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  1. #11
    Member Rojack79's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Umree View Post
    Having someone to talk to definitely helps keep me together.
    Honestly that's why I talk here. I can't really talk to my parents about my writing except to update them every now and then. I know I can make it work and hopefully I can find a writing job. But until then I'll just settle for what I have right now and get what I can done.
    This might not be my best work but that just means there's room to improve.

    I don't have a big ego. You just can't comprehend my greatness!

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Rojack79 View Post
    So I've got to ask all of you how exactly did your parents react when you all told them that you wanted to become a writer?
    I never told them a damned thing about anything meaningful. I used to keep a diary. One day it was discovered. I was badgered to give permission for my father to read it and, apparently, I kept giving the wrong answer. The funny thing is that I can't remember for sure how it all ended up, but I know there was trauma for days over my refusal. I think that was the time when I found the paracetemol and they wondered why I was a bit sick.

    I never wrote again unless I could keep it safe at school or at a friend's house.

    If I had said to my mother that I wanted to be a writer she would have found everything negative about it. She wasn't the Devil's Advocate, she was Satan himself.

    Perversely, such attitudes have given me plenty to write about.


  3. #13
    Member Umree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rojack79 View Post
    Honestly that's why I talk here. I can't really talk to my parents about my writing except to update them every now and then. I know I can make it work and hopefully I can find a writing job. But until then I'll just settle for what I have right now and get what I can done.
    The WF community is great, I honestly feel like having a writer community to discuss the process and the life with will be instrumental in getting me to where I want to be as an artist. Counseling is different though, a competent counselor can teach you how to help yourself through difficult times. They can teach you techniques on how to stay focused, ease anxiety, and maintain a positive attitude. There is a stigma associated with therapy that suggests those who seek it are weak or somehow inept. This isn't true, there's no shame in seeking help if you need it --especially if the help is geared toward improving you as a person and making your life more enjoyable. Just something to consider. I hope that you can find a way out of the woods soon and get to the place you want to be.

  4. #14
    Sometimes adulting just sucks. Good luck!
    Last edited by Ma'am; September 18th, 2019 at 01:22 AM.

  5. #15
    Wɾʇ∩9 bdcharles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rojack79 View Post
    So I've got to ask all of you how exactly did your parents react when you all told them that you wanted to become a writer?

    For most I suspect they were gleeful and overjoyed to see there son/daughter finally find something that made them happy. For some they probably weren't to pleased with your choice of profession. For me my parents seem to be in the middle, leaning more towards upset to just plain preachy

    ...

    I now work from 11 to 7:30 five days a week. Which is great. I get paid well and everything is looking up. But I still feel the pull of writing tugging on me and while I would like to pursue this dream I feel like life is just going to pull the rug out from under me.

    Now i know I have what it takes to be a prolific writer. I know I can be great at this. My main problem is the fact that whenever I bring it up my parents love to say "well you had all the time in the world to do this year's ago." Yeah sure amidst all that drama and me wanting to just die and get the suffering over with, sure I did.

    So now I just feel stuck. I can use what little time I have to get my outline going but I'm order for me to get any kind of writing done I need to be able to 100% focus on my writing. I can't just write a little here a little there like they want me to start doing. I've tried it numerous times. It does not work for me.

    It took me months to get even a single chapter done and that just s a drag for my mind. So I've told them that i really want to make my writing my career but that I'd have to quite my current job. I'm not getting any younger and I'm sick and tired of having to put off my dreams any longer. My parent's responses are that I'd have to live on the street's and write.

    So that's where I am right now. Stuck in a great but unfulfilling job and just wanting to get one of my dreams off of the ground. I have the ability to do it but I really don't want to end up on the street's because my parents aren't being supportive. So that's my rant. All of it and it feels really good to get that off my chest.
    I never told my parents. My mother went to her grave not knowing I write (admittedly I hadn't started very long before she went), and unless he asks specifically I'll never tell my dad. It took me three years before I told my wife (she finally cracked and asked what I was doing spending so much time in the man cave) and she then spilt the beans to my sister who just asks me now and again "how it's going". I just ... don't tell my family about much that's close to me. They're not bad people, they just aren't creative and get confused by anything that's not pulling in a solid salary, which I do on the side hehe. So all I need from them is time and not too many questions, and due to me not confiding inthem a whole lot, they oblige. You lot here are far more involved in, and supportive of, my writing

    I write for myself. It's my thing. I neither need nor seek family approval; the only people whose reactions I am interested in are fellow writers and readers. But then again I am able to write in dribs and drabs (actually I have no other choice, having a full time job, a family, and various other things going on - writing that way is all I know), little hour blocks here and there so I don't quite know how this helps you other than to demonstrate that it is possible to do it with limited time, limited support, and later in life. Some of my writing is done away from my desk; I'll be painting a wall or something and I'll have to put down the brush, get out my phone and tap down some thoughts that occur to me just then. As you get older you might find that you have to compromise time for your dreams. If they truly are dreams they'll jam themselves in any little timeslot you have. But imo that's preferable. It's sweeter because less is wasted and the writing is better because of it.


