Is Grammarly useful? - Page 4


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Thread: Is Grammarly useful?

  1. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by vranger View Post
    If that's current action, I like the action verb in there, but I'd like the character's name instead of the pronoun. It would still be better to see more of the context around it. You might also consider breaking that sentence up, since there are three distinct thoughts in there. It also might make a difference whether this sentence comes before or after the dialogue which changes the subject. Definitely use active before, passive not so bad after the dialogue.
    Is this enough?

    “Oh is that what it means? Well, I guess I don’t know enough about what you lawyer types do. But he seemed very smart. And very well-spoken. A lot like you darling.” Sofia reached over and placed her hand lovingly on Chenlies chin, gently turning it so she could give him a peck on the lips. It was her attemp to change the conversation because she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious. It was one of the only things that sometimes frustrated Sofia about Chenlie.
    Last edited by Taylor; April 5th, 2021 at 11:34 PM.
    Sometimes in the waves of change we find our new direction...
    - unknown

  2. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor View Post
    Is this enough?

    “Oh is that what it means? Well, I guess I don’t know enough about what you lawyer types do. But he seemed very smart. And very well-spoken. A lot like you darling.” Sofia reached over and placed her hand lovingly on Chenlies chin, gently turning it so she could give him a peck on the lips. It was her attemp to change the conversation because she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious. It was one of the only things that sometimes frustrated Sofia about Chenlie.
    I wouldn't have an issue with that phrase (except for trying to economize on 't's LOL) but my editor's eye is suspicious of having four 'was's in a row.

    In the previous sentence, you might consider "to give him" instead of "so she could give him". That's a bit against my current flow, as I'm personally trying to cut down on infinitives, but the entire sequence seems wordy and that helps a little. The last two sentences are things I find in my own first drafts and revise--both for clarity and to cut down on copulas.

    "It was her attempt" coming after the action shouldn't require you to go to "She attempted'--which as I mentioned sounds better if it comes first. However, you don't always have to rearrange a sentence to get rid of the copula. You can sometimes just replace "was" with a better verb. You could have something like "It commenced/signaled/initiated/etc her attempt". This is where I hit the thesaurus hard trying to come up with the best word to fit my idea of the action.

    Then you can have something like "because Chenlie's dry sense of humor wore on her patience. It frustrated her during a serious discussion."

    I'd get rid of the "one of the only things". It's already wordy and that phrase isn't adding to the sequence.

    Let me give this a shot:

    "Is that what it means? I don't know enough about what you lawyers do. But he seemed smart and well spoken--much like you, darling." Sofia placed her hand lovingly on Chenlies' cheek, gently turning it to give him a peck on the lips. It commenced an attempt to change the conversation, because his dry sense of humor wore on her patience. It frustrated her during a serious discussion."
    You'll have to decide if you like something like that better, but it gets rid of your string of copulas, cuts out a bit of redundancy and some adverbs, and trims some wordiness--stuff I find in most first drafts, including mine!

    (Note: "Chenlie's chin" HAD to go. LOL)
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  3. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by vranger View Post
    I wouldn't have an issue with that phrase (except for trying to economize on 't's LOL) but my editor's eye is suspicious of having four 'was's in a row.

    In the previous sentence, you might consider "to give him" instead of "so she could give him". That's a bit against my current flow, as I'm personally trying to cut down on infinitives, but the entire sequence seems wordy and that helps a little. The last two sentences are things I find in my own first drafts and revise--both for clarity and to cut down on copulas.

    "It was her attempt" coming after the action shouldn't require you to go to "She attempted'--which as I mentioned sounds better if it comes first. However, you don't always have to rearrange a sentence to get rid of the copula. You can sometimes just replace "was" with a better verb. You could have something like "It commenced/signaled/initiated/etc her attempt". This is where I hit the thesaurus hard trying to come up with the best word to fit my idea of the action.

    Then you can have something like "because Chenlie's dry sense of humor wore on her patience. It frustrated her during a serious discussion."

    I'd get rid of the "one of the only things". It's already wordy and that phrase isn't adding to the sequence.

    Let me give this a shot:



    You'll have to decide if you like something like that better, but it gets rid of your string of copulas, cuts out a bit of redundancy and some adverbs, and trims some wordiness--stuff I find in most first drafts, including mine!

    (Note: "Chenlie's chin" HAD to go. LOL)
    Thanks vranger for taking the time. I like your new version.

    All great suggestions and something to think about going forward!
    Sometimes in the waves of change we find our new direction...
    - unknown

  4. #34
    It was herHer attempt at changing the conversation wasbecause she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious.

    This was the only change it could detect when using Grammarly (the subscription service) and the sentence is taken from post #29.

    From post #31.

