Grandpa's Farm


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  1. #1

    Grandpa's Farm

    I saw the wiring challenge topic was Scarecrow. I intended to write a short story for that but I went over the word count. I didn't really want to take anything out so I am going to post it on here. I wanted to do that anyway so I can get feedback. This is the first horror movie that I attempted. I hope you all enjoy it.



    GRANDPA’S FARM
    Kyle had always hated coming to his grandfather's farm. It wasn’t waking up at four in the morning to do chores that he disliked. No it was his grandfather that he hated to visit. The man was gruff,cold, and unfeeling. He hadn’t always been that way. Some of Kyle’s earliest and happy childhood memories playing games with the man he called Papa Joe. Of course that was when his grandmother was still alive. Papa Joe changed a good deal after she died. No died was not the right word. The loving woman who never had a bad word for anyone had been murdered. And in a very gruesome way. Her body was found in the field decapitated, her stomach torn open. That kind of death was sure to affect the victim’s loved ones. Kyle was too young to be told the horrible details, he only learned about them a few years ago. Kyle’s grandmothers was not the only death to visit the farm. From time to time he or his grandfather would come across the mutilated body of a cow or chicken. The police blamed wild dogs but that did not explain what happened to Grandma Rose whose killer had yet to be caught. Kyle and his grandfather both knew something sinister was at work. Kyle’s mother had tried to get he father to sell the wicked place but the man was stubborn and refuse. In the end Kyle’s parents would not let the child visit the farm and that suited the child just fine.

    Kyle had decided to take one last look at the place he had loathed for so long while his parents were in the house tending to affairs. His wanderings took him to the main field. The ground was bare but of course being winter that made perfect sense. But that didn’t mean the plot of land was empty. In the middle of the field mounted on a pole stood a scarecrow. Kyle had always shied away from that thing. It had always frightened him. In pretty much every way it was typical of other farm scarecrows. It was made of yellow burlap,stuffed with straw, and wore a blue plaid shirt and overalls. What unsettled Kyle was the face. It had blood red eyes painted on with a sewn on smile that would look more at home on a creepy clown that you saw in horror movies. Even though he was nineteen the scarecrow still scared him. Childhood fears died hard. As a youth he could do nothing about it, but now he could. With slow uneasy steps the young man walked up to the scarecrow. His courage growing with step towards the dreaded figure. Once he was standing in front of his inanimate foe he reached up and tried to pull it down. But the metal wire held it firm in place. Even the straw seemed undisturbed. In frustration Kyle began to punch the burlap body. He knew the thing was immune to his attack but it made him feel better. The sound of deep laughter stopped Kyle cold. The confuses boy looked around for the source of the sound but saw nothing. He was about to discount it was a work of his over active imagination and resume trying to pull the scarecrow down when a sharp pain ripped through his stomach. Looking down Kyle’s eyes went wide as he saw his shirt had been torn open and blood freely pouring from a vicious wound. The pain must have been playing tricks on thee wounded man’s mind because he thought he saw the scarecrow’s right hand lash out. Then came the blinding pain in the panicked lad’s neck. Reaching up Kyle put his hands over his throat and felt blood flowing through his fingers. Kyle dropped to his knees then fell face down on the ground. The last thing he heard was a deep mocking laughter.

  2. #2
    You did a good job of compressing a big story into a small package.
    The story holds promise, and was a good bit of practice.
    You should proof stories a bit more before you post 'em tho.
    Never show anyone your work until it is as refined as you can get it. Errors tend to detract from the story.

    Keep up the practice.

  3. #3
    Thank you for the feed back. Editing is my weakest part. I don't know much about grammar and punctuation. That's why I post to get better at it. I plan on taking writing classes next year.

  4. #4
    Global Moderator J.T. Chris's Avatar
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  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Zander Willmore View Post
    Thank you for the feed back. Editing is my weakest part. I don't know much about grammar and punctuation. That's why I post to get better at it. I plan on taking writing classes next year.

    The first 200,000 words are just practice.