    Hidden Content Monthly Fiction Challenge


    Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we are barely able to endure, and are awed,
    because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
    - Rainer Maria Rilke, "Elegy I"

    *

    Is this fire, or is this mask?
    It's the Mantasy!
    - Anonymous

    *

    C'mon everybody, don't need this crap.
    - Wham!





  6. #16
    Wɾʇ∩9 bdcharles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rojack79 View Post
    Honestly I can and do respect and greatly value your input Lucky but this is something that I've been dealing with for some time now. I know that it's not acceptable to some for someone to live with someone else for free. My parent's have told me as such. What I find annoying is there blatant lack of regard for the fact that I can do this. They seen to think that I'm not fully capable of doing this and that just rubs me the wrong way. For the most part I know there are other people who've had full time job's and write. I'm just not one of those people, yet. For right now I just can't start and stop stuff at will. That's just not how my brain works right now.
    I don't know exactly how old you are but I will hazard a guess and say that you are younger than me. When I was younger, I was told - I've mentioned this before - I was an embarrassment to the English department at college. In other words, there was no support. And in fairness, I was. I was shit. To my mind there never will be any support. Do it for yourself. And the very real situation might be that you can't devote all your time to being creative right now. It seems there is a lot of pressure on young people to live this uber-creative lifestyle, being a Youtuber and whatnot. I think that's great but it's also rather nefarious because it puts a standard in people's minds that it might be impossible for everyone to meet. Again hazarding a guess I suspect that a lot of these people have some family wealth behind them that means they can kind of cruise through life a bit. It is unfair. No two ways about that. I wish I had that, but I don't - and you know what? Having worked through life and squeezed in my writing where I can, and as I say ever conscious that I don't have oodles of time to fritter on it, every now and again I read these people's work and ... I mean, it's just basic. My writing - coming right out and saying it - is better. Not perhaps compared to the people that have written since day dot but for the influencers and sorts that I see everwhere on social media, I just think: is that it? For all your talk, is that it? And that boosts me. I think - wow, I really have something here. So: it's tough. It's not easy. But this is your journey and if it involves more blood, sweat and tears than the average pretty-face on youtube then so much the better as far as I'm concerned.


    Hidden Content Monthly Fiction Challenge


    Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we are barely able to endure, and are awed,
    because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
    - Rainer Maria Rilke, "Elegy I"

    *

    Is this fire, or is this mask?
    It's the Mantasy!
    - Anonymous

    *

    C'mon everybody, don't need this crap.
    - Wham!





  7. #17
    Rojack79, I've been thinking about how to answer this thread for a day now but haven't been able to come up with much because my problem is very similar. Different circumstances, but I strongly relate to what you're saying.

    It's been said that if there's something you truly want or need to do, you will find a way to do it. This is bullshit. Not in today's world. And sadly, the reasons are often have to do with money.

    I've had plenty of time to write. For years now. I'm ashamed of not taking advantage of that. I have OCD that is severe enough to warrant being on federal disability, and in my mind, it takes precedence over most of the things I really want to do with my time. On top of that list is writing. As the weeks and months fly by, that tick-tock tick-tock sound of time passing/wasted and opportunities squandered fills me with even more anxiety. In my case, the only way to combat it is to face fear and settle into discomfort. But how can one write when the very act makes them uncomfortable?

    There are times when I can settle down and get an afternoon full of writing done, but they are few and far between. I try to remember that this is better than nothing.

    The one thing that helps the most is holding on tightly to the passion I have for my stories and that act of writing in general. I do what I can to keep a sense of urgency going. I feed it however I can. It helps to keep any positive feedback I've gotten forefront in my mind, and as others have said, to keep your current project alive by keeping it in mind as well. I carry a pocket notebook at all times to jot down ideas. Just having it with me spurs me on to think of things, and if nothing comes, I just reread the notes I've already taken. I circle ideas which I think are especially good, or those which solve problems. It's not really about the little notebook, but instead it's about the elan I get out of knowing that a world I'm creating is always accessible. If I can't find the time or peace of mind to dive into it, I do what I can to keep it glowing within me, always in sight, always accessible. In other words: hope.

