Which of these loglines is better? - Page 4


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Thread: Which of these loglines is better?

  1. #31
    Oh well I guess if we are excluding being killed by the villains, then the stakes of not getting the revenge, would be the dissatisfaction of the villains not receiving any comeuppance for their crimes, which the main character cannot live with himself for, but is that enough of a stake? The villains would also go on to keep committing more of these crimes, until they are ever caught, the stake is to get revenge on them and stop them now, rather than wait for them to be caught several terrible crimes later, and the main character does not want people to become victims like he did. if that's a stake?

  2. #32
    Okay, based on what you've said, here's what I'd go with:

    After falling victim to a group of serial sex offenders, a vengeful police officer turns vigilante in his attempts to catch the gang before they strike again.

    Feel free tweak/dismiss/adjust as needed!

  3. #33
    Why spend 31 posts on a logline for a script which isn't completed?
    “Fools” said I, “You do not know
    Silence like a cancer grows
    Hear my words that I might teach you
    Take my arms that I might reach you”
    But my words like silent raindrops fell
    And echoed in the wells of silence : Simon & Garfunkel


    Those who enjoy stirring the chamber-pot should be required to lick the spoon.

    Our job as writers is to make readers dream, to infiltrate their minds with our words and create a new reality; a reality not theirs, and not ours, but a new, unique combination of both.

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  4. #34
    Oh well it's almost done so I thought I would ask about logline ideas in the meantime.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyle R View Post
    Okay, based on what you've said, here's what I'd go with:

    After falling victim to a group of serial sex offenders, a vengeful police officer turns vigilante in his attempts to catch the gang before they strike again.

    Feel free tweak/dismiss/adjust as needed!
    Oh okay thanks, for the suggestion! Do you think that I should not mention the witness then or other plot elements?

  5. #35
    Personally, I really like the second one. It gives us enough of the plot to be interested and makes it sound exciting.

  6. #36
    Quote Originally Posted by JosephSC View Post
    Personally, I really like the second one. It gives us enough of the plot to be interested and makes it sound exciting.
    Oh okay, thanks, do you mean this one?

    "A cop uses his police resources to seek revenge on a gang of serial rapists, after becoming their next victim, while risking his life, freedom, and marriage in the process."
    I was thinking about it, and maybe I gave away too much, cause the marriage part is only a subplot and does not take a whole lot of time in the plot. So will readers think it's a much bigger part of the story, and expect more from that, if I mention it?

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