I Thought You Were Dead


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  1. #1

    I Thought You Were Dead

    Author's Note: Hey, thanks for reading. Just read over this scene and tell me what this scene could use, may post more later.

    I Thought You Were Dead


    Scene 1:


    (Penelope enters from the door located up stage left, sheís on the phone. She enters with a bag and talking on the phone)

    Penelope: (Walking over to the counter and setting down the bag) It was a nice service mom. (Pause) I didnít realize how empty the house would be. He would always welcome me with a greeting that was bigger than the capacity for air in his lungs. Now itís quiet. I donít know what Iím gonna do mom, this house is too big for one person. (Pause) You always said it was too big for two people, but we were planning on having children. (Pause) No mom, Iím not going to move in with you- (Sheís interrupted by a slamming door, from upstairs, she pauses and waits for something) Listen, Iím gonna make dinner now. Goodnight, mom.

    (She walks over to the fridge,and starts to pulls something out, before she hears something)

    Arthur (off stage): HelloÖ

    Penelope: Thatís not funny. Iím not in the mood. Whoever you are, I am not in the mood.

    (She goes back to the fridge when she hears another ďHelloĒ this time even louder)

    Penelope (conít): Please, stop. Just stop that is-

    (Lights come up on Arthur sitting in an arm chair. Heís wearing a blue monochrome outfit)

    Arthur: Whatís for dinner?

    Penelope: Iím sorry, I-

    Arthur: Iím real.

    Penelope: You canít be.

    Arthur: Thatís just plain rude.

    Penelope: I buried you!

    Arthur: Yikes. Someone needs to learn some manners.

    Penelope: Youíre dead, youíre supposed to be dead.

    Arthur: Well, I am. I'm a ghost. Boo.

    Penelope: Maybe if I ate something, youíll go away.

    Arthur: You know in life, I might not have been a good cook but a spatula was never that scary.

    Penelope: Iím taking a page out of Scroogeís book-

    Arthur: He thought the ghost was a hallucination because of something he ate. Not because he was hungry.

    Penelope: Why are you contradicting everything Iím saying?

    Arthur: We always had that problem.

    Penelope: I just want you to go away.

    Arthur: Thatís just mean.

    Penelope: Iím trying to grieve you.

    Arthur: Most people would give the world for a second chance to speak to their dead spouse.

    Penelope: We werenít one the best of terms.

    Arthur: Are you seriously still mad about that?

    Penelope: Maybe I am.

    Arthur: So I got drunk-

    Penelope: You could barely walk, Arthur.

    Arthur: Will you let me finish? So I got drunk. I said some things that were hurtful.

    Penelope: You called me a barren skunk.

    Arthur: I was just upset. I really wanted to have kids.

    Penelope: And I did too. But I didnít call you names.

    Arthur: I know-

    Penelope: You donít think I felt guilty enough? I was the reason that we could never have children of our own. It was so important to you that we had our own biological children. I couldnít provide that, and you made me feel like that was my fault.

    Arthur: Well, maybe it was.

    Penelope: Pardon?

    Arthur: I donít know much about the afterlife, but Iím gonna ask the big man upstairs why you canít have children. I bet you did something to piss him off.

    Penelope: Thatís not fair.

    Arthur: What?

    Penelope: That is so not fair. What if you did something to piss him off?

    Arthur: Me?

    Penelope: Yes, you! It wasnít like I knew we couldnít have children before we got married. Everything worked just fine before I met you.

    Arthur: Or so you thought.

    Penelope: Whatever.

    Arthur: I really did want some kids.

    Penelope: There were plenty of other options.

    Arthur: Well, Iím a traditionalist.

    Penelope: You were.

    Arthur: What?

    Penelope: Youíre no longer a traditionalist because youíre dead.

    Arthur: Youíre right.

    Penelope: I know.

    Arthur: Were you always this pompous?

    Penelope: Excuse me?

    Arthur: ďI know?Ē Iím sorry, Iím the dead one here. Iím just trying to get used to it.

    Penelope: I am not pompous.

    Arthur: How long have I been dead? Because you werenít this arrogant when I was alive.

    Penelope: Maybe itís a part of the grieving process.

    Arthur: What stage are you on now? Did we go from denial all the way to Iím a jerk?

    Penelope: We all cope in different ways, I will not have a dead man tell me thatís wrong.

    Arthur: I would like a little say in how you grieve me.

    Penelope: Well, too bad.

    Arthur: Too bad?

    Penelope: Yeah

    Arthur: Thatís what you got for me?

    Penelope: I donít have to answer you.

    Arthur: Thatís nice. Thatís really nice.
    Penelope: I am really nice.

    Arthur: You were. (Pause) Remember when we passed by the lemonade stand and those kids hadnít sold anything. So, you decided to buy all of it, every single cup. You spent like forty bucks on lemonade.

    Penelope: It was good lemonade.

    Arthur: You didnít even like lemonade.

    Penelope: Well their faces are what sold me.

    Arthur: Thatís why I knew you would be a good mom.

    Penelope: I wanted it.

    Arthur: I know.

    Penelope: I just wanted you to know how much I wanted it. I was devastated when we got the news.

    Arthur: Iím sorry for what I said.

    Penelope: I know. I always knew.

    Arthur: Well, you hold a grudge.

    Penelope: I really do. (She pauses and gets up to go to the fridge) Can I get you- (She turns around to find him gone. Lights fade to black)

    Joseph S. Carlisle

  2. #2
    Hi there! I think this is decent work, a comedic piece with heart. I'm not too familiar with the art of script-writing; still, a few potential issues stood out for me...

    (Penelope enters from the door located up stage left, sheís on the phone. She enters with a bag and talking on the phone)
    Here, you give the same info twice (that she's on the phone)


    He would always welcome me with a greeting that was bigger than the capacity for air in his lungs.
    This sentence feels a little awkward - people don't usually employ elaborate metaphors in casual conversation.


    Penelope: We werenít one the best of terms.
    Should be 'on'.


    I hope that this is helpful.

    HJC
    My novels Hidden Content , Hidden Content and Hidden Content are available from Amazon

    Hidden Content Hidden Content Hidden Content

    You can find me on Twitter: Hidden Content

  3. #3
    The set-up is good, the title is excellent, the dialogue is mostly okay. However, I don't get the 'Scrooge/spatula' lines, or rather I do but I don't buy the reference in this context and I think Penelope accepts the situation too easily, a missed opportunity, t
    he exit line is another missed chance.

    It's difficult to say 'nothing happens' when you start off with a resurrection. You have a great storyline, which isn't exploited.


    Bottom line: This conversation could have taken place whilst Arthur was alive.

    Just saying... qwerty

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