    I like to learn. I like excess, and knowing that the more you learn the more there is to learn excites me. I know I have a lot to learn about writing and that excites me even more. I don't look at it as a chore, but rather as an opportunity to involve myself in something I can do reasonably well because, after all, who doesn't want to get better at something?

    I'm also thankful that I have this passion for creativity. It's better than striving to get really good at video games or being able to cram ten seasons of Friends into one weekend.

    Hope you can translate this to your situation and maybe get something out of it.

    Another thing I've been doing lately is looking closely at where my time is going. How I spend it, how I waste it, and how I think about it. To do this, you need to change your perspective, which is not always easy because time can be a tricky concept being that it's littered with the drudgery of obligations and commitments which eat away at the drive we all have to make the best of it.

  8. #18
    Member Rojack79's Avatar
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    Truly thanks to all of you for your help and advice. I honestly didn't expect this seeing as this was just a vent post. I guess I'm just not used to anyone really giving a crap about me all that much. I mean parents care but It really hasn't felt like it for a while. It's getting better but still. Life is life. There's always something to get you down when you rise back up. That just means you get up and dust yourself off. I do feel better having gotten off my chest so I guess if anyone else needs to vent they can use this thread to do so. It's really helped me get some deep seated anxiety out of my system so if others need to them have at it.
    This might not be my best work but that just means there's room to improve.

    I don't have a big ego. You just can't comprehend my greatness!

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Rojack79 View Post
    What I find annoying is there blatant lack of regard for the fact that I can do this. They seen to think that I'm not fully capable of doing this and that just rubs me the wrong way. For the most part I know there are other people who've had full time job's and write. I'm just not one of those people, yet. For right now I just can't start and stop stuff at will. That's just not how my brain works right now.
    Hey Rojack. There is a book written a very long time ago called Passages by Gail Sheehy. Chapter 3 is entitled "Breast to Breakaway," and identifies the process by which a person becomes independent of his or her parents. The key point seems to be the "breakaway," where a young adult stands on his or her own.

    I completely understand the challenges you have faced, Rojak, and huge kudos to you for being as independent as you have been, given the circumstances that you said you faced. In all of your "rant." however, it seemed that the main drawback every time was your parents' criticism of your decisions. What would happen, do you think, if you worked out your own schedule to go to your job, write your stories, and carried on without sharing the process with Mom and Dad?

    I agree with everyone who has commented - it is a rare thing to be able to support yourself exclusively with writing. If you really feel you have talent, maybe you could try being a free-lance writer for a while. Or submit stories to magazines, or neighborhood newspapers, instead of a novel-length piece right away. You said you can't just start and stop writing, so maybe something shorter? Just to get started; maybe even to show others that you have the talent it takes. If you do not have educational credentials that show you have the experience, and have to rely on skill alone, it might be helpful to build up your writing history to demonstrate your talent. Try to be a little more organized, and not rely so much on "nay-sayers" as someone said.

    Good luck, Rojack.
    When the night has come
    And the land is dark
    And the moon is the only light we'll see
    I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
    Just as long as you stand by me.


  10. #20
    Rojack: As the father of 3 grown children, all likely your age or older, I can point out where your big problem lies.

    "So a few years go by if this and so I further retreat into my safe zone that being video games for me."

    Being successful at writing is all about the time management. You most likely have the time to write, but how you spend that time may be out of kilter. Really, you should consider computer gaming to be akin to a drug addiction. After all, the end result is the same.


    Here's something from my own personal experience.
    Years ago I had a problem wherein whenever I was writing I wanted to go play on my simulator.
    No, this was waaaay beyond some playstation games. I have a full-sized flight simulator with a 7 foot screen, HUD, and powered by 4 networked PCs. My simulator is essentially the crack-cocaine of computer gaming.

    But then whenever I was flying my simulator I felt bad because I knew I shoulda been writing.
    So I was distracted while writing, and distracted while flying.
    Initially my solution was to not write while I was working on a book...but that meant ignoring the simulator for a year at a time. No Fracking Way!

    So my solution was to partition my life.
    Now I write from 0400-0800, 7 days a week. No social media or gaming during this time. None, nein, nunca, nyet nyet.
    After that I go to work for 8-10 hours.
    When I get home I am free to tweet or game or binge on netflix...guilt free.
    I get to write, and I get to game. It just takes a little [lot] self-discipline.

    Write first, game later. Gaming is just another addiction to be managed.
    What better way to prove your parents wrong?

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