Revised
We flirt away hours
pretending desire can wait
the wine bottle stands empty
but the sun is seductive
as breath on skin
the blanket offers illusions
of secret seclusion
Urgently I press my softness
against your reservation
Later you'll say I seduced you
and I'll blame it on the wine...
Hullo again Firemajic! And yes, again a poem definitely in there.
But this newbie is now puzzled about some of the posting etiquette around here. The thread is headed by your original, but now you have posted Revision 1 within a response in this thread and not as a new thread. As this is a very young thread, people are still eyeing it off, and if they don’t read all the comments they will concentrate on your first version. Isn’t this a little misleading?
And because it is so young, with the possibility of more comments coming, is it not too early to post a revision? Some say a revision should hold back for quite some time.
**** I assume that anyone reading, will start with the poem and then read all of the responses... I want to show how the critiques are used and how I edited the poem...
If more critiques come in, and I feel another edit is needed, I will do that... my poems are and will always be a WIP...
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’my softness against your reservation’ - the sort of euphemism one finds in the True Love category of Romance?
OUCH!!! lol.... well I am not a fan of Romance Novels....and do not read them, but maybe I should...

Thank you for your critique, I will think about every suggestion, you made some valid points...
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