My big toes hurt, for I have the gout.


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Thread: My big toes hurt, for I have the gout.

  1. #1

    My big toes hurt, for I have the gout.



    Why did it happen - am I that stout?
    Is it my diet that this is about?


    One doctor tells me: avoid food that’s red;
    another one said I should take to my bed.
    ‘No more asparagus - put down that wine.’
    They think, if they starve me, then I will be fine.


    You may laugh at these verses, but all this is true,
    and my mood - well it’s turned to the darkest of blue.


    Should you look for a moral? Should I look for a cure?
    Only one thing is depressingly sure -
    My big toes still hurt, for I have the gout.
    AND NO I WON’T STOP IT, THIS SO ANGRY SHOUT!

  2. #2
    That's painful. the draconian measures to get rid of it are even worse. No red meat, no alcohol, no chocolate, no salt. And that doesn't even cure it.

    The line structure is a bit forced here and there, because of the rhyme, but yeah I get it. It's an angry shout.
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  3. #3
    And taking cortisone keeps you awake all night too!

  4. #4
    I love this! Never met a person with gout who wasn't irked about it and the cures for it.

  5. #5
    Oh, I know how you feel, I get gout too. Touch wood, it's been quite dormant for a while Excellent poem!

  6. #6
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    Allopurinol is your friend. Ask your doctor about it. Seriously changed my life.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

  7. #7
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    I knowthis is more about expressing your emotions rather than structure but I thinkyou need a better final line - somethingabout Shouting it out / letting it out ?



  8. #8
    Thank you Dylan.
    Though it’s a fun verse, I did put this up on a page that expects crits, so you are right. The structure does matter, and yes, the scansion and resolution of the last line is weak. Not at all ‘emotion recollected in tranquillity’. Will be revised.

  9. #9
    I heard cherry juice is good for it. I don't know, though. Anyway... Feel better.
    Sometimes, I wrestle with my demons. Other times, we just snuggle.

  10. #10
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    Hope you feel better.

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