Chongyang


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Thread: Chongyang

  1. #1

    Chongyang

    Chongyang (Double Ninth Festival )

    October, 2019


    All mountains are full of wind and rain in Chongyang,
    I am far away from home, and the road is long.
    Into my ears the sad geese sound high,
    And into my eyes all are dreary sights,
    With my aspirations, my pride will never disappear,
    Although I haven’t made myself to succeed here,
    I will work harder in this golden autumn,
    Next year, wearing a dragon robe I return home.



    I wrote this in Chinese first and translated it into English.

    Introduction about “Double Ninth Festival (Chongyang Festival) quoted from the internet:
    Chongyang Festival
    "Double Ninth Festival, also Senior’s Day, falls on October 25, 2020. On this day, people climb mountains and admire chrysanthemums. There is no holiday for this traditional festival. Held on the 9th day of the 9th lunar month, Double Ninth Festival is also called Chongyang Festival. In Chinese, nine is regarded as the number of Yang (which means masculine as opposed to Yin which is feminine). The ninth day of the ninth month is the day that has two Yang numbers, and 'chong' in Chinese means double which is how the name Chongyang was created. It is a day for people to eat Chongyang cake, drink chrysanthemum wine, climb mountains, and pay homage to chrysanthemums.”
    Call for submissions Hidden Content


    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  2. #2
    I love this xiaoman. It reminds me of work by a 13th century Mandarin poet, Ma Zhiyuan:

    Cooten lawsoo hunya………….Withered ivy round an old oak tree with a dozing crow
    Shawchaw liushway pinsa…..Small bridge above flowing water and flat sand
    Goodow sheefung sowmaa...An ancient road with the chilly West wind hosts a skinny horse
    Sheeyang sheeshar …………. The setting sun goes down in the West
    Dwanchanjen tsaitienyjar…...Over a heart-broken person in a remote foreign land

    In your translation, where you say 'Although I haven’t made myself to succeed here, ' you could consider either deleting the 'to', or changing 'made' to 'forced'; it would sound more fluent.
    Kind regards,
    Hidden Content Katrina
    Hidden Content
    Choreographing Calligraphy


  3. #3
    Xiaoman, try it without line 5. The poem does not fundamentally change except that less about of the speaker is explained.

  4. #4
    hello - fantastic poem I enjoyed reading -
    one thing -
    onto my eyes all are dreary sights =
    all are dreary sights unto my eyes -
    maybe....?
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  5. #5
    Chongyang (Double Ninth Festival )

    October, 2019


    All mountains are full of wind and rain in Chongyang,
    I am far away from home, and the road is long.
    Into my ears the sad geese sound high,
    All are dreary sights onto my eyes,
    With my aspirations, my pride will never disappear,
    Although I haven’t forced myself to succeed here,
    I will work harder in this golden autumn,
    Next year, wearing a dragon robe I return home.

    (since it’s a translation, I will keep line 5 for the time being ,thank you Fire ; Pulse; TL Murphy and Ned for your comments! )
    Call for submissions Hidden Content


    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by xiaoman View Post
    Chongyang (Double Ninth Festival )

    October, 2019


    All mountains are full of wind and rain in Chongyang,
    I am far away from home, and the road is long.
    Into my ears the sad geese sound high,
    And into my eyes all are dreary sights,
    With my aspirations, my pride will never disappear,
    Although I haven’t made myself to succeed here,
    I will work harder in this golden autumn,
    Next year, wearing a dragon robe I return home.



    I wrote this in Chinese first and translated it into English.

    Introduction about “Double Ninth Festival (Chongyang Festival) quoted from the internet:
    Chongyang Festival
    "Double Ninth Festival, also Senior’s Day, falls on October 25, 2020. On this day, people climb mountains and admire chrysanthemums. There is no holiday for this traditional festival. Held on the 9th day of the 9th lunar month, Double Ninth Festival is also called Chongyang Festival. In Chinese, nine is regarded as the number of Yang (which means masculine as opposed to Yin which is feminine). The ninth day of the ninth month is the day that has two Yang numbers, and 'chong' in Chinese means double which is how the name Chongyang was created. It is a day for people to eat Chongyang cake, drink chrysanthemum wine, climb mountains, and pay homage to chrysanthemums.”
    Xiaoman, hullo again.

    This time I thought I’d try a few comments on your very lovely little piece. I’ll approach it as I would one written in the Western tradition. To me, this means being very specific.

    In Line 1 I would say ‘The mountains...’ In this usage ‘the’ in fact means ‘all’, but has a more concrete feel.
    In Lines 3 and 4 you have reversed the usual word order, and it seems a little strained.
    I would prefer something like:
    ’the geese flying high sound sad to me,
    and all things look dreary.’

    Lines 5,6 and 7 seem to take a lot of space to express the central thought - would two lines do:
    ’failure will not deter me
    from working harder in this golden autumn’

    I like the dragon robe of victory!

    My comments may not resonate with you, and of course your words are yours to do with as you will.

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