors, friends, and family members) surrounding my decision to highlight on social injustices, more specifically, police brutality, in my personal statement.

    I know that there is a better way of transitioning into the second sentence. However, I cannot seem to find it. I would really appreciate any suggestions.

    Thank you kindly

  2. #2
    What's this a personal statement for? It seems a strange way to start one. I can't parse the first sentence.

  3. #3
    Patron Foxee's Avatar
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    Get to the point.
    In light of growing opposition, silence , a rather weak approach in my opinion, has a way of granting hope and a false sense of freedom to many of its prisoners.
    Etc.

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