All and None


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Thread: All and None

  1. #1
    Member Scr1pter's Avatar
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    Smile All and None

    I am all of that, yet I am none
    I’ve seen your prospective and all others
    I’ve added in sum
    subtracted found common factors
    heard all of the songs sung
    took parallel pieces
    seen aunts uncles nieces
    the old and the young
    studied stories, read history
    and from which they come from
    I’ve lived it, eye scene it
    breath air in my lungs.
    As below so above never ending it runs
    seeing just how its written that God is just love.

  2. #2
    You write musically, which I like a lot, I also like how your end-rhymes aren't forced, and how they run through the whole poem (none, sum, song, young, from, lungs, runs)

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darren White View Post
    You write musically, which I like a lot, I also like how your end-rhymes aren't forced, and how they run through the whole poem (none, sum, song, young, from, lungs, runs)
    Hello Darren, I am glad you like it. I do really enjoy writing, and yes I do often do an abstract form of hip hop and record it. I would like to eventually become a rapper. Most of my stuff is closer to spoken word with a mix of hip hop. I still need a lot of work vocally. I keep working at it. Thanks again brother.

  4. #4
    Hi Scr1pter. I like this. I think it could be a larger piece. I think you shared some music before, which I remember listening too a few times and provided feedback per request. I think you have great words, and although vocalists always say they need to work on their voice, they usually sound better than they think. I thought the rapping was good. Thank you for sharing.

    I see this as a great set-up verse explaining where you're about to head. The first verse of a larger piece, possibly three to four paragraphs. But I read it again and it actually could be middle or ending, just don't break it up. The rhyming is superb and you definitely have some great rhymes and skills writing with music. It's hard to write for music. I enjoy it, but it can be hard at first. I think these are great lyrics for rap or ANY art, for that matter, but they are read best fast, that's my opinion. I could be biased in a way, after hearing music of yours already, because since I've heard you rap, I feel this would be a great rap verse. Is this you or am I getting you confused with someone else? With that said, I'll end it there -- I've got to break and eat something. Scr1pter, you're fun to read. Keep sharing. I enjoy reading and listening to your work. - Wesley

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