Woman with a Chameleon's Face - Page 2


Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 15 of 15

Thread: Woman with a Chameleon's Face

  1. #11
    Hello Fireamajic and I am glad to see you post. I hope you are doing well. I understand and tomorrow I will try to introduce a conflict, an epiphany, closure and so on (show and not tell). I was given advice on how to critique. I was at my grandmother's house and couldn't get much done today. It;s a 2-hour car ride. I understand completely what you mean and was given guidelines on how to critique. I understand what you mean by the poem being chaotic since it masks my intent. I will try some more to polish it tomorrow. Thanks for giving your opinions and comments. I'll see if I can critique one more or two.
    I would follow as in believe in the words of good moral leaders. Rather than the beliefs of oneself.
    The most difficult thing for a writer to comprehend is to experience silence, so speak up. (quoted from a member)

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    The North
    Posts
    26
    Blog Entries
    4
    You’ve got a lot to say here but I would recommend using less words - make the style a little more spare. It’s almost prose. A more selective choice of words could make it more effective. Good work though.
    Last edited by Dylan di Vilde; March 10th, 2020 at 09:38 AM.
    Rescued from Oblivion all of my poems are now available in one big fat book. Buy it now at Hidden Content


  3. #13
    Glass, is this by any chance meant to be spoken word poetry or rap? I hear it in my head that way.

  4. #14
    Hello dylan di vilde. I agree with you dylan di vilde. I am currently working on a better version. Thanks for liking it. That means at least something worked such as maybe the ideas. I have only one book by john drury and I am reading it. It's not the book of terms. I was thinking of getting than when I can. I am using it to see if it inspires me. I might also search for the book called the poetry gymnasium which I think I have which has exercises to better write this. One of the advantages of using such a book is that it tells you what you need to do to research a poem (such as what the poem suggests as its messages). I need to simplify the syntax I suspect which I will check since I was given an answer yesterday by one of the mentors which suggests to use for example less adjectives. It sounds like a lot of work. But it is to learn more which is a lot of work. Also will work to make the images less abstract since: "the poem sounds almost like prose." Thanks for the comments. I agree with shortening the lines since they need to be sparse. Which I think makes it look like prose to people who read this.

    Hello Foxee: It was rhyming at the end of each line but I dont know if that counts as rap which I have little knowledge off. When read out loud for me it does not sound like rap to me (but that is just my opinion). Thanks for the comments.

    Will reciprocate when I can. I am going to eat lunch.
    Last edited by Theglasshouse; March 9th, 2020 at 08:09 PM.
    I would follow as in believe in the words of good moral leaders. Rather than the beliefs of oneself.
    The most difficult thing for a writer to comprehend is to experience silence, so speak up. (quoted from a member)

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Theglasshouse View Post
    Hello Foxee: It was rhyming at the end of each line but I dont know if that counts as rap which I have little knowledge off. When read out loud for me it does not sound like rap to me (but that is just my opinion). Thanks for the comments.
    I think the spoken word poetry fits better than the idea of rap, really. Or it might if you wanted to push it that way. Lots of examples on the web, I imagine.

    Great word pictures in several of these lines.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.