Surfing Xinyu Dai


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  1. #1

    Surfing Xinyu Dai

    .
    (revision 2)

    This is not a poem,
    this is an alfalfa sprout.
    It would have been a poem
    but God is surfing on Xinyu Dai*
    due to bad publicity
    from His new Attorney General.

    There was a cave
    when words meant things,
    like “woof”
    or “chrysanthemum”
    and given that nothing is free
    or even complimentary

    nostalgia ain't ... as they say,

    so I go, like
    Whatever,
    and you go, you know
    So Awesome, so

    in verbose aftermath
    we swallow profundity,
    a gobbledy-goop,
    noble-none-such soup

    yada, yada
    blah-blah-blah
    till your hair turns blue
    and your chair fuzzy corndogs.

    Nome sane?


    (revised)

    This is not a poem,
    this is an alfalfa sprout.
    It would have been a poem
    but God is surfing on Xinyu Dai*
    due to bad publicity
    by His new Attorney General.

    There was a cave
    when words meant things,
    like “woof”
    or “chrysanthemum”
    and given that nothing is free
    or even complimentary

    but nostalgia ... as they say,

    so I go, like
    Whatever,
    and you go, you know
    So Awesome, so

    in verbose aftermath
    we swallow shallow profundity,
    a gobbledy-goop,
    noble-none-such soup

    yada, yada
    blah blah blah
    your hair turns blue
    your chair fuzzy corndogs.

    Nome sane?


    (original)

    This is not a poem,
    this is an alfalfa sprout.
    It would have been a poem
    but God is surfing Xinyu Dai*
    due to bad publicity
    by His new Attorney General.

    There was a cave
    when words meant things,
    like “woof”
    or “chrysanthemum”
    and given that nothing is free
    or even complimentary

    but nostalgia ... as they say,

    so I go, like
    Whatever,
    and you go, you know,
    Awesome, so

    in verbose aftermath
    we swallow shallow profundity,
    a gobbledy-goop,
    noble-none-such soup

    yada, yada
    blah blah blah
    your hair turns blue
    chair upside fuzzy corndogs,

    Nome sane?


    *Xinyu Dai is an associate professor at the University of Oklahoma who headed a group credited for discovering what is possibly the most distant cluster of planets from Earth ever found, using a new technique of quasar microlensing to probe extragalactic systems. Previously, it was not possible to find planets in galaxies beyond the Milky Way.
    Last edited by TL Murphy; February 17th, 2020 at 10:42 PM.

  2. #2
    I won't reply to your no-poem, because I've no idea what you're saying.
    Only this: 'free' and 'complimentary' are very abstract.

  3. #3
    Free” would be abstract if it referred to “freedom” but here it refers to “no cost” which is more concrete. “Complimentary” means freely given. It is a bit abstract but in the context it is supported by “free.” But both words could mean many things. I guess the point is that we take meaning for granted. We expect it to be free. It isn’t.

  4. #4

  5. #5
    What the poem for me mostly feels like, is the quasi-deep conversations about any topic. How people become bombastic, use jargon to hide behind.
    Maybe that is not the intention of the poem, but I have been reading it like that in the original, and now in the revision.

  6. #6
    Tim

    I like this; but would cut 'shallow'. There may be a less judgemental word that would substitute; or perhaps it could simply be omitted.
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  7. #7
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    Owing to not due to.
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Bloggsworth View Post
    Owing to not due to.
    It’s a poem, not an essay. “Due to” sounds better.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Pulse View Post
    Tim

    I like this; but would cut 'shallow'. There may be a less judgemental word that would substitute; or perhaps it could simply be omitted.

    Good point. I rolls better without ‘shallow’. But I like the rhyme with ‘swallow’. I’m thinking...

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by TL Murphy View Post
    .
    (revised)

    This is not a poem,
    this is an alfalfa sprout.
    It would have been a poem
    but God is surfing on Xinyu Dai*
    due to bad publicity
    by His new Attorney General.

    There was a cave
    when words meant things,
    like “woof”
    or “chrysanthemum”
    and given that nothing is free
    or even complimentary

    but nostalgia ... as they say,

    so I go, like
    Whatever,
    and you go, you know
    So Awesome, so

    in verbose aftermath
    we swallow shallow profundity,
    a gobbledy-goop,
    noble-none-such soup

    yada, yada
    blah blah blah
    your hair turns blue
    your chair fuzzy corndogs.

    Nome sane?


    .
    This is not an alfalfa sprout, but as you yourself admit, a poem - and a very enjoyable one too.

    I personally would have started it at: God is surfing...
    The Plato cave reference is telling, as are the echoes of Eliot in ‘so I go like... and you go.’

    I think ‘yada yada’ is sufficient - ‘blah blah blah’ too much.

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