    “Oh is that what it means? Well, I guess I don’t know enough about what you lawyer types do. But he seemed very smart. And very well-spoken. A lot like you darling.” Sofia reached over and placed her hand lovingly on Chenlies chin, gently turning it so she could give him a peck on the lips. It was her attemp to change the conversation because she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious. It was one of the only things that sometimes frustrated Sofia about Chenlie.
    Corrected version:
    “Oh, is that what it means? Well, I guess I don’t know enough about what you lawyer types do. But he seemed very smart. And very well-spoken. A lot like you, darling.” Sofia reached over and placed her hand lovingly on Chenlies chin, gently turning it so she could give him a peck on the lips. Her attempt to change the conversation was because she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious. It was one of the only things that sometimes frustrated Sofia about Chenlie.
    I would follow as in believe in the words of good moral leaders. Rather than the beliefs of oneself.
    The most difficult thing for a writer to comprehend is to experience silence, so speak up. (quoted from a member)

  5. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by Theglasshouse View Post
    It was herHer attempt at changing the conversation wasbecause she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious.

    This was the only change it could detect when using Grammarly (the subscription service) and the sentence is taken from post #29.

    From post #31.


    Corrected version:
    “Oh, is that what it means? Well, I guess I don’t know enough about what you lawyer types do. But he seemed very smart. And very well-spoken. A lot like you, darling.” Sofia reached over and placed her hand lovingly on Chenlies chin, gently turning it so she could give him a peck on the lips. Her attempt to change the conversation was because she was getting impatient with Chenlie’s dry sense of humor when she was trying to be serious. It was one of the only things that sometimes frustrated Sofia about Chenlie.
    Such a simple fix, but a definite improvement!
    Sometimes in the waves of change we find our new direction...
    - unknown

  6. #36
    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor View Post
    Thanks vranger for taking the time. I like your new version.

    All great suggestions and something to think about going forward!
    There's something else I could have mentioned, and I think it's an issue writers often don't recognize. You've got a crowd of concepts to fit together there: changing the conversation, getting impatient, dry sense of humor, trying to be serious, and getting frustrated.

    In that situation, often writers are in such a rush to get a list like that in that they let them step on each other. I also see it in action sequences and lists of personal characteristics, among other things. It's not always easy to step back and organize lists of information in the best order and allow each the proper emphasis. I'm not particularly applying this to your paragraph, but paragraphs like it in general. Trying to fit everything in often leads to complex sentences, often disorganized.

    There are a couple of solutions. One is to decrease the number of concepts. Decide which are the most important and drop the remainder. Another is to break one or more out and give them extra depth, but only if that makes it relevant and/or interesting, and not a dry information dump.

    In this case, impatient and frustrating are similar concepts, so you might consider dumping one of the two, or break them out into their own paragraph and enrich their presence.
    Friend of Writing Forums

  7. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by vranger View Post
    There's something else I could have mentioned, and I think it's an issue writers often don't recognize. You've got a crowd of concepts to fit together there: changing the conversation, getting impatient, dry sense of humor, trying to be serious, and getting frustrated.

    In that situation, often writers are in such a rush to get a list like that in that they let them step on each other. I also see it in action sequences and lists of personal characteristics, among other things. It's not always easy to step back and organize lists of information in the best order and allow each the proper emphasis. I'm not particularly applying this to your paragraph, but paragraphs like it in general. Trying to fit everything in often leads to complex sentences, often disorganized.

    There are a couple of solutions. One is to decrease the number of concepts. Decide which are the most important and drop the remainder. Another is to break one or more out and give them extra depth, but only if that makes it relevant and/or interesting, and not a dry information dump.

    In this case, impatient and frustrating are similar concepts, so you might consider dumping one of the two, or break them out into their own paragraph and enrich their presence.
    It’s funny how we can overlook things in our own writing. When I stand back and revisit this phrasing, it’s obvious why Grammarly picked it up. It’s not just the passive voice, but also the repetition: It was her...It was one… It’s not typical for me to be repetitive unless I’m doing it deliberately for emphasis, but that’s not the case here.

    I wouldn’t say that I was in a rush to get a list out. But, in this case, it would be just a fleeting thought that came into her mind and would have occurred in an instant. So I don’t feel any urge to give any extra depth. However, I like your idea of reorganizing the concepts in better order. For example:

    She was being serious; his dry humour was typical; She gets impatient with it; she changes the topic by flattering him and turning his head so she can kiss him; She hopes this will change the conversation; She is thinking, it is the only thing about him that frustrates her. Another version:

    Chenlie making light of it, when she was being serious made Sofia impatient. “Oh is that what it means? Well, I guess I don’t know enough about what you lawyer types do. But he seemed very smart. And very well-spoken. A lot like you darling.” She reached over and placed her hand lovingly on his chin, gently turning it so she could give him a peck on the lips, in an attempt to change the conversation. That dry sense of humour was the only thing that sometimes frustrated her about Chenlie.
    Still not perfect, but it makes better sense because that’s the order it would run in her thoughts. I also like the tone it adds to the dialogue, AND, it gets rid of the “Chenlie’s chin” problem...lol!

    Sometimes in the waves of change we find our new direction...
    - unknown

  8. #38
    I love grammarly. It's caught many a spelling and grammar error that I missed even after several passes at a story. Be sure that you don't trust it blindly, though; some of the suggestions are wrong, and others technically correct but sometimes not necessarily RIGHT.

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