January Blues


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Thread: January Blues

  1. #1

    January Blues

    January boredom,
    January funk,
    January doldrums,
    January slump.

    January tedium,
    January gloom,
    January listlessness,
    January mood.

  2. #2
    This feels more like a writing exercise than a poem. Fill in the January __________ with an adjective.

    As a reader I might be a bit unrealistic in expecting a poem to have a little something more...less worksheet. As such with only a proper noun and a surfeit of adjectives, it is difficult to offer a constructive suggestion when there is no wiggle room within the piece.

    To be blunt, clip all but the last line.

    January's mood...

    Just let it stand, allow the impact to pool in that line, the reader will fill in the rest. Saying without saying. Weather becomes the face of the emotion.

    - D.


  3. #3
    fair comment - thank you

  4. #4
    Fair comment(s). I like it. Keep it and expound on new page. I'd read it if it were in a book (with others). Tedium added is great. Listlessness is generally accompanied by boredom, no? I like the word listlessness. It's very sibilant, almost too much. Thanks for sharing. Hope the blues subside. Best, W

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by bluemidget View Post
    January boredom,
    January funk,
    January doldrums,
    January slump.

    January tedium,
    January gloom,
    January listlessness,
    January mood.
    The sharp brevity of this poem concentrates the mind on every word. The mood deepens with each line, accentuating the truth about those 'winter blues' - how it's impossible to summon the energy for anything.

    Ten out of ten for creating a mood in so few words - like a rebuke communicated with a mere glance.

    Stay strong - we have brexit to look forward to soon.

    jen

  6. #6
    Hi Jen, thank you for the comments he he, yes the 'B' word is just around the corner isn't it?? loins are being girded as we speak

  7. #7
    Hi Space Cadet, thank you for the comments he he, the blues are definitely on the way out!

  8. #8
    It's about time someone remembered that this stuff does not exist in a vacuum.
    One of our ancients did the following almost a couple of hundred years ago:



    November

    No sun - no moon!
    No morn - no noon -
    No dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day.

    No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
    No comfortable feel in any member -
    No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
    No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds! -
    November!

    There's a bit of difference in old Tom's treatment don't you think? A sense of development of the theme which is not there in the January
    piece.

    If the idea still resonates, maybe it needs a new start.

  9. #9
    Hi Tirralirra, thanks for the comments. You've given me a lot to think about

  10. #10
    Could I just say a HUGE thank you to all who have taken the time to read January Blues so far, and especially to those who have left comments. It is very much appreciated and very helpful. I started to get into poetry last year after going to see a couple of poets perform live. My offerings here will be pretty amateur but I do hope to improve. Thank you again.

    Neil.

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