-gee- 250 words


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Thread: -gee- 250 words

  1. #1

    -gee- 250 words

    250 word exact micro.
    rip it up, please.
    and thanks.



    -gee- 250 words

    "I got it! I got it!" he yells over his shoulder, crashing through the underbrush. Where did that frisbee go?

    "Yo, come take a look at this. I think a routing error just spit your query result at me."

    "Nope. Not mine."

    "You're sure? Couldn't be misinterpretation or break out of some kind?"

    "Nope. No part of that's my dataset."

    "What's protocol? I mean, in the virtual ton of documentation surrounding this project, I can't fit this to any obvious control. Scrum call?"

    "Hmmmmm. Yeah, I can back you on that."

    "Not gonna’ go over well. Are you at a place where you can step away for an unspecified duration?"

    "Presentations tomorrow, but if there's a breach, or an inherent incompatibility...yeah, maybe that last incremental migration. Maybe it wasn't as seamless as A team led us to believe."

    "Alright. Fifteen. Notifying noo...You shoot the Scrum and get over here, now! I'm outputting to printer...."

    Steven Bersta disintegrate
    disappear 06/15/1998
    gapstone bridge
    40°46'01.0"N 73°58'25.2"W
    genetic anomaly living
    R1b/Hg1/Eu18
    output file sb.txt

    test
    "... that fine historian who said any group, any race, any world that did not run to seize the future and shape it was doomed to dust away to the grave, in the past <snip> who proposed that civilisation must respond to a challenge in order to flourish. "
    end

    do not agitate
    language patience
    influence unstable
    material
    system use
    not of system
    report
    nuance
    field flux
    we nuance
    no estwald
    we nuance
    we report


    “Now! Get someone now!”
    " I like it, but I don’t get it." - Megan WF April LM Challenge

    "Hereby copyright for all things Xonian and Xxildurim is transferred to one named -xXx-" - Mish The Question Game 2458

    i wrote this:
    Hidden Content
    Hidden Content
    and
    coming soon to a publication near you
    Hidden Content

  2. #2
    Well I'm a fan of your experimentalism so I shan't be ripping up anything Even from this small piece I get a sense of escalating techno-panic, the sort that says: at best you've got 18 months of damage control on this project, at worst you're looking at a rip into a malevolent dimension. I dunno why - well, actually I do - but this reminds me of the opening sequence of one of those Half-Life games from the 90s. I am very curious as to what happened.


    Hidden Content Monthly Fiction Challenge


    The first cut don't hurt at all
    The second only makes you wonder
    The third will have you on your knee
    s
    - Propaganda, "Duel"

    *

    Is this fire, or is this mask?
    It's the Mantasy!
    - Anonymous








  3. #3
    I just want to let you know I read this and I'll be back to go over it again as I think your pieces are good for a couple of readings to digest them. So far I like it, though, great gear-changes from the frisbee to the tech guys to the history to the general panic that almost goes to poetry.

    You need to insert an apostrophe to make "Presentation's tomorrow" correct but other than that I didn't spot nits yet.

  4. #4
    Great work! What you write makes me re-evaluate my own approach to writing.

    Approach scanned:

    Patterns detected, reassembled
    Perceptions reappraised, discarded
    Innovations imported
    Re-balance <in progress...>
    I threw a glance at humankind and saw them treacherous and feeble.
    Severe judges, cruel, unkind and fools who are always close to evil.
    Before their frightful, anxious mob, indifferent hate forever rages.
    Not learnt the lessons from the ages!
    What use are wise and tempered words?
    "Sometime, in my sweet blindness" - Pushkin

  5. #5
    Just gave it another read-through as promised, again with the feeling that maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am because I can't say I totally understand every word of this. However! I feel like the characters DO know their subject matter and they're just talking over my head in their jargon, which I kinda like. Generally that doesn't worry me because I feel like I'll catch up eventually.

    Like the other story you showed me, you're really successful at getting emotion of the piece across to the reader. The shift from the lighthearted frisbee chase through the cool-and-calm apparent-scientists or codebuilders or or researchers through the escalating concern to panic is good. That progression practically IS the story for me.

    I have to admit it makes me curious about the bigger story surrounding this moment.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Foxee View Post
    Just gave it another read-through as promised, again with the feeling that maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am because I can't say I totally understand every word of this. However! I feel like the characters DO know their subject matter and they're just talking over my head in their jargon,
    My 2 cents regarding the jargon:

    Scrum=agile process framework for managing complex knowledge work, with an initial emphasis on software development. (Basically related to project management of software development)
    Routing error=usually related to network error/anomalies in network traffic. (though in this case it's most likely a data retrieval error)
    Query=code run to execute commands or retrieve data.
    Dataset=A set of data retrieved from a database.
    Steven Bersta disintegrate=I'm guessing a medical test subject who disappeared in 06/15/1998
    R1b/Hg1/Eu18=His blood type
    do not agitate language patience influence unstable=I'm guessing instructions on how to deal with the test subject if sighted.

    What I like the most about this piece is how it sets the mood for the coming story.
    Last edited by Mish; March 2nd, 2020 at 05:19 AM.
    I threw a glance at humankind and saw them treacherous and feeble.
    Severe judges, cruel, unkind and fools who are always close to evil.
    Before their frightful, anxious mob, indifferent hate forever rages.
    Not learnt the lessons from the ages!
    What use are wise and tempered words?
    "Sometime, in my sweet blindness" - Pushkin

  7. #7
    reminds me of Gibson

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