Is this Excerpt Grammatically Acceptable?


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Thread: Is this Excerpt Grammatically Acceptable?

  1. #1

    Is this Excerpt Grammatically Acceptable?

    Dear Writers,

    Can you tell me if the following excerpt is free from grammatical errors:


    Tito suffered from a health condition called chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, for over a decade. Because of CFS he had to abandon his teaching profession, became an assistant to a senior with muscular dystrophy for eight long years, always ran out of energy throughout the day, resorted to naps to help him get through the day, slept more than nine hours daily, and waked late in the morning. Since CFS patients showed no outward signs of sickness, CFS has confounded conventional doctors on how to treat it, and the public hardly believe CFS is a genuine health condition.

    Tito who had never inwardly bowed his head in defeat to CFS, nor lost hope in getting better, was eager for a cure, and used his spare time to explore the Internet for a potential cure.


    Thanks for your input.

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Jorge View Post
    Dear Writers,

    Can you tell me if the following excerpt is free from grammatical errors:


    Tito suffered from a health condition called chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, for over a decade. Because of CFS he had to abandon his teaching profession, became an assistant to a senior with muscular dystrophy for eight long years, always ran out of energy throughout the day, resorted to naps to help him get through the day, slept more than nine hours daily, and waked late in the morning. Since CFS patients showed no outward signs of sickness, CFS has confounded conventional doctors on how to treat it, and the public hardly believe CFS is a genuine health condition.


    Tito who had never inwardly bowed his head in defeat to CFS, nor lost hope in getting better, was eager for a cure, and used his spare time to explore the Internet for a potential cure.


    Thanks for your input.

    Woke
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  3. #3
    Hi Jorge. Punctuation and grammar can be a personal choice to some extent. The basic reason for grammar is to make the piece understandable and clear and I've rewritten your short excerpt with some changes that I think help to clarify your meaning. See what you think...




    Tito suffered from a health condition called chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, for over a decade and, because of it, had to abandon the teaching profession. He became an assistant to a Senior with muscular dystrophy for eight long years but he always ran out of energy throughout the day and resorted to naps to help him get through. He slept more than nine hours every night and woke late in the morning.

    Since CFS patients show no outward signs of sickness, CFS has confounded conventional doctors on how to treat it and the public hardly believe it to be a genuine health condition.
    Tito, who had never inwardly bowed his head in defeat to CFS, nor lost hope in getting better, was eager for help and used his spare time to explore the Internet for a potential cure.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Jorge View Post
    Dear Writers,

    Can you tell me if the following excerpt is free from grammatical errors:
    It is not. Mistakes like "waked" and "showed" worry me. Maybe you need an editor?
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  5. #5
    Others have addressed the grammar issues. I would also add that some choose to omit the comma prior to the last item on a list. However, it's not wrong to use one - I believe it's known as an Oxford comma.

    Although you don't ask about the writing style, I believe there would be a lot of benefit in shortening some of the sentences; some readers might feel fatigued reading about CFS. Seriously, if it's a longer piece and this is the general style, some readers will tire of it quite quickly. Alternating long and short sentences can help with readability.


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