  6. #6
    Zander -

    This was a great burst story (I really enjoyed it)... it started a little slow and like Ralph said “errors tend to distract” so I didn’t feel like I was sucked in until Kyle was out in the field. I understand you aren’t very good with grammar so I figured I would tell you what helps me... reading my works out loud to someone else. Anyways keep it up and keep posting as the more you write and read the better you’ll get!!

  7. #7
    Does anyone know any websites that might be able to give good tips or help me with grammar and punctuation? Also I want to thank you guys for not only giving me feed back but for giving me tips on how to make things a little better.

  8. #8
    The story has potential. You were already informed about the grammar issues, so no need to address that. What's missing here is substance. You touch on the fact Kyle's grandfather wasn't a very good guy. And you imply that he he might have murdered his wife, then retract that with evidence of mutilated animals. So, we've established that Grandpa is an evil person, so much so that he might have murdered his wife and possibly others.

    Then we shift to the present where an Evil Scarecrow sits atop a post and suddenly our protagonist is struck down by something paranormal, evil, Grandpa?

    The substance you need is what is going to pull these two pieces of the story together. As a writer you need to be more intimate with your characters and be careful moving from third person narrator into the head of your protagonist. It gets blurry. what with shifting POV.

    Example: The confuses boy looked around for the source of the sound but saw nothing. He was about to discount it was a work of his over active imagination and resume trying to pull the scarecrow down when a sharp pain ripped through his stomach.< ---Pick a point of view and stick to it. If you're in Kyle's head, then pick calling him one thing. If you flip between by, lad, and Kyle, you are going to annoy the reader. Looking down Kyle’s eyes went wide as he saw his shirt had been torn open and blood freely pouring from a vicious wound. The pain must have been playing tricks on thee wounded man’s mind because he thought he saw the scarecrow’s right hand lash out. Again, is he a boy or man? Then came the blinding pain in the panicked lad’s neck. Reaching up Kyle put his hands over his throat and felt blood flowing through his fingers. Kyle dropped to his knees then fell face down on the ground. The last thing he heard was a deep mocking laughter. Kyle, he, or him.

    Your story needs more depth, a bit more about the characters. You just got me interest about Grandma being decapitated and you move off of the subject.

    A thing about grammar. You asked where you can learn about grammar. Well, here at WF, for starters but there are plenty of free resources on the web. Use your spell check and don't just fire story out. Write it, let it rest, then go back and start looking for ways to polish it. Clear up the grammar issues. Look for plot holes, dead ends, edit, and you can even ask a review, but do your best to make sure the work isn't awkward illegible.

    Final words. Writing is hard work. It can be tedious and frustrating. Criticism comes with the territory. So, thicken your skin, but keep striving to improve and you will. I am not university educated, never took a writing course, don't have a Master of Fine Arts or a literary degree. I came here some years ago, I listened and learned, and since I have written four novels of which two are set to be released in the first quarter of 2020. I'm working on a fifth. I have a publishing contract. So, there's hope.

    Keep writing and start reading. A good exercise is to pick a book or a story you've read and enjoyed. Look at the structure of the sentences, the paragraphs. Then look at the characterization. The backdrop. The substance that ties one paragraph to the next and inevitably the whole story together.
    MJ Preston is an Author and Artist at Large who hails from Canada.
    He is the author of the novels: THE EQUINOX, ACADIA EVENT, HIGHWAYMAN Book One, and numerous short stories and articles.Hidden Content To learn more: visit: Hidden Content Hidden Content
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  9. #9
    First off, good job. Its a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. You laid the grown work for something you could REALLY expand upon. Since you went over the word count in the first place, why not give it more? I would want to know more about the relationship between the Grand father and the Scarecrow. Could it be a harvest/ritual sacrifice that has to happen? Maybe the grandfather is successful and paid of the local police. Maybe grandma new the truth about the Scarecrow and wanted to expose her husband. These are all the things that ran through my imagination as i read the story. Maybe even give the Scarecrow a name. there is a lot more that could be added to this, i think. I hope this is helpful

  10. #10
    I agree with Dethhead, if you've already went over the word count, let's expand and build on the story. I can help with grammar and punctuation